Lord of Bones

A/N: I’m kind of mean to Lupin in this chapter. He deserves it, in my opinion. And yes, I do dislike the Lupin/Tonks pairing. Also, pretend Sirius didn’t die. Finally, Lily is a MILF.
P.S. Arguably Super!Harry.

Nymphadora Tonks was angry.

It was more than a bit difficult for most people to believe that the klutzy, perpetually-perky Metamorphmagus was actually capable of getting angry. Tonks tended to laugh and brush off things and situations that would quickly send most sane people into the depths of an apoplectic rage; to the point where many believed that the hyperactive Auror had been permanently overdosed with Cheering Charms at one point in her early childhood.

Then again, those people didn’t know Tonks very well, which accounted for the Metamorphmagus’s current condition.

That bastard! she spat as she wore a hole in the carepet she was pacing around on, That worthless, limp-dicked, perpetually angsting bastard!

The pink-haired Auror snarled several expletives in at least six different languages, each one viler and more caustic than the last; momentarily grateful that no-one else apart from Harry, Hermione and a few of the Weasleys was in Order Headquarters. The last thing she needed was for someone tostart reprimanding her on the effects her rants would have on ‘innocent, impressionable children.’

Someone like her boyfriend.

Remus Lupin.

While Tonks could admit that the werewolf was a nice guy, that was about the only redeeming trait he had. Tonks had once craved his maturity, butthe Metamorphmagus grew to quickly be irritated by the werewolf’s demeanour. The man was as boring as hell, held such a depressing air around him that even she began to feel older, wearier and duller whenever she was around him, was a terrible lover and conversationalist, and had an unhealthy obsession with the late Lily Potter. She had even wondered if he had an affair with the gorgeous redhead at one point (judging from the way he’d always askher to impersonate the late beauty), but Sirius dissuaded her from that.

Prongs and Lily were fanatically devoted to each other, said the disowned Black heir when she approached him about the topic, But Moony was always at least physically attracted to her. Lily was a bombshell, but she was also something Moony couldn’t have, not because of his lycanthropy, but because she was James’s wife and Harry’s mother. That didn’t stop him from peeking on her while she was bathing. She never knew, but James found him and threw him out.

She wondered if Harry knew about the violation of his mother’s privacy. Judging from the burning glares he periodically threw at an oblivious Lupin, she guessed the answer was ‘yes’.

Even more despairing was the lack of sexual interest. For all her confidence, Tonks liked being dominated by a powerful man. Remus, on the other hand… .she twitched indignantly.

The sound of footsteps drew Tonks’s attention back to the present. Hermione walked past her, greeting the Metamorphmagus with a cheerful Hi, Tonks!

The Auror was just about to reply to the retreating witch’s greeting when several things struck her. Hermione’s shirt was haphazardly buttoned, her face was flushed and there were was a prominent bite mark on her neck; not to mention the fact that Tonks could tell that certain prominent areas of the Muggleborn’s shirt were wet and transparent.

And the afterglow and unsteady walk were tell-tale signs as well.

Hermione Granger had been thoroughly fucked.

The thought was so alien to Tonks that the Auror actually stood there,gaping like a monkey, for several minutes. After recovering her bearings, the Auror ran through a mental list of candidates that could’ve shagged Hermione like that. The Weasleys were out — Fleur’s current relationship with Bill and her own old relationship with Charlie proved that ‘Weasley sex gods’ were pure bullshit. She crossed out the older men as well, before it it her.

Harry.

Tonks grinned evilly. Potential blackmail, here I come!

______________________________________________________

Tonks was fairly frustrated at the lack of blackmail material. It was almost midnight, and with the notable exception of a shirtless Harry Potterreading a book, there was no smut. She was just about to leave and take off the disillusionment charm when the door opened.

Tonks’s jaw dropped.

Dressed in a provocative white slip that highlighted her curves, Hermione slid into bed beside Harry, frowning cutely when he failed to respond to her nibbling along his neck. Look at me, she whispered temptingly.

Look at me, what? asked Harry calmly, not lifting his face from the book.

Please master, look at your pet, she mewled seductively, bringing his free hand to her lips and kissing the tips of the fingers. Harry smirked, banishing the book and fisting a hand in Hermione’s hair. He drew theunresisting brunette in for a harsh kiss, ravishing her mouth and claimingher. Hermione drew her hands behind his neck and deepened the kiss, whimpering at the sensations invoked by her lover’s claim.

Harry broke the kiss, cupping Hermione’s cheek and stroking it with the pad of his thumb. Good girl, he told her, Very good girl.

Hermione preened at that, her eyes bright with obvious pleasure at thecompliment. Tonks, for her part, stared in shock. She never knew that Hermione was so… submissive, or Harry so commanding. She almost checked for a spell, but the genuine love in both their eyes told her this was no magic trick.

Master? asked Hermione nervously, Can-can I… 

Can what, pet?

Can I suck your cock? she asked eagerly, a pretty blush staining hercheeks. Harry smirked at that, a cool confidence radiating from him as he leaned back on the bed. His hand massaged her right breast, rolling the pink nipple between his fingers and watching her face carefully. Her face wentto a plethora of ecstatic expressions, but she made no sound as Harry played with her full breasts with a maestro’s hand. She watched him expectantly, a proud smile on her face when he announced Go ahead, pet. You earned it.

Tonks almost choked at Hermione’s brazen words, but continued watching wide-eyed.

Hermione tugged down Harry’s trousers. The Boy-Who-Lived repositioned himself so that he was sitting on the side of the bed, his brown-haired pet’s eager fingers tugging out her prize. Tonks felt her mouth go dry at the sight of whopper in front of her eyes. Throbbing to the thythm of Harry’s heartbeat and growing harder by the minute, Harry’s cock was easily one of, if not the largest, Tonks had ever seen. Dimly, she slipped a hand into herknickers.

Hermione began licking the shaft, basting the purple cock-head with her pink tongue. Harry simply watched calmly, his hand hiking up the bottom of Hermione’s slip to reveal a shapely rump with visibly moist pussy-lips, atrimmed tuft of brown curls above it. Harry ran a finger past Hermione’s pussy, drawing a squeal from her. He simply drew back his cock from hermouth at that, a disappointed frown on his face.

Hermione whimpered piteously, scrambling to get the erect phallus backinto her mouth. Master, please don’t…  she begged him.

You know the rules, pet.

Please Master, she whimpered, tears pooling in her eyes, I’ve been a good girl, haven’t I? Plea—

Harry simply rammed two fingers into Hermione’s quim, thrusting two fingers rhythmically into the vice-tight channel while stroking her clit. Hermione bit her lip hard, struggling not to cry out, while Tonks began following Harry’s rhythm, her gaze focused on his dick and mind firmly on Harry’scommanding voice. Finally, with a scream of pleasure, Hermione came when Harry added his third finger, staining Harry’s hand with musky fluid. Harry raised an eyebrow at her scream, shaking his head despairingly.

Hermione simply turned around and took up Harry’s hand, making sure tokeep eye-contact with her lover.

Pet?

Harry’s eyes widened when Hermione devotedly lapped up her own juices,cleaning Harry’s hand with her own tongue. She maintained eye contact withhim throughout the process, finally leaning her cheek against his palm. Harry’s eyes softened and he brought her close to him.

Tonks panted, her orgasm almost there until… 

Having fun, Tonks?

She yelped and Hermione’s eyes widened. The brunette tried to turn around, but Harry held her, angling her so that she was curled against him. Hestroked Hermione’s head tenderly, murmuring a few words of comfort into her ear.

Tonks stepped out, flinching as Harry’s cold voice cut into her. She whimpered in distress, her twat throbbing for release. Harry wasn’t so charitable; his voice a low growl. I supposed you enjoyed it, eh? The thought of finding out the big secret?

Hermione whimpered, cuddling into Harry fiercely. Tonks said nothing, stunned as Harry’s caring, commanding voice turned glacially cold. If Hermione gets hurt because of this—

N-no! she cried out, thinking quickly. W-what I mean is, no, Master.

Harry’s eyes widened, before a frigid grin crossed his features. Tonksshivered.

Pet, what do you make of this?

Hermione removed her face from Harry’s chest, obvious tearstains on her face. Harry’s eyes narrowed angrily, turning to glare at Tonks. The Auror, with the sort of thinking that guaranteed her place in the Auror Corps, divested herself of her clothing and knelt in front of Hermione. Mistress.

Hermione’s own brown orbs widened in shock before she turned to look at Harry questioningly. He kissed her lovingly, indicating the choice was hers. Hermione smiled at him happily, turning to Tonks.

Come here, pet.

_____________________________________________________________

It was a thoroughly shagged pair of young women who walked out of Harry’s room the next morning. Before they left, Harry delivered brutal kisses to each of them, smirking as they reciprocated. As Tonks turned to leave, Harry gave her a playful smack on the arse, the other playfully squeezing Hermione’s left breast. Throughout it all, they never noticed a shocked Fleurwatch them from the shadows.

Lord of Bones

The first five:

1) Harry is more at home in the Darkness than in the Light. From the very moment he was placed in his Cupboard, the Dark has been his blanket, his security and his protector.

Something the Light has failed at completely.

2) Many assume that Harry’s earliest memory of his parents was the night they were murdered. It isn’t.

His earliest memory of them is a beautiful redheaded woman laughing as a bespectacled young man swings him around, an ecstatic look of joy on his face.

3) It is generally assumed that Harry respects and likes Remus Lupin, as a teacher, friend and link to his parents. That is a blatant falsehood. With the exceptions of Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore, Harry hates Remus Lupin more than any other living being.

Where one died for his wife and son, one was imprisoned for trying to avenge his his family, and another turned traitor due to cowardice; only Remus willingly chose to stay away from his friend’s son. And for that, Harry will never forgive him.

4) Contrary to belief, Harry was not an inexperienced virgin when he married. He lost his virginity during his fifth year, in a situation involving Fleur, Tonks, Hermione, Susan Bones, Daphne Greengrass, Lisa Turpinand several crates of firewhiskey. While he is sure that the latter four lost their virginities to him, he isn’t sure to whom he lost his to.

It is also of some shock to him that, with the exceptions of Hermione and Daphne (both of whom he would later marry), the girls would come back to him for one last night just before their ownweddings.

5) Harry has never hated Lord Voldemort. While he may have feared and respected the creature that was once Tom Riddle, he never felt the Dark Lord was worthy of anything but pity and contempt.

Lord of Bones

Fleur gaped in disbelief from her vantage point, her eyes wide in disbelief as she took in the undeniable erotic sight in front of her.

She had initially thought it was a trick of the light when she spottedHarry groping Hermione and Tonks earlier in the morning. After all, it wasn’t uncommon for her mind to play tricks on her when she was feeling particularly stressed; a particularly irritating side-effect of her Veela heritage. Still, that did not account for what she had been witnessing the entire day.

While the Weasleys were oblivious, only she had noticed Harry’s fingers slip inside Tonks’ tight jeans during breakfast, setting up a frantic rhythm while he was placidly sipping tea. Tonks’s orgasmic squeak drew a surprised glance from Molly Weasley, who had asked her if she was unwell. Fleur had also caught a chastised-looking Tonks kneeling in front of a seated Harry, whimpering apologies for being disobedient.

She had been stunned to see the perky Auror lick at the glistening fingers Harry offered her, enthusiastically slurping away on the appendages. The Boy-Who-Lived’s authoritative voice nearly made her wet her own knickerswhen he told Tonks, You still have to be punished, disobedient nymph. I’ll deal with you after you return. Tonks had mewled in distress, but nuzzled Harry’s chest in obvious apology before leaving.

That had somehow led to the sight in front of her.

Hermione Granger was kneeling in front of a seated Harry, her eyes closed in obvious delight. The brunette’s tight shirt showcased her proud breasts and erect nipples, while her skirt had vanished. Fleur’s crystal-blue eyes widened at the sight of the large dildo animatedly moving in and out ofthe pretty Gryffindor’s dripping twat, another smaller one repeating the rhythm while lodged in Hermione’s lubricated arse. Hermione’s face nuzzled the front of Harry’s jeans, cooing at the heat emanating from the flesh behind the garment.

Master, she whispered lovingly, her hips rocking to the motion of the animated toys in both her holes.

Harry’s hand brushed Hermione’s brown curls firmly but tenderly, the gesture expressing volumes to Fleur. Go ahead, pet.

Hermione’s brown eyes lit up, her teeth grabbing hold of Harry’s zipper and slowly bringing it down. Small, eager hands unbuckled his belt and pulled down his jeans, leaving only his boxers. Hermione kissed the front of the heavily-straining garment, giggling as it jumped slightly. She unbuttoned his boxers, bringing Harry’s massive erection into view.

Fleur gasped. Mon Dieu, il est énorme! she whispered in her native language, fidgeting as her lacy underwear quickly began to get wet.

Hermione licked her lover’s cock, moaning softly at the heat. She dragged her tongue along his length, swiping at it playfully and suckling at one of the prominent veins. Harry’s hand in her hair tightened as he hissed with pleasure; the fake cocks in Hermione’s pussy and arse beginning to movefaster. Hermione’s lightly tanned hand barely fit around Harry’s cock as she took Harry’s crown into her warm, wet mouth, basting him with her pink tongue while her free hand massaged Harry’s ballsack.

Harry groaned. Good girl, he hissed, You love sucking cock, don’t you?

Hermione’s head came up. Only yours, Master, she cooed adoringly.

Harry smirked at that, snapping his fingers. Both Fleur’s and Hermione’s eyes widened as the dildos sped up exponentially, drawing a surprised shriek of pleasure from the brunette. Harry brought her face back to his impatient cock.

Take it all in, pet. Harry ordered.

Fleur whimpered as Hermione engulfed all of Harry’s weighty erection in her mouth, slowly sliding down until she had taken all of him into her throat; desperately wanting to get in on the action. Her fingers tugged at a perfectly-shaped breast as she panted lightly, her free hand delving between her legs.

Harry smiled down at his pet, revelling in the way her throat muscles massaged his erection. The young man slowly set up a rhythm, careful not tochoke his favorite pet and lover. Hermione moved her head in accordance toHarry’s hips, her eyes meeting the emerald gaze of the man who would father her children one day. The love in his glance was enough for her.

The dildos began to move more erratically, impaling Hermione on their thick lengths again and again. Hermione’s mouth suddenly shot off Harry’s cock, an esctatic scream of HARRY! OH GOD, HARRY! tearing from her lips asher tight quim spasmed around the toy.

Harry pulled the false phalluses from Hermione, vanishing the one fromher arse while brushing the one from her pussy along her cheeks. Hermione whimpered, knowing that she had broken one of their rules and that she would be denied her Harry’s body.

Suddenly, Harry scooped her into his lap, hand massaging a breast. Mybeautiful pet, he whispered into her ear. My precious Hermione… 

Hermione smiled radiantly at that, arching her back as Harry brought his head down to nurse from her. He suckled at her breasts, tugging off the shirt to taste her achingly erect pink nipples. Hermione’s arms wrapped around his head, her happy coos of Master…  echoing in the room as she heldher Master to her breasts, mewling at the suckling bites he placed on her hyper-sensitive nipples.

Fleur’s fingers moved faster and faster, her orgasm building up. as she caught sight of Harry’s fingers thrusting into Hermione’s pussy.

Harry pulled away from his pet’s delicious tits, smiling at her. You’ve been a good girl, pet. You deserve a reward.

Hermione’s eyes brightened. The Gryffindor untangled herself from Harry, getting down on all fours and sticking her shapely behind up in the air,tossing an eager look over her shoulder. Harry chuckled indulgently, Not that, pet.

Hermione gave him a puzzled look, not resisting as he brought her against his front, her firm arse-cheeks trapping his erection while he spread her pussy-lips open with his fingers.

Come here, Fleur, he commanded, a note of authority in his voice.

The veela’s eep’ed as Hermione’s wide eyes met her flushed form. ‘A-’Arry, I—

I said, come here.

Trembling, the Veela stepped out of the shadows, walking towards the couple on the bed. Harry’s hand moved to cup Hermione’s right breast, teasing the nipple with the pad of his thumb. His eyes showed no emotion as Fleurinstinctively knelt before him, arousal, anticipation and fear thrumming to her.

Harry’s voice was soft.

You’ve been a bad girl, Fleur.

Fleur nodded fearfully.

Do you want to be punished?

She shook her head.

What do you want?

Y-you.

Harry smirked at that. He slipped a finger into Hermione’s quim, testing its wetness. Pleasure my Pet.

Hermione’s eyes widened, but a sleek moan left her mouth as Fleur moved closer to her open pussy. Harry removed his finger from her clenching channel, just as Fleur’s tongue invaded Hermione’s twat. The Veela ate her outnoisily, sucking Hermione’s throbbing clit while finger-banging her tight pussy. She alternated with long swipes across Hermione’s lower lips with her tongue and using the appendage like a miniature cock, driving it into Hermione’s tasty twat again and again. It didn’t take long for Hermione to come again, flooding Fleur’s mouth with her juices.

Did you like that, Pet? asked Harry.

Hermione nodded hesitantly.

Good.

Harry brushed a kiss against her lips before getting off the bed, walking behind Fleur and dropping to his knees. I didn’t tell you to stop.

Fleur dove in again, drawing a surprised squeak from Hermione that soon turned into a low moan. Behind the gorgeous blonde, Harry ran a finger across her drenched white-lace knickers, smirking at the shudder that ran though her body. What do you want?

F-Fuck!

Fuck who?

F-Fuck your little Veela slut!

Whose little Veela slut?

Y-yours, Master!

Harry smiled triumphantly. A flick of his fingers tore the offending garment before he buried all his massive cock into her steaming twat, snarling in triumph at her animalistic shriek of agonized pleasure. A Veela’s body was made for sex; and Fleur’s was no different. Her deliciously tight quim rippled along Harry’s cock as the Veela’s perfect arse slammed against Harry’s lower abdomen; her magnificent breasts teased by questing hands. The sex-goddess whimpered as her new master plundered her body, while she feasted on her Mistress.

Good slut, Harry had panted out. You’re not as disobedient as Tonks, are you?

N-no, Master!

Good girl… 

When Tonks returned that evening, she was surprised to see a pretty brunette and a heavenly blonde lapping away at her Master’s erection. Harry smiled coldly when he noticed his naughty nymph’s desperate whimpers, her face looking at his pleadingly. Hello nymph, he purred out, stroking Fleur’s silky hair.

It’s time for your punishment.

BenRG

In his 28 years, Harry James Potter had experienced many different awakenings. Some were pleasent, others were not. The majority were indifferent, of course, just like everyone else. Of course, being Harry Potter, a small but significant minority were horrible to the point of lethality and a few were joyful beyond words.

This was a new one for him though.

Oh, it wasn’t the first time Harry had been woken by someone nibbling on his ear. After he and his wife of ten years, Susan (née Bones), had got sufficiently at ease with each other to treat sex as anything other than a mechanical necessity of their arranged marriage (and thanks for letting us know about that, Padfoot and Auntie Aemelia) Harry had frequenly been awoken by a frisky Sue nibbling on his ear, a sure sign that she was already awake and ready for attention.

Only it wasn’t his wife’s warm lips and sharp teeth at work. No, this was something cold and sharp, like horn or… 

Harry cracked open his eyelids and looked up into the golden eyes of his Familiar, post owl and his first best friend. G’m’rning H’dw’g, he mumbled.

Hedwig looked down at her HarryWizard scornfully before taking to wing and flying over to the perch (the first thing Harry had done when taking charge of his family manor, The Potter’s Wheel, was put a perch for Hedwig in every major room.

Harry levered himself up on his elbows and immediately noticed that there was someone missing. Sue was not spooned up beside him. That wasn’t necessarily unusual. Thanks to that indefatigable Hufflepuff work ethic, Sue was often up before her husband to check for any messages that may have arrived from the various properties and businesses making up the Potter, Bones and Black estates and prepare for the day ahead.

However, today was meant to be different. Harry always arranged the day before with his Lady Steward, Hermione Granger (and Harry still felt a bit guilty that his best human friend had felt obliged to enter his employment instead of try to pursue her own ambitions), that he and Sue would be able to sleep in on the day of their birthdays.

Hedwig? the Snowy Owl looked at her HarryWizard quizzically. Where is Susan? Harry’s familiar growled in the peculiar way of her species and rotated her head half-way around so she was looking out of the window instead. That was her way of saying: Look for her yourself, lazybones.

With a laugh, Harry levered himself out of bed and walked across the rug-covered stone floor, glad for the warming charms that were standard in all the rooms of the millennium-old manor house. He took a moment to wash his face in the bowl of warm water that the House Elves brought up to the master bedroom every morning. As his brain slowly engaged ‘drive’ as it woke up, he noted that the water was cooler than usual. Wandlessly and subvocally, Harry cast a /Tempus/ charm and looked at the sparkling faux-digital time/date data hovering above the palm of his hand. Ten-thirty? Oh…  /shit/! Harry looked at Hedwig again. Hedwig, did Sue send you to wake me up?

Hedwig shot Harry another scornful look and Harry got the impression of Susan’s strawberry-blonde hair and full figure, hands poised on hips, from his Familiar’s mind. ‘Oh shit’ indeed.

That Hufflepuff work ethic and sense of order had a down side. Harry had quickly found that, if he was ever tardy or failed to give something the attention that Susan considered appropriate…  well, the Bones family motto, when translated from Latin was ‘The Fires of the Heart Burn Hotter’. For all he had learnt to like and, ultimately, love his wife, Harry had also learnt that it was a bad idea to provoke her.

Still, Susan had been invaluable for Harry to learn the niceties of noble wizarding existance. Because of that, he absolutely did not even /consider/ leaving the room without shaving off his thick black stubble. He climbed into his boxers and trousers before heading out into the corridor that ran through the Lord’s Apartments making up the upper floor of the South Wing of the manor. Surprisingly, Hedwig took to wing and flew into the corridor, heading for the door out to the Grand Staircase rather than turning towards the Receiving Room that Harry had convereted into a day room for he and his wife. Harry realised that his familiar was kindly showing him the way.

As Harry went down the stairs, he paused for a moment. He had heard someone giggle. Not the musical giggle of his wife, nor the slightly deeper earthy chuckle of Hermione Granger. No, it was a girlish giggle; he /knew/ that voice too but couldn’t immediately place it. He shrugged; maybe Sue had a visitor. Certainly, it was late enough in the morning for her to be greeting well-wishers.

The main Day Room on the ground floor had changed, Harry noted as he stumbled into it. Firstly, all the furniture had been removed and replaced by a selection of huge cushions and bean-bags in a variety of colours. Secondly, the heavy storm shutters were closed and the only illumination came from a host of floating candles. In that floating candle light, Harry saw something that made him freeze and all meaningful thought flee his mind.

There were people sitting on the cushions.

Several people.

Several people that Harry knew.

Several female people that Harry knew well, all of whom were wearing far too little for polite company and who did not seem to care that Harry was boggling at them. Indeed from their body language, that fact was quite pleasing to them.

Harry was about to stammer out an apology and flee when the door to the Day Room slammed shut.

Harry Potter, you have been a /bad/ boy, Susan said, her voice alight with laughter. You got all those witches hot and bothered! What am I going to do with you?

Bwaaa… ? Harry wasn’t really in a good state for conversation. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t drag his eyes away from Ginny Weasley and a part of his brain admitted that the captain of the Great Britan national Quidditch team was showing why a sporting career rather than starting a family after leaving Hogwarts as her mother had was such a good idea.

All those witches who wanted you…  Susan had come right up beside Harry and leant against him, casually running her hand up and down his belly, teasing the hair. All those witches who want to be with you. All those witches that I want to watch you drive insane with pleasure, just as you do for me!

Harry tried to move his head to look at his wife but his eyes made the mistake of passing over Luna Lovegood who was wearing a thin silken shift that revealed more than it concealed. Harry had to admit that the life of a wandering adventuress had been as kind to Luna as the sporting life had been to Ginny.

Much to his surprise, he heard the voice of his very best friend, adviser, confidante and sister-in-all-but-blood (and if not for this infernal marriage contract she would probably have been more). So many witches who want a ride on the Potter Love Machine, Hermione said in a deep, throaty tone of voice. Look at them! They can’t wait. /I/ can’t wait, Harry. I only ever wanted you. Hermione walked up to Harry and leant on his other side, her hand joining Susan’s in an exploration of Harry’s abs and chest.

Harry managed to look at Hermione and noticed that she was wearing a spectacular-looking set of black lace that would have made a dangerous amount of blood in his body go somewhere else if she and Susan’s ministrations, as well as the semi-naked witches on the cushions, hadn’t already started the process. Hermione took the opportunity of Harry’s moment of wide-eyed paralysis to lean in and claim a blazing hot open-mouthed kiss. Harry’s surprise was only worsened by Susan’s tongue touching his earlobe.

What… ?

Susan smiled lustily. You know, in Pureblood nobility the position of ‘Lady Steward’ and ‘Mistress’ has always been interchangable, she remarked with a saucy grin. However, your blasted Muggle-raised sensibilities stood in the way. How in leFay’s name was I supposed to raise with either of you the fact that Hermione should have shared our bed and both of our loves?

I’m glad that you did, my Lady, Hermione purred. You have no idea how jealous I was of you…  of /both/ of you. Both witches stood away from Harry and exchanged a passionate kiss that made Harry’s knees turn weak and elicited an appreciative ‘Ooh!’ from the gathered witches.

Susan looked at Harry. Do you happen to remember that conversation we had after the Ministry Ball last Yule? About all those witches not considered ‘proper’ by society, and thus condemned to being single, who were, in your view, ‘shaggable’? Susan laughed at Harry’s mortified expression.  In vino veritas’ as the Romans said. Seems to work for firewhiskey too. Certainly, I have to agree with your judgement about them!

All those women rejected by ‘proper society’, Hermione purred. All those women who you found arousing and thought the same about you. All those women who were discreet enough and open-minded enough to listen when Susan and I made the suggestion.

Susan and Hermione stepped over to Harry and each took a hand so they could lead him towards the other witches. We’ve decided to celebrate your tenth aniversary of freedom from the Prophecy by fulfilling a few male fantasies, and a few of our own, Hermione revealed.

The dozen-or-so other witches all stood up seductively. Happy Birthday Harry! they all cried out in unison making certain…  assets bounce invitingly.

Hedwig took flight from the perch in the entrance hall outside the Day Room and flew off. If anyone wanted her, she would be spending time with Crookshanks and Susan’s cat, Artemis. Frankly, she hated loud noises and she could already tell that her HarryWizard and his mates were about to get /very/ loud.

~~*~~

Concluding AN:

And that is as far as I have got. I don’t intend to write a lemon (mostly because I don’t know how to do that convincingly without making it read like bad 70s-era porn or something out of a biology textbook). However, if someone wants to continue this, then feel free. Just credit me please.

Who are the other girls? Well, I thought that a slightly off-model version of Ginny deserved her tumble as did Luna for all the times she has been paired with Ron Weasley.

I’d allow anyone you can lever into the ‘not proper’ category for whatever reason. I’d only leave out those girls very obviously in a relationship or those too dark-aligned to be trustworthy (like Pansy or Millicent). I’d also leave out Hannah and Cho for a variety of reasons (partly because I’d put Hannah with Neville for some reason).

Other than that, anything goes. Remember that the majority of these ladies just want one chance at the ‘Potter Sex Machine’ that Susan told them about. However, it is possible that others may be interested in a longer-term relationship.

If I do continue, it is my intention for the last paragraph to go something like this:

In his 28 years, Harry James Potter had experienced many different awakenings. Some were pleasent, others were not. The majority were indifferent, of course, just like everyone else. Of course, being Harry Potter, a small but significant minority were horrible to the point of lethality and a few were joyful beyond words.

This was one of the latter. He smiled as he pulled Hermione slightly closer to him and leant back into Susan’s warmth. For this morning, at least, all was right with his world.

Lord of Bones

Harry frowned irritably as he pushed away his empty plate, taking carenot to draw attention to himself in the crowded dining room of 12 Grimmauld Place. He carefully summoned a glass of water, leaning back in his chair to muse on the worst Christmas holidays of his life. The reason for this was simple, at least in Harry’s mind.

No lovemaking.

It was quite hard to adjust from all-nighters in the Slytherin Girls’ Dorms to having only one’s hand for company, as Harry had discovered. Kinky bedroom activities made for a happy Harry.

Of course, the blame could also be laid at Hermione’s feet. In the interests of fairness, she’d decided to abstain from sex in order to be fair to Harry’s original girls (and Hannah and Susan and Professor Sinistra).

Which meant no naughty librarian moments; although the desperate, yearning glances Hermione had taken to sending him were somewhat satisfactory.

Still, the Twins had promised him a show reminiscent of the Hogwarts affair. While he doubted anything could replace hot, kinky sex; it would at least alleviate his boredom.

But not his need for hot, kinky sex.

Harry cursed his virile Potter genes, almost missing Dedalus Diggle standing up.

The truth is, said the excitable wizard in the monotone Harry had come to associate with the potion, the reason I bow so often is because I like to look at crotches.

The silence that followed could be cut with a knife. Only Ron’s chewing broke the monotony.

I keep an invisible camera around so I can take pictures and, following in my family’s noble ‘best crotch competition’ tradition, frame them on my living room wall.

Harry blinked, trying to come to terms with the confession before the realization hit him.

Diggle had bowed to him before he was a first year, so that meant… 

Oh God.

He’d never feel clean again.

Harry was so engrossed in his revulsion that he almost missed Charlie Weasley standing up. The truth is, said the second-oldest Weasley son, Dragon Handler isn’t just a job title. It’s a job description. And I love ‘handling’ dragons.

Harry began to choke in horror, before a weird noise caught his attention. He turned to his left, and noticed Ginny rocking back and forth with ablank look on her face. The poor girl’s brain had short-circuited.

Miraculously, Ron was still eating.

Next up was Hestia Jones, who gracefully got to her feet. The truth is, said the pink-cheeked witch, I wish I was a metamorphmagus.

Harry heard Hermione mutter Well, that’s not too bad.

He had to agree, until Jones’ next statement caught him off guard. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to walk around with a man’s bits. It might be fun. I could convince Tonks to join in.

Harry shuddered at the mental picture, thanking all the deities that existed that Jones had taken her seat before she could elaborate on her ‘truth’. Luckily, Tonks had stood up and was revealing her sordid story.

The truth is, said the pink-haired Auror, I want to be Harry Potter’s fuckslave.

Harry’s jaw dropped.

My greatest fantasy is where he fucks me like a whore while forcing me to eat out another woman.

Harry drooled at the thought. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Hermione with a contemplative look on her face, as though she was considering it.

Next up was Kingsley Shacklebolt. The truth is, said the bald wizard, I own several princess and schoolgirl costumes. I dress up in them because I think they make me look pretty. Abruptly, the Auror took his seat, a dreamy smile on his face.

Harry, for his part, was too busy laughing his arse off. Hermione was snickering into her hand while Ron was still eating.

Arthur Weasley’s own confession was next. The truth is, said the Weasley patriarch, my favorite Muggle artefact is a purple, banana-shaped stick that buzzes when I press a button. It makes me feel tingly.

Hermione sprayed out her drink in shock. Harry hastily patted her on the back as she coughed in surprise, listening to Fleur Delacour’s confession as he did so. Ze truth iz, said the curvy blonde, I want to be ‘Arry’sveela slut.

Harry’s eyes bugged out.

I’ve had fantazies about him screwing me into the table while callingme his dirty veela slut. I also enjoy the thought of being dominated by Hermione.

At this point, even Ron had stopped eating. Harry, for his part, was lost in a fantasy involving Hermione, Fleur and black leather.

Harry! Stop grinning like that! hissed Hermione, a blush staining her cheeks.

The scrape of a chair jolted Harry out of his fantasy. Remus Lupin, the last to be affected, stood up.

The truth is, said the werewolf, the real reason I was not picked as Secret-Keeper was because James caught me spying on Lily while she was taking a shower.

Harry stared at his old professor in shock. Dimly, he felt an overpowering need to hurt Lupin.

Without a doubt, I can say that had Lily been alive today, she would’ve been the ultimate MILF.

The need turned to RAAAGH! KILLKILLKILL!

Also, the real reason I act and dress like a shabby, ancient has-beenwith an angst issue is because it help me pick up birds.

With a roar, Harry leapt, the last sentence barely registering in his mind even as lucidity was returning to the drugged people. No-one spied on HIS mum and lived to talk about it!

In the ensuing chaos, no-one missed Hermione sneaking off to the fireplace.

________________________________________________________________

Christmas Day… 

Harry woke up to the sensation of several warm bodies curled up next to him. His eyes went wide as he recognized Hermione and his Slytherin girls, dressed as fairy-tale elves.

If fairy-tale elves had scandalously low-cut tops, short skirts and thigh-length boots; that is.

Merry Christmas, Harry, purred Pansy. Time to open your present.

She gestured at the large, wrapped box on the bed, pressing a ribbon into Harry’s hand.

Numbly, he pulled.

The box fell apart.

And tumbling out were Fleur Delacour and Nymphadora Tonks; bound, gagged and totally nude.

KafkaExMachina

Harry stumbled back into the Headmaster’s office.

So, Dumbledore said with the ever-present twinkle in his eye, have you slain Voldemort yet?

Harry groaned, slumping into the chair. Not yet sir…  the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and weak.

Dumbledore nodded sagely. Well, my boy, I’m sure that you’ll hit the proper level of total orgasmic bliss soon enough. Get some sleep Harry, and I mean SLEEP, and try again tommorrow.

Harry nodded, utterly exhausted but with the most contented smile on his face.

Oh, that reminds me…  if you haven’t offed Riddle by the summer (or even if you have) Miss. Granger has threatened to cut of my balls if I don’t let you continue your assault at her place this summer. I have, as a man who would like to remain so, agreed and set up the appropriate wards. Don’t worry about your relatives — the Blood Wards will remain safe, as I will transfigure Petunia into a gerbil for the summer. Please don’t…  utilize her.

Albus! Harry said, looking disgusted. I’m not RON!

…  one year later.

Albus, Harry said, a bit disappointed yet ANYTHING but frustrated, I just don’t get it. I’ve worked my way through not one but fifteen different sex manuals, forty-five beds, and one of Aberforth’s goats…  but Voldemort is still alive. Mind you, he hasn’t tried to send me any visions since that little incident on New Years… 

Albus smiled. I see. Tell me Harry, are you happier now?

Harry nodded. Yeah, I am.

Do you feel like you have something to live for after all this is over with? Harry nodded.

Yeah, he said thoughtfully, and if this auror thing doesn’t pan out I’ve got a hella career as a gigolo

Albus raised one eyebrow. I rather doubt Hermione would approve of that career choice.

Only if she couldn’t join in, Harry mumbled under his breath.

Albus chuckled. So I see…  well, Harry, I’m afraid I’ve been…  fibbing a bit.

Harry stared at his Headmaster. Oh WHAT NOW?! Harry hollered.

Well…  you know that thing I said about the Power He Knows Not? Albus asked. Harry nodded. Well, in all honesty it’s complete and utter bullshit.

Harry froze. You mean to tell me that I’ve had a year’s worth of mind-blowing sex for nothing? Albus cocked an eyebrow at Harry. Harry had the decency to blush. Oh, yeah, right. So why?

I thought, Albus said, that perhaps it would make up for the many mistakes I’ve made.

Harry pondered his words thoughtfully, stroking his chin. Well damn, Harry said slowly, I guess it worked.

Albus smiled. Maybe now Lily and James wouldn’t roast him on a spit the moment he passed on.

-KafkaExMachina

Lord of Bones

You know the pairings I write. Consider yourself warned.

You wanted to see me, Professor? asked Harry uncertainly as he stepped into the Headmaster’s office. He paused for a moment, noticing the tiredlook on the aged wizard’s features and the gaggle of redheads around him. >From the side of the gathering, Hermione shot him an apologetic glance.

Mr. Potter, I’m glad to see you could make it here on such short notice, replied the old mage, a note of apology in his voice. He gestured to achair, gesturing for Harry to take a seat.

Harry didn’t move. What’s this about, Professor? asked the Boy-Who-Lived quietly, taking note of the eager expressions on the faces of the Weasleys (save for Ginny, who looked irritated). Dumbledore exhaled wearily.

I assume, Harry, that you are not aware of the recent marriage laws instituted by Rufus this past week, during your recovery? asked the white-haired Headmaster.

Not really.

Dumbledore closed his eyes, his face forming a pained grimace. The gist of it, Harry, is that it is mandatory for every half-blood and Muggleborn to marry into pureblood families that have specifically ‘registered’ for them. Unfortunately Harry, despite your lordship and your status as the destroyer of Voldemort, Rufus has seen to it that you cannot evade this particular atrocity.

But Prof—

Now Harry, said Mrs. Weasley cheerfully, You’re lucky enough that we managed to register for you. Ginny has always considered you her hero, and it’s only fate that you should marry her.

But—

Of course, it’s only fair that you list down all your properties under her name and relinquish your investments to her care.

Fair to whom? he thought angrily. But Mrs—

Yeah, mate. Plus I’m going to get Hermione, so we’ll be one big happyWeasley family, chimed in Ron enthusiastically. Hermione looked ill at this remark, while Ginny looked to be getting progressively angrier.

Arawn help me. He spoke out loud, But—

And think of—

-the pranks—

-we could—

-manufacuture! chimed Fred and George in stereo.

For his part, Harry was getting increasingly frustrated with his inability at getting a word in edge-wise. But—

All you have to do now is sign the documents and we can have the ceremony—

Mrs. Weasley, I’m already married! Harry finally snapped out, his patience exhausted, cutting into Molly’s diatribe.

The ensuing silence was almost solid as Mrs. Weasley gaped soundlessly. Ginny looked fairly relieved however, a stark contrast to her family’s astonishment and Hermione’s gobsmacked demeanour.

Who? whispered Mrs. Weasley.

Daphne Greengrass.

Greengrass? The Slytherin? Mate, she’s an ugly-looking bint! What thebloody hell’s wrong with you?! interjected a visibly dumbfounded Ron.

Ugly? asked Harry incredulously. Daphne? Have you even met her?

Don’t need to, said Ron dismissively. Everyone knows Slytherin birds are the ugliest of the lot.

Harry stared at him disbelievingly before extracting a photo from his pocket and handing it over to the youngest Weasley boy. Ron took it with the air of someone who’d just revealed the stark, honest truth… 

… only to have it deflate moments later. Bloody hell! he all but shrieked, his face going red.

Curious Ginny peered over his shoulder, her eyes widening as she took in the witch in it.

Clad in a wet, white one-piece and a seductively proud smirk, the dark-haired witch’s short hair framed her face perfectly. Dark nipples capped her proud breasts, and a trimmed triangle of shadowy curls was barely visible through the swimsuit. All in all, the woman radiated a sense of"Take me! Take me now!

This your wife? she asked, her eyebrow arching.

No. That’s Pansy Parkinson.

Ron choked. The hot bird in the photo was the Bitch-Queen of Slytherin?!

This is my wife.

The sultry, leggy beauty in the next photo was dressed in a skimpy black bikini that emphasized her sinful curves. A half-smirk decorated her lips as her mid-shoulder length black hair tumbled gracefully down her back.

Bloody hell! Greengrass’s got some nice tits!

Harry scowled at that remark, summoning the photos back to him. As thephotos flew back into his palm, the pictures began to move.

Pansy winked seductively as she ran her hands over her sides, bringingthem up to tug at her nipples as she licked her lips. Daphne drew a fingerinto her mouth, suckling it before running it down her neck and breasts, past her stomach—

Harry put them back into his pocket. Only he had the right to seehis hot wife get herself off.

Preferably with him.

When? gibbered Mrs. Weasley.

About a month ago, shrugged Harry. Something about a marriage contract arranged by our dads. While the physical benefits are great, I’m not inlove with Daphne yet. We’re getting to know each other and so far I reallylike her.

Then there’s a chance, Harry. Div—

I’m not divorcing Daphne, Mrs. Weasley. Besides, Ginny’s involved with Dean.

Damn right! grinned the youngest Weasley.

Harry? asked Hermione, who’d remained quiet thus far. If Daphne’s your wife, why do you have Parkinson’s picture with you?

Harry blushed at that. Erm… well… when I offed Ferret Sr., his property, even those unclaimed or his by relation, fell to me. Pansy was MalfoyJr’s reluctant fiancee and was automatically considered property. I freed her, so she… um… sent me these in case I was considering a Mistress.

He chose not to add that Pansy had snuck into his marriage bed, assuming that he was going to use her the way Draco wanted to. Daphne hadn’t beenamused when she’d walked in on him freeing her lingerie-clad housemate while trying to explain he didn’t want to betray his wife.

Then she’d bound Pansy and proceeded to have her way with him, forcingPansy to watch as he and Daphne rutted for hours on end before finally releasing her.

The photos were delivered the next day, with a plea to consider her asa possible Mistress.

I think, Mr. Potter, that in that case, you are no longer eligible for the law, said Dumbledore, an amused twinkle in his eye.

Harry nodded his tanks and left the room, pausing only before he stepped out. Hermione?’

Yes Harry?

As Lord Potter, I name you a ward of my family. Any sort of marriage contracts will have to be approved by me and my wife.

Hermione blinked in shock, before an ecstatic smile crossed her face. She nodded happily and left with him, closing the door behind her. Harry wondered why she was muttering about cameras and aprchment but dismissed the issue.

And in the office, Dumbledore laughed his arse off at the Weasleys (save Ginny, who’d lft to find Dean).

padenfain13

Had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while now, someone’s probably already done something similar but meh that’s true of almost every fanfic idea anyway, the basic premise is that when Harry is young probably around 5 or 6 he’s either running from Dudley and his gang or something like that and he comes across a snake that of course scares off Dudley and he learns he can talk to snakes. Thus begins a vastly different Harry as he befriends the snake and takes him with him. Not too sure on what species of snake cause I don’t know what kinds would be loose in a park near London but for the sake of the story lets say that its small enough to hide wrapped around Harry’s arm, still poisonous but not something immediately lethal to humans(don’t know all that much about the different species of snakes).
The snake and or snakes cause the Dursley’s to back off leave Harry alone and he really doesn’t mind because he now has the snakes to talk to. The idea I have is that he starts to base his personality slightly off of a snake’s. Which basically is that a snake when not hunting for food will only attack someone when provoked or irritated. The way I see it and have read in studies and stuff is that snakes get angry if you will and after they strike and attack the object of their ire then they no longer hold any animosity towards them. The picture I have is that Malfoy immediately begins provoking Harry with the usual unimaginative taunts like scarhead and other variations (seriously I’ve known five years that could come up with better insults) Harry just ignores him at first which causes Draco to kept it up until he confronts him in a hallway with goons while Harry has at least Hermione with him probably not Ron cause their personalities would seriously clash and Harry’s snake would probably try and eat Whiskers/Wormtail which would make for an interesting twist if that did happen here’s my pitiful attempt at a scene… 

So Potter still hanging hanging around with filth I see, Draco sneered. I should have figured a scarhead like you would be too stupid to choose the right side. Harry looked at him with extreme irritation in his gaze that held a promise of pain. If Draco had had any sense whatsoever he would have backed down upon seeing this but through a combination of arrogance and inbred stupidity he could’t reconize the danger signs that were there.

Malfoy, either get out of our way or I’m going to break your nose, your leg and possibly your hand as well, Harry stated in a cold voice.

Malfoy sneered again. I’d like to see you tr…  He was cut off as a fist smashed into his middle doubling him over and giving a very good view of the knee that smashed into his face causing his nose to erupt in blood. His scream of pain was doubled seconds later when Harry drove his leg down onto Draco’s knee causing it bend backwards before taking his arm, twisting it behind his back causing the joints in his wrist to snap before shoving him painfully into the stunned Crabbe and Goyle. The whole ordeal had taken less than a minute. Immediately side stepping the trio of inbreds err Slytherins Harry continued walking on down the hallway his friends quickly rushing to catch up.

So, Harry said cheerfully. Who wants lunch?

This would probably still have Harry in Gryffindor just cause I don’t think I could effectively write a Slytherin!Harry but since this is an open idea/challenge anyone that could write him Slytherin would be welcome to, personally I think that with his mentality and his affinity with snakes that he would end up killing more than one student if he was put in Slytherin.

Only requirements would be that if it got far enough to do pairings that it be at least Harry/Hermione of course preferably with one or more girls added in as well(who is up the the author’s discretion) and that Harry does not kill the basilisk in second year. The way that I see it is that when he learns about the magical world he also researches about magical species of snakes thus learning about the basilisk. When he hears the basilisk in the walls during second year he reconizes parseltongue for what it is and the rest goes from there. Plus the idea of Harry controling a sixty foot snake that can kill people by looking at them is really cool.

Lord of Bones

Harry grinned victoriously as he destroyed the last horcrux, just as Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange apparated in. It’s over, Tom! he roared, throwing the soul-vessel’s remains at the sorcerer’s feet.

Voldemort’s eyes narrowed, as he grated out, NO, MY ETERNAL RIVAL!

Harry blinked.

You may have destroyed my horcruxes, but my FLAMES OF YOUTH are inextinguishable! As long as that last horcrux exists, my FLAMES OF YOUTH shall continue raging! Voldemort smiled widely, revealing shining teeth that made a vaguely ‘ping’ sound.

Harry’s jaw dropped. Huh?

OOOH! SUCH A HIP RESPONSE! THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF, MY ETERNAL RIVAL! Voldemort struck a pose. No matter! Soon, I, the BEAUTIFUL DARK LORD OF BRITAIN, shall reign supreme! If I do not, I will use Nagini as a jump-rope one-hundred times!

Then Bellatrix spoke up, And if Master does not, I shall run around the Forbidden Forest one-hundred times with my wand-arm tied behind my back!

As Harry struggled to regain a fraction of his sanity, Voldemort and Bella grasped each other, a setting sun appearing behind them.

MASTER!

BELLA!

MASTER!

BELLA!

MASTER!

BELLA!

At this point, Harry gave up and began bashing his head on the floor. Voldemort’s eyes narrowed at that. A HEAD-BANGING CONTEST?! UNFORTUNATELY,MY ETERNAL RIVAL, I CANNOT PARTICIPATE IN IT NOW! THE SCORE REMAINS 6-1 INYOUR FAVOR, BUT I WILL CATCH UP, FOR THE POWER OF YOUTH BURNS IN ME! COME,BELLA!

YES, MASTER! The two disapparated.

Harry began to slump into unto blessed unconsciousness, just as a worried Hermione burst in. Harry! My god, Harry! She nestled his head againsther breasts as she began looking him over for injuries.

Nestled in Hermione’s impressive cleavage, Harry realized two things: that she wasn’t wearing a bra and that she really had nothing to feel inferior about in the breast department. His last thought for a while was: There really is a God.

________________________________

Guess who Bella and Voldie were based on?

Lord of Bones

Thought I’d give a shot at the ‘Ginny’s striptease’ scene.
Editor’s Note: Set against back story of ccso’s Coven of Prefects

Ginny smiled seductively as she took in Harry’s naked body, waiting tosee evidence of his attraction to her as she gave her best shot at a Muggle striptease. Behind her, Ron sputtered angrily. Ginny!

Shove it, Ron! she hissed as she bared her body to the beach, and toa certain Chosen One; her clothes landing on the sand with a dull ‘thump’.She subtly thrust her chest out and took a brief whirl-around, flaunting her goods to the Hogwarts harlots (Oas she had taken to mentally calling thecontingent of attractive witches), Harry, Hermione and (much to his disgust), Ron.

For his part, Harry watched her from his chair with a bored look. While Ginny’s petite frame was attractive enough in a sort of freckle-y kind ofway, it paled in comparison to what he’d been exposed to. When you were exposed to Susan Bones’s gravity-defying knockers, Daphne Greengrass’s sinfully long legs and the other ‘assets’ of the Hogwarts contingent; Ginny Weasley’s boyishly feminine frame fell short.

Seeing her eyes narrow in anger while looking at his crotch (and mindful of the way his harem [as they had taken to calling themselves] were looking at her), Harry tried to be diplomatic, even as Ginny’s gratingly loud screech of Why aren’t you getting stiff?! echoed in the mercifully empty beach.

Sorry Gin, he said apologetically, but after three weeks of supervising perpetually nude people, you kind of get indentured to it. He ignoredTracey’s mutter of That’s not what you said to me, Daph and Lisa this morning, and Susan’s cough*bollocks*cough

Just then, Harry’s ears heard another dull’ fwump’ sound. He turned his head to the right and felt his jaw drop.

Hermione had just finished stripping quietly and was stretching to ease the kinks in her body. Harry’s eyes took in Hermione’s light tan, her full, firm-looking breasts that were capped with dusky-pink nipples, the lightly-toned abdomen, and… was that a lightning bolt? His eyes widened at the way she’d trimmed her pubic hair; the chocolate-brown curls were carefully shaved into the bolt-shape of his scar.

Then he realized that Hermione was looking at him and blushing, her eyes wide while licking her lips. More specifically, she was looking at his crotch.

Mr. Phoenix (as Padma had taken to calling his cock) had apparently woken up to his nine-and-a-half-inch glory the minute Harry looked at Hermione. He barely registered Ginny’s jealous yet hungry look and Ron’s glances towards him and Hermione, furiously envious in his case and lustfully in Hermione.

He reigned in the urge to punch the youngest Weasley son.

Then he heard the wolf-whistle.

Hey stud, purred Daphne, wrapping her arms around him from behind and pressing her generous chest to his shoulders while nipping his earlobe. When you break her in, we want to watch. continued the dark-haired witch sultrily.

Harry’s eyes shot open fully. He barely squeaked as Lisa and Tracey grabbed Hermione by the arms and gently directed her to straddle Harry’s lap,the two blondes smiling naughtily the whole time.

Lord of Bones

Because I’m evil. Implied SB/PP/HP/DG/HG.

Ron Weasley puffed out his chest as he strode down the corridor to thematernity wards, where his wife of nine months had just given birth to twins a few hpours ago. Behind him, Draco Malfoy, Micheal Corner andZacharias Smith paced towards the same room. Ron took no notice.

In a way, he realized that he had won. Harry had disappeared, he was ahero and he bagged Hermione (though he always woke up somewhat disorientedafter sex with her. Strange thing was, she always looked as though she’d been throughly fucked, but he never remembered a thing). And now he had the one thing Harry wanted most of all.

A family.

He pushed upon the doors and strode to his wife’s side, where two bundles nursed at their mother. Adjacent beds held Daphne Malfoy, Padma Corner and Susan Smith; all of which wore the expressions of proud new mothers and had bundles at their breasts.

He took a peek at his twins and froze.

Something was wrong.

First of all, neither of them had red fuzz on their heads. One was jet-black, the other brown.

And their eyes were not Weasley-blue. One had Hermione’s brown eyes.

The other’s was emerald-green.

Wha—

Four female voices cried out, OBLIVIATE!

There is nothing out-of-the-ordinary with the children. They are perfectly fine. You will leave and come back in 24 hours. instructed Hermione to Ron. The other mothers gave their own instructions to their husbands.

Soon, the ward was empty save for the women and their babies. Thank Merlin for memory charms, muttered Daphne.

We’ll have to put up the glamours soon, said Susan softly, cradling her baby girl.

There are some semi-permanent glamours in my family library, said Padma quietly. We’ll make sure they don’t suspect who our children’s real father is.

Hermione suddenly hissed in surprise. Three heads turned to look at her.

Adrian’s very hungry, she cooed to her son, just like his daddy.

Three identical smiles sprang up at the memory.

And in a twilight world of limbo, Harry smiled before disappearing.

The Lord of the Dead was a father now, after all.

Kinsfire

James: Well, I’m a bit peeved about the beginning part of his life, but that last bit was a good bit of all right, old man.

Lily: I’m still going to roast your giblets for hurting my boy, but at least you’ve ensured he’s happy, so I’ll only roast them a little. (Looks down at Harry) Oh James, look at him — he’s so manly!

James (looking): And flexible, apparently,unless that Granger girl used a spell on him… damn… but hey, we Potters always do one thing right — we get the attention of a smoking hot girl, and then let themrun our sex lives.

Lily (dangerously): You’re not complaining, are you?

James: Hell no! I never hit that position he’s in until the afterlife! I’m good as long as the end result leaves all body parts where they belong and in working order.

Lily: Good boy. (pats his cheek) Now Albus, we need to talk… 

Lord of Bones

This was supposed to be crack, but then got away from me… again, so now it’s disturbing crack. Just something I thought of while reading Keiths Drabble #24 *hint, hint*

Harry smiled to himself as he began a mental countdown. 3,2,1… Showtime!

He turned expectant eyes to the Head Table, where the teachers were going through a plethora of strange expressions. Then, one by one, they stoodup, their faces going vacant as the truth drug he overheard the (now-working) Twins say they were going to slip into their drinks began to work.

The truth is, said Dumbledore, I have magical sensors that visuallyrecord every act of fornication in school, except for those in the dorms. I trade the raunchiest for a year’s supply of lemon drops, while selling off the rest for personal funds. I also entertain fantasies ivolving Gellert Grindlewald, Alastor Moody, myself and a giant bowl of whipped cream.

He then sat down, amidst incredulous blinks from the student body. McGonagall stood up.

The truth is, said the strict Deputy Headmistress, that I have romantic inclinations towards Mrs. Norris and Crookshanks. I also entertain notions of being paddled while being bent over my desk by Mr. Finnegan. She then took her seat.

From his right, he heard Seamus spray out his pumpkin juice in horrified shock. More incredulous blinks.

Aurora Sinistra stood up. The young, slim blonde Professor began her sordid story, The truth is, I’m still a virgin.

This time, Harry felt himself — and most of the male population — choke.

I daily fantasize about being shagged on the roof of the Astronomy Tower by Harry Potter. Sometimes he ties me up and spanks me.

Harry stared at the twenty-six year old woman with surprise, noting the barely-visible hard points on her robe’s chest as she sat down. He made amental note to spend more time in the Astronomy Tower.

Septima Vector was up next. The truth is, said the Arithmancy Professor, I failed all my primary school math classes. I also recieved a D for my Arithmancy OWL.

Hermione’s scandalized gasp echoed throughout the Great Hall as the Professor took her seat.

Next up was Flitwick. The truth is, admitted the dimunitive Professor, that I use my other wand for duelling. I almost always win.

Harry turned green. As did most of the student body.

I also know that Miss Chang enjoyed ‘disciplining’ Mr. Diggory and, recently, Mr. Corner. She lets me watch.

Several stunned faces turned to the now beet-red Cho. Down the aisle, a second-year burst into tears as he claimed that his innocence had been ruined forever.

As Flitwick took his seat, Sprout stood up. The truth is, said the Herbology Professor, Mr. Longbottom has a great arse.

Neville squeaked in shock.

In fact, his father had the same arse. I gave my virginity to him. I shall relieve Mr. Longbottom of his in return.

There was a thud.

Neville had fainted.

Next was Hagrid. Tha’ truth is, he said, I often wonder how me’ pa had sex wi’ me’ mum, since, y’know, me’ pa’s a midget and me’ ma’s a giantess.

That was a mental picture Harry didn’t need.

I mean, me mum’s pus—

Stupefy! screamed several voices, including Harry’s own. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Pansy Parkinson tuck her wand back into her (very nice) cleavage, a look of revulsion on her face. He couldn’t blame her.

He needed brain bleach, fast.

The situation that was made worse by Argus Filch’s confession.

The truth is, said the caretaker, I’m a BDSM fanatic.

Dean spat out the fried chicken he was eating, a look of horrified shock on his face.

My deepest, darkest fantasy is for a strapping young lad with a nice package to flog me while I’m manacled to the wall wearing a black leather bodysuit. Someone like those Weasley twins… 

A thud signified Ginny’s fainting. Ron’s SWEET MERLIN! wasn’t helping matters, nor were the looks of terror on the faces of all the students present.

For God’s sake, someone shut him up! shrieked Susan Bones. A cursoryglance told Harry that the redheaded Hufflepuff was close to passing out. An anonymously sent Silencio! shut Filch up, while a Petrificus! from the Ravenclaw table sent him out of sight.

As Filch crashed onto the floor and passed out, it was inevitable thatSnape would speak out. The truth is, said the snarky Potions Master, I secretly recorded Potter’s and Lily’s sex marathon, including the threesome with Narcissa Malfoy. I wank off to it every night, wishing I was sandwiched between them.

Harry turned pale at the mental imagery. An outraged What?! came from the Slytherin tables.

I also know the real reason Miss Bulstrode gets kicked out of the Slytherin Girls’ dorms each night.

The aforementioned girl looked up suspiciously. Harry’s eyes widened with horror.

It’s because Potter Jr. has been visiting the Girls’ Dorms each night since his 5th year, in order to engage in sexual relations with Miss Davis, Miss Greengrass and Miss Parkinson.

The aforementioned girls turned white. You’ve been kicking me out because Potter’s been rogering you?! shrieked Milicent angrily.

Bloody hell! said Ron.

That might explain why Parkinson’s been less vicious, even with the Inquisitorial Squad, muttered Seamus.

I know this because I’ve been spying on them while wanking off, imagining myself joining in.

WHAT?!

How could you?! continued Bulstrode. With Potter of all—

25 centimeters and multiple orgasms say otherwise, Bulstrode! snapped a quickly-recovering Tracey.

T-Twenty-five? stuttered Hermione, eyes wide.

Mu-Multiple orgasms? stammered Susan Bones.

Nice move, Trace, muttered Daphne, massaging the bridge of her nose irritably.

For his part, Harry was quickly realizing that the odds of him gettingany from his girlfriends tonight were rapidly slimming.

The teachers however were rapidly recovering from the truth drug, revealing that they had no memory of what they had just said as they stared at the dumbfounded students. I say, said Horace Slughorn, who’d just entered, what is the matter with Mr. Longbottom?

================ ::: :=======================

The revised version, beta’ed by M2J:

Harry smiled to himself as he began a mental countdown, ‘3… 2… 1…  Showtime!’

He turned expectant eyes to the Head Table, where the teachers were going through a plethora of strange expressions. One by one, each of the professors would stand up, their faces going vacant as the truth drug, he overheard the (now-working) Twins say they were going to slip into their drinks, began to work.

The truth is, said Dumbledore standing, I have magical sensors that visually record every act of fornication inschool, except for those in the dorms. I trade the raunchiest for a year’ssupply of lemon drops, while selling off the rest for personal funds. I also entertain fantasies involving Gellert Grindlewald, Alastor Moody, myselfand a giant bowl of whipped cream.

He then sat down, amidst incredulous blinks from the student body.

Professor McGonagall was the next to stand up.

The truth is, said the strict Deputy Headmistress, that I have romantic inclinations towards Mrs. Norris and Crookshanks. I also entertain notions of being paddled while being bent over my desk by Mr.Finnegan.

She then took her seat.

From his right, he heard Seamus spray out his pumpkin juice in horrified shock. More incredulous blinks.

Aurora Sinistra stood up.

The truth is, I’m still a virgin, The young, slim blonde Professor began her sordid story. This time, Harry felt himself — and most of the male population — choke. I daily fantasize about being shagged on the roof of the Astronomy Tower by Harry Potter. Sometimes he ties me up and spanks me.

Harry stared wide-eyed at the twenty-six year old woman with surprise, noting the barely-visible hardpoints on her robe’s chest as she sat down. He made a mental note to spendmore time in the Astronomy Tower. He was also thanking every deity above that at least something in his life was going his way for once.

AfterSinistra, next was Septima Vector.

The truth is, said the Arithmancy Professor, I failed all my primary school math classes. I also received a D for my Arithmancy OWL.

Hermione’s scandalized gasp echoed throughout the Great Hall as the Arithmancy Professor took her seat. Harry couldn’t help but grin at the horrified expression on his best female friend’sface. He really needed Colin’s camera at the moment because it was an image he wanted to burn into his memory forever.

Maybe Dumbledore would let him use his pensieve… 

Next up was Filius Flitwick, the half-goblin Charms Professor.

The truth is, admitted the dimunitive Professor, that when I use my other wand for duelling. I almost always win.

Harry turned green. As did most of the student body. There was just sometimes the truth was best left unsaid, and this was most definitely one of them.

I also know that Miss Chang enjoyed ‘disciplining’ Mr. Diggory and, more recently, Mr. Corner. She even lets me watch.

Severalstunned faces turned to the now beet-red Cho. Corner looked as surprised and stunned as everyone else. He obviously wasn’t aware that others even knew, let alone was there AND watched, his and Cho’s disciplinary sessions.

Down the aisle, a third-year, by the name of Orla Quirke, burst intotears as she claimed that her innocence had been ruined forever.

Harry was now contemplating what he should get Marietta for Christmas this year. If it wasn’t for her interference in his and Cho’s relationship, who knows what Flitwick would have seen him and Cho doing.

Harry shudderedvisibly in his seat, though it went widely unnoticed.

As Flitwick took his seat, Ponoma Sprout stood up.

The truth is, said the Herbology Professor, Mr. Longbottom has a great arse.

Neville squeaked in shock. He was also beat red and poking his fingers together much like a character Harry had seen in one of Dudley’s television programs that he hadsnuck in to watch while no one noticed.

In fact, his father had the same arse, she continued wistfully, as if she was reliving some great moment in her life. No one could have ever been prepared for what she said next, I gave my virginity to him and I think I shall relieve Mr. Longbottom of his in return.

There was a thud.

Neville had fainted. Just like the character on character on the telly. Though it was understandable. After some of the revelations so far, Harry wished he was unconsious.

However, it was not to be and to the horror of many, next was Hagrid.

Tha truth is, he said, I often wonder how meh pa had sex wit mehmum, since, y’know, meh pa’s just a tiny little fella and meh ma’s a fullygrown giantess.

That was a mental picture Harry didn’t need.

I mean, meh mum’s pus—

Stupefy! screamed several voices, including Harry’s own. His wand arm was shaky as he slowly lowered it.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Pansy Parkinson tuck her wand back into her (very nice) cleavage, a look of revulsion on her face. He couldn’t blame her, he too needed the brain bleach, and fast.

Then again, he’d settle for opportunity to use his mouth to see what else besides her wandthat Parkinson had hidden in her enticing cleavage.

Unfortunately, he was pulled out of his short mid-evening fantasy of rubbing his face in Pansy’s breasts when the situation grew progressively worse by Argus Filch’sconfession.

The truth is…  said the caretaker, I’m a BDSM fanatic.

Dean spat out the fried chicken he was eating, a look of horrified shock on his face. Even Ron had stopped eating at this point and had pushed his plate away from him. FAR away. And Harry had thought that there wasn’t anything that could ruin his best mate’s appetite. Apparently, the images of Filch in bondage leathers was Ron’s appetite’s Krytonite.

Well actually, it was everyone’s appetite’s Krytonite and if that much unneeded image couldn’t stop Ron from eating…  Well he’d be worried. Very worriedabout the things his friend took an interest in.

My deepest, darkest fantasy is for a strapping young lad with a nice package to flog me while I’m manacled to the wall wearing a black leather bodysuit. Someone like those Weasley twins… 

A thud signified Ginny’s fainting. Harry at this point really, REALLY wished he was a weaker man because he didn’t thinkhe’d want to hear anymore from any of the other members of the staff.

Ron’s SWEET MERLIN! wasn’t helping matters, nor were the looks of terror on the faces of all the students present as pandemonium threatened to spread across the Great Hall, especially since it didn’t appear that Filch was quite done yet.

For God’s sake, someone shut him up! shrieked Susan Bones. A cursory glance told Harry that the redheaded Hufflepuff was close to passing out. He absently noted the rather hypnotic movements of her rather supple bust caused by her panicked, near-hyperventilation.

Ananonymously sent Silencio! shut Filch up, while a Petrificus! from theRavenclaw table sent him out of sight.

As Filch crashed onto the floor and passed out, it was inevitable that Snape would speak out. Harry wasn’t so sure he even wanted to hear what the former Potions Master, turned Defense Professor, had to say.

Once again, he as 110% correct.

The truth is, said the snarky greasy haired professor, I secretly recorded James and Lily Potter’s 3 hour sex marathon they had in the Divination Tower, including the threesome they had with Narcissa Malfoy, nee Black. I wank off to it every night, wishing I was sandwiched between them.

Harry turned pale at the mental imagery. Though when he saw his father in heaven, he’d have to congratulate him on bagging Malfoy’s mum. She was hot!

An outraged What?! came from the Slytherin tables and despite Snape’s comments about wanting to sleep with his parents and Draco’s mum, he couldn’t help but take a small amount of satisfaction that Draco was just as disgusted and outraged as he was, if not more so, since his mother had sexual relations with a mudblood.

Since many people said he looked so much like his father, except for his mum’s eyes, Harry idly wondered if he stood a chance with the Malfoy Matriarch. Much to his chagrin, fantasies involving him buggering his nemesis’ mother in Dumbledore’s Office were put on hold as Snape continued on.

I also know the real reason Miss Bulstrode gets kicked out of the Slytherin Girls’ dorms each night.

Theaforementioned girl looked up suspiciously as Harry’s eyes widened with horror.

Shit…  he swore under his breath. Hermione looked at Harry sharply, though she was the only one, as everyone else was hanging off of Snape’s every word.

Harry had to admit, despite being an ugly, overgrown bat, the Death Eater spy could definitely command the unwavering attention of a crowd.

It’s because Golden Boy Potter has been visiting the Slytherin Girls’ Dormitories each night since the middle of his 5th year, in order to engage in sexual relations with Miss Davis, Miss Greengrass and Miss Parkinson.

The aforementioned girls turned ghostly white. While surprised gasps came from both Hermione and the Ravenclaw Table.

You’ve all been kicking me out because Potter’s been rogering you?! shrieked Milicent angrily.

Bloody hell! shouted Ron.

Glancingat his male best friend to gauge his reaction, Harry saw that Ron looked lost, as if his whole world had shattered all around him and, most likely, it had.

If Harry knew Ron even half as well as he thought he did, then he knew exactly what the red-haired chess master had running through his head.

Admiration for bagging three birds at once; indignation because they were all three Slytherins- and thus, evil; jealousy for bagging three girls that looked as good as they did; betrayal because Harry never mentioned what he had been doing on his late night strolls; and hundreds of other complex thoughts and emotions that Harry knew Hermione was pretty sure Ron was incapable of experiencing.

Yes, Ron very torn between beratingand congratulating his best friend, so he took option three and fainted.

Guess that explains why Parkinson’s been less of a cold bitch this year, even when she was on that bloody Inquisitorial Squad, muttered Seamus.

Apparently, Snape had more to say, as he remained standing. Once the chaos of the Great Hall calmed down, Snape continued on. I know all of this because…  I’ve been spying on them while wanking off, and imagining myself joining in.

WHAT?! came shouts from all across the Great Hall.

H-How…  How could you?! Bulstrode ranted, though whether it was at her dorm mates or her Head of House, no one was quite certain. And with Potter of all—

Twenty five centimeters and multiple orgasms say otherwise, Bulstrode! snapped a quickly-recovering Tracy coming to Harry’s aid. However, Harry could only groan at the reactions all across the school to that comment.

T-Twenty-five? stuttered Hermione, eyes wide.Harry was sure he saw her eyes wander down to his crotch once or twice.

Mu-Multiple orgasms? stammered Susan Bones. Hannah, who was seated next to her, seemed to be lost in some sort of fantasy, and was beginning todrool.

Nice move, Trace, muttered Daphne, massaging the bridge ofher nose irritably. Pansy palmed her forehead as she shook her head at their predicament.

For his part, Harry’s shoulder slumped as quickly realized the odds of him getting any from his girlfriends tonight were rapidly slimming to nothing. He was also taking back every good thing he said about those deities earlier. For all he cared, they could take those praises he gave to them earlier and shove them up their arses.

Through it all, Harry idly wondered if this was how those ants that Dudley used to burn with a magnifying glass felt.

Thankfully, as Snape sat down, the teachers seemed to be rapidly recovering from the effects of the truth drug they were under. Further observations revealed that none of them had any memory of what they had just said as they stared down at the dumbfounded students.

Good evening all! said Horace Slughorn, who had just entered, as jovial as ever. However, he frowned as he took in the scene in the Great Hall, especially the sobbing Ravenclaw 3rd Year. What is the matter with Miss Quirke?

Lord of Bones

A fair bit… well… unlike my usual fare. Less crack, more corny dark romance crap, with Dark!Harry and Seductive!Hermione.
I think.

Green eyes appraise her slowly, closely; almost seeing into her soul. For an instant, a smirk curves his mouth, but vanishes as soon as it appears.

She does not flinch; meeting his gaze coolly and decisively.Brown met green.

A bare arm lanced out, the fingers barely touching her forehead.

She did nothing.

His fingers trail down her face, brushing past brown curls, till his hand cupped her cheek, stroking it gently with the pad of his thumb. To his surprise, she nuzzles into it, a soft purr escaping her.

His eyes narrow, remembering old emotions. He jerks away.

She pulls back, shocked. But she understands.

He circles her warily.

She does nothing, but watches him.

His breath tickles her neck, his frame just behind her. She leans backagainst him, black robes against dragonhide.

He does not pull away. Almost mockingly, he lets his hands fall to herwaist, then skimming upwards to her breasts.

She inhales sharply, but does not pull away.

He cups her, gently massaging proud, firm breasts. Thumbs stroke erectnipples through dark cloth.

She moans. He smiles coldly.

Why brings the one of the highest members of the Orderof the Phoenix to the throne of the Dark Lord? he murmurs into her ear, letting her tremble.

She says nothing.

Answer me.

Did you think I would turn against you? she asks him.

He does not reply.

They wish for me to seduce you, to gain your confidence.

And you disagree?

Suddenly, she turns around, pressing herself against him. She smirks a pure, feminine smirk at what presses into her; large, hot and angry.Her lips skim his jaw, before she whispers; I will never betray you.

He says nothing. She disentangles herself, sauntering from him. She knows he’s watching her.

She stops before the side of the bed. A swift movement sees the fall of her robe.

He watches her hungrily. She sits back on the bed, two fingers spreading herself for him. One hand cups her breast, pinching the pink nipple.

Her smile is coy. He needs no other invitation.

His kisses are harsh and possessive. Hers are compliant, loving.

He marks her, biting at her neck and hungrily suckling her breasts.

She marks him, fingernails digging into his back and soft coos of approval into his ear.

He does not relent, tormenting her with powerful thrusts through her climaxes.

She screams his name one last time as he plunges into her to the hilt,her muscles coaxing his orgasm. He breathes deeply into her neck, before pulling out and settling himself next to her and bringing up the blanket.

For a while, they are silent. He pulls her to him, her curls brushing his chin. She tilts her head and kisses his neck.

Why? he asks at last.

She smiles and wraps her hand around his half-hard cock, her body gliding lower.

Before blessed, wet head, adoring lips and a skilled tongue take him, he hears her.

Becuase I put my faith in the Devil.

Lord of Bones

He opened his eyes wearily, blinking as the familiar sensation of lifefiltered past his senses. He shuddered, feeling the memories surge back into his mind. He closed his eyes, feeling the familiar pulse of pain as his memories asserted themselves.

The memories came flooding back to him. Seyruun, Atlas City, Zelas’s bastard priest… 

He groaned out loud as more memories flooded his mind. That damnable flat-chested bitch Inverse, Gorun Nova’s wielder, the foolish princess-idealist, the chimera-tool of Ruby-Eye’s pawn, Aqualord’s duel with him in the dimension of the Clair Bible… 

Phibrizo.

Impossible. Hellmaster had shattered his Astral body. How could he still be alive?

Experimentally, he held out his hand and flexed it, noting the movements in the small appendage. He had to be at least seven mortal years.

Deep within himself, he felt the part of him that was still Mazoku burn readily. An orb of pulsating crimson hovered over his palm before he dispelled it, satisfied that he still retained his powers.

He let himself reach out into the Astral Plane, searching for answers.

Nothing.

Impossible!

Zelas, Dynast, Deep-Sea, the lesser Mazoku… they were gone! As thoughthey had never existed!

Even the fragments of Shabranigdu were undetectable! The Dark Lord’s presence was gone!

Is this another world?

Then, momentarily, he felt it.

A presence, not unlike Lord Ruby-Eye.

A freezing, malignant power that was held back.

He was on Chaotic Blue’s staff. He filed the information away for future reference.

BOY!

He jerked out of his musings, eyeing the horse-faced woman disdainfully.

GET BACK TO WORK!

Contempously, he let a fraction of his power show, releasing a portionof his true self.

Petunia Dursley froze in terror at the three-headed crimson dragon that manifested over her nephew.

Get out.

She turned and ran. He contemplated blasting her with chaos energy, but decided against.

Why bother with an insect when you had an entire world?

And then Harry James Potter, he who was once Chaos Dragon Gaav, smiled.

Kinsfire

Just tweaking around while trying to write other things. Not necessarily any good, so read at your own risk. I see this as the last appearance of shy!Harry. Trust me, having the girl with the best ass… ets in the school pounce him like that would give him all sorts of confidence!

Harry, why are you blushing every time youlook at me? Hermione asked with some annoyance.

He couldn’t meet her eyes, and she was actually wondering why his eyes would never get above her breasts without him turning an even brighter red. Well, uh, I made the mistake of talking to a few of those . . . the priest guys?

Yes? she asked slowly, her temper rising slightly.

Well they, uh, they were explaining exactly what was meant by the, uh, by the consort thing, and he showed me the, uh, the traditional garb of the consort. He held out a scroll to her and winced.

Why are you wincing? she asked as she unrolled it. She own eyes widened when she saw it, though — it was a picture of her (surprisingly accurate, actually) in a toga.

Classically worn.

Have you been blushing because you’ve been imagining me wearing this? she asked, also amazed at the amount of leg it showed. Only magic would keep her from flashing someone if she bent over wearing it.

He mumbled indistinctly, but his blush turning nearly incandescent gave her an idea of what he’d said. Feeling her nipples tighten at the thrill that she was doing that to Harry, she asked, this time trying to purr, What was that, Harry?

He squeaked and looked up at her, actually making it to her eyes for once. His mouth flapped like a goldfish for a moment, and he finally managed to say — squeak would be a more correct description — Can’t think of anything else, he murmured.

Let’s talk, she said, taking his hand and pulling his out of the room.

She led the way to the Room of Requirement, pretending not to hear him when he moaned Cor! as she walked in front of him. She walked back and forth in front of the room, thinking very strongly on the bulge in his trousers and the fact that she didn’t want to be disturbed until they were ready for it.

The door appeared, and they stepped inside.She smirked at the tunic hanging next to the door, and openly grinned as the door disappeared. I suppose that it’s time to let you see the First Consort in proper garb, she purred at him.

You shouldn’t just because they — he started to say, but stopped when she sauntered over to him, her hips swaying.

Just wait. You’ll understand in a few moments, she said, and proceeded to undress for him. She chuckled as she heard soft music start, so she turned it into a striptease. She’d never done one before, or even contemplated one, but his reactions made it a must for her.

She felt a thrill run through her when her nipples finally came into view, because there was naked hunger in his eyes. He actually wants ME! she crowed. She turned and wiggled her bum at him as she lowered her knickers, and was startled tosee how difficult it was for him to remain seated.

She grabbed the tunic and slid it on, wrapping the belt around her waist before turning to face him again. What do you think?

He was panting heavily, as if her were in the throes of a lycanthropic change. I think you need to get dressed and leave the room before I do something I’ll hate myself for.

She looked at his bulge and smiled. Time to make my point to him. Or is that points? she asked as she thrust her breasts forward slightly.

She swayed her way to directly in front of him before dropping to her knees. She reached out and undid his trousers, finally answering the question so many girls in the school had asked.

Commando.

She gently grasped the throbbing erection in front of her and asked, Are you afraid that you’re going to take this and force me to bend over and fuck me silly? Shethen leaned forward and took the tip in her mouth for a moment and sucked gentlyfor just a second. Or maybe you’ll press me against the wall, holding my arms over my head while you plunder my virginity. She bobbed her head again, taking more of his 25 centimetres into her mouth, and bobbing several times. Or maybe you’ll throw me onto that bed and use the silk ropes to tie me there while you drive this beautiful piece of meat into me until I scream your name? She punctuated that one with a full deep throat and as much suction as she could manage.

She smiled internally as he growled and exploded down her throat. She’d suspected thathe was fairly close, given how worked up he seemed to be, and how long he’d been staring at her before. As each pulse sent a little more down her throat, she began to hum. That made him howl and arch from the chair, pumping even harder.

When he’d finally spent, she released him while he was still semi-hard and climbed to her feet. The chair shimmered and changed, making it easier for her to climb onto hislap, straddling him. She made her intentions clear when she placed what was leftof his erection against her opening. When you get hard again, Harry, you’ll grow right inside me, just the way I want. So do you really think that I’d complain if you pressed me against a wall or tied me to a bed? She grinned and lifted the hem of the tunic, showing off her neatly trimmed pubic hair.

Oh, hesaid with a blush. I guess you made the decision a while ago.

She grinned. Yup. That’s your lightning bolt, sexy. Even did the spells to negate growth of the surrounding hair. That lightning bolt is there forever. A moment latershe gasped, And so is that! She faded into a delighted fog as his lips latched onto her bare nipple while they began to rock in the chair.

# # # # #

So, howis it to be the first consort? Lavender asked mockingly. She was startled by Hermione’s delighted shudder.

Heavenly, was the brunette’s response a moment later.

How about Hermione developing Alyx’s FPIA (Frying Pan of Infinite Attacks) — he says something stupid (and this is a surprise?!?!?) around her, possibly when Winky or Dobby is listening, and the elf gives her a frying pan to hit him with. Thus is born the first Holy Weapon of the church.

Lord of Bones

He’s changed.

She knows that, though she doesn’t want to believe it. Her hero has changed.

His eyes are always closed now, yet he sees. He sees with surprising clarity.

Her brother spouts on about how he’s an arrogant bastard, how he daredignore Ron Weasley.

She ignores Ron. He doesn’t understand her hero.

He smiles at her often.

It’s not a normal smile. His eyes are closed and his lips quirk upwards.

It’s the smile of a fox.

Of a snake.

Even Snape steers clear of that smile.

Except her. Except the know-it-all.

For her, his eyes open. For her, his smile is genuine.

Human.

Even his speech has changed.

It’s drawled out and mocking, cruel and taunting.

Except for her.

With her, his voice is playful, soft.

With others, it’s cruelly taunting.

Then an arm is slung around her neck and a wand is pressed to her head. The teachers gasp, the students yell in fright.

Potter!

It’s Malfoy. Her white knight will save her from the ferret.

The Weasel-bitch will die if you don’t come out!

He’s nowhere to be seen.

Whaddya know, he speaks up suddenly.

He’s behind the know-it-all. She squeaks with surprise, his hands on her shoulders.

Tha’ lil’ ferret wants to play?

She feels Malfoy jabbing his wand into her neck. You’ll pay for my parents, Potter!

There is madness in Malfoy’s voice.

Her hero’s smile widens. Well now, that ain’t good.

His wand points at Malfoy.

But it’s not a wand anymore.

It’s a strange-looking long dagger.

If you pull yo’ wand out in a place like this, I’ll just have to stopyou, won’t I?

She almost feels Malfoy sneer. A dagger’s not going to help you, Potter.

It ain’t a dagger.

For a moment, she feels fear.

Dumbledore rises. Harry, Mr. Malfoy—

Ikorose, Shinsou.

Seel’vor

Just a random bit of brain fluff. Not sure where this would go from here…

Harry…  you know I love you, right? Hermione asked, the question startling the raven-haired wizard.

Er…  well, I just asked you to be my girlfriend, Hermione. Harry replied softly. I’m rather glad to hear that you love me. He beamed at her, only to have the expression falter when he saw Hermione’s face. Is…  what’s wrong?

Hermione stood up, taking his hand. We need to talk…  in private, Harry.Can we use the Room of Requirement?

Nodding slowly, Harry allowed himself to be pulled out of the common room,heading round the seventh floor to the other side of the castle. Hermione quickly summoned the room, pushing Harry inside and casting several powerful locking and anti-eavesdropping charms on the door.

Once sat down, Hermione folded her hands in her lap. Harry… 

He knelt in front of her, taking one of her hands. Hermione…  what’s wrong. You’re scaring me, sweetie.

Not as much as I will be in a few minutes. Hermione thought to herself. Harry…  haven’t you ever wondered about my name?

Thrown by this apparent change in conversation, he just shrugged. Well… I’ve met your parents, and they both seem like people who’d like the classics. Shortly after I met you, I read ‘The Winter’s Tale’, and I know that Hermione is a name from that book.

She nodded, secretly thrilled that he’d read some classic literature, because of her. That’s…  that’s partly right, Harry. He grinned at her. But…  The grin faded slightly. That’s not the only reason. What do you knowabout the old Greek gods?

Er…  next to nothing, really. Just Hercules, Zeus, Hera…  that sort of thing. Harry admitted.

Have you heard of the messenger of the gods?

Hermes. Harry said after a moment of thought. Huh…  that explains why Percy named his owl that. He muttered under his breath. What about him?

Hermes had a child, Harry. Hermione lectured softly. With a woman called Aphrodite. This child was…  unique.

Harry pondered for a moment. This was striking chords in his brain. He knew this…  I…  I’ve heard of this…  He tapped his temples. Come on, brain…  need some work here… 

Harry. Hermione said, prompting the young man to look at her. The childof Hermes and Aphrodite was Hermaphroditus. The child was special because they had both male and female genitals.

A Hermaphrodite. Harry nodded. Damn, that girl knows everyth…  Huh…  He looked into her eyes. Is there…  something you wish to tell me?

Nodding, Hermione stood up. She quickly unbuttoned her robes, tossing themcasually to the floor, before she unbuttoned her blouse. Harry looked downas she pulled the harsh cotton away, revealing a rather lacy bra, wrapped tightly around two impressive breasts.

She quickly reached round her back, snapping the fastener to the bra open,letting the material fall from her shoulders.

Damn…  I could play with those…  Wait…  there’s more.

Hermione reached behind herself again, unzipping her skirt, letting it fall to the floor, revealing a lacy thong.

There are two kinds of Hermaphrodite, Harry. Hermione said, falling backinto the safe, comfortable lecturing tone she had. Sequential, which is where the being is one sex, then changes…  and simultaneous, where the being has both sets of organs.

Please don’t hate me…  She whispered, as she pushed the thong down, to reveal… 

Oh, sweet child of mine!

Lord of Bones

In the great hall, the robed man stood at the great altar where a glowing scroll rested, his hands wide open in exultation and a look of sheer ecstasy on his face. Around him, hundreds of people knelt in obesiance, theirhands folded as though in prayer as chants and hymns of worship echoed in the building. Had there been anyone nearby, they would have thought that a religious ceremony was being conducted.

In a way, they would have been absolutely correct.

Hail, Brothers and Sisters! roared the robed man.

Hail, Great Stormspeaker! roared the throng of people in return.

Tomorrow shall be a most glorious day, my people! boomed the man. For tomorrow marks the fifteenth anniversary of a glorious beginning, the beginning of an era! Tomorrow marks the fifteenth year of Our Lord’s triumph over the False Serpent! Praise to the Deathson, praise to the Lightning Child!

Praise to the Deathson! Praise to the Lightning Child!

Praise to the Divine Parents, the Great Stag and the Eternal Lily!

Praise to the Divine Parents, the Great Stag and the Eternal Lily!

Tomorrow, we shall have our pilgrimage, on the most holiest of days! Tomorrow, we, the Faithful of the Lightning Child, shall pay homage tohim within his demesne! Tomorrow, we shall go to Hogwarts!

The throng cheered. TO HOGWARTS!

Great Stormspeaker! yelled one. What of those who will be the Divine Consorts? Does the Scroll not say that the Lady of the Book, the Seeker of Freedoms, she who is First Consort; will be tempted by the Orange Infidel? Does it not also say that the Harlot shall attempt to seduce Our Lord?!

The Most Glorious Consorts shall we praise as well! For they shall bethe Queens of Our Lord’s Heart! Praise to the Divine Consorts, they who will be Mothers of the Divine Children!

Praise to the Divine Consorts!

TO HOGWARTS!

TO HOGWARTS!

Lord of Bones

Hermione sniffled as she crouched at the farthest side of the girls’ toilet, her face buried in her arms. It just wasn’t fair.

She’d tried so hard to be accepted! She’d learned spells faster than her yearmates to get their respect, their friendship! Then that horrid, horrid Ron Weasley said that she was a know-it-all, that she had no friends.

She sniffled again. He was telling the truth. She really had no friends, no-one wanted her company… 

She was so caught up in her self-loathing that she didn’t notice the shadow falling over her.

My, my, what’s this then? remarked an obnoxiously cheerful voice. Hermione yelped with fright, her head shooting up only to meet a smiling facewith perpetually closed eyes, framed with shaggy black hair and glasses.

Harry Potter, Slytherin first year. The enigmatic boy was clad in his usual cloak, tunic and trousers, his ever-present red-jeweled staff in his gloved right hand.

Potter! she squeaked out. What are you doing here? This is the girls’ bathroom!

He waggled his finger at her playfully. That is a secret!

Hermione gaped at him. Harry continued to smile cheerfully. Finally, remembering why she was here, she buried her face in her arms again. Just… leave me alone!

I truly have to laugh at this, commented the boy. You get insultedonce, and here you are, bawling like a big crybaby.

Hermione’s sniffles stopped. She looked up at him, a disbelieving lookon her face. What… did you just say?

One snarky comment and you completely fall apart. You really are useless, aren’t you?

Hermione stared at him, a red flush spreading across her cheeks. What? she whispered.

I mean, is this the best you can do? Guess the brilliant Hermione Granger isn’t really all that she’s cracked up to be, continued Harry mercilessly, crossing his arms behind his head.

What did you say?! she snarled at him, before slumping back.

He noticed. Oh my, is that all the so-called ‘most brilliant witch’ of her year is capable of? Obviously, you’re nothing compared to Weasley. He shrugged. How dull. He turned on his heel and walked away.

WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU BASTARD?! REDUCTO! The spell slammed into the boy’s back, blasting him onto a wall with a sickening crack.

Hermione looked triumphant, feeling the thrill of the power within her… until the reality of what she had just done hit her. She was about to scream in horror… until a twelve-foot troll burst into the bathroom. Hermione froze, looking at the abomination in terror. Slowly, she began to inch back, hoping the troll didn’t notice.

But it did.

Hermione cringed in terror as the club descended… only to freeze in mid-fall.

Do you want to live? asked Harry, from behind her. The young man looked as composed as ever. Hermione stared at him in shock. How—

Do you want to live, Hermione Granger?

… yes, she whispered.

Then feel it… feel the magic. Call it out… 

Almost hypnotically, she reached out, feeling the power responding, responding to her. Absently, she felt Harry’s hands on her upper arms. Picture it, he whispered; a ribbon of purest energy to cut through your enemy.

Now, he continued. Say its name… and release it!

ZELAS BRID!

The ribbon of light blasted into the frozen troll, destroying it within seconds. Hermione stared at her hands in shock, then at Harry; before a goofy smile crossed her face.

Then she fainted into Harry’s arms. Unseen by any, he picked her up and vanished in a pulse of darkness; only to reappear in the Gryffindor Girls’ Dorm. He tucked her into bed, watching her sleep with that drunken smile on her face.

How was that, Jou-ou-sama? he asked softly.

Only he heard the approving chuckle of Zelas echoing in the room.

Lord of Bones

Hello Professor Dumbledore.

The spirit of the man once known as Albus Dumbledore looked up in surprise, a stunned look crossing his aged features as he considered the man before him. Clad in an amorphous black cloak, a ring on his finger and wand in hand, Harry Potter looked out of place in the ethereal world that was the limbo of Death.

Harry? asked Dumbledore concernedly. How are you here?

I’m not dead, Dumbledore, despite your best efforts in the past. I’m waiting for someone else, before I begin.

The question of who Harry was waiting for was answered when the sallow, greasy form of Severus Snape walked out of the aether. Potter, sneered the dead Potions Master. Just what I didn’t need. Why are you here?

Harry looked at the man coldly. Judgement.

Of us? You impertinent child—

Harry, what are you—

The Boy-Who-Lived smiled mockingly. You never realized, did you? Master of Death…  Harry held out the wand, letting it twist and writhe as itsshape altered, becoming a black-shafted scythe with a gleaming silver blade.

Dumbledore paled. Impossible… 

Did you think I wouldn’t find out, old man? Promising my mother to your pet Death-Eater, the falsified betrothal contracts with the Weasleys, trying to influence the Old Families with my late father’s money and lordship… 

Snape sneered. She was mine! Your bastard father took her from me!

You forget that I am the Lord of the Dead now, Snape. I know you’re lying. My mother was never yours.

Dumbledore spoke up, My boy, it was necessary for—

The safety of the world? Bending me to your whims? The greater good? The road to hell is paved with good intentions, Albus.

Harry smiled. And that’s where you’re going.

Red-hot flame roared and Harry smirked.

Kinsfire

Harry: If only Hermione wore the toga classically… 

Hermione: You just want to see my breasts.

Harry: I’m supposedly their god — shouldn’t I get SOME perks?

Hermione (blushing): You’d consider seeingthem a perk?

Daphne: Well, they do seem rather perky as is… 

Hermione: Hush, you… 

Lord of Bones

This is a half-assed idea suitable only for a oneshot, and whether it can even be described as a crack idea is debatable.

Remember the Horcrux scene where Ron sees Harry and Hermione kissing and Harry’s forced to snap him out of it? Here’s a divergence: the Horcrux exerts a sort of bodily paralysis over Harry and Ron, and forces them to watch as the whole scene plays out. Basically, they’re the unwilling spectators of a Horcrux-sponsored sex show, where Horcrux!Harry and Horcrux!Hermionedemonstrate the entire Kama Sutra in their quest for kinky nookie.

Hermione stumbles in later on, somehow gets paralyzed as well, and watches herself get fucked to high heaven by Harry. After they break out and Ron destroys the horcrux, it gets out that the Horcruxes were… um… life-sized.

Poor Ron (not!).

Here’s an ending I planned out for this:

Ron roared and impaled the Dark Lord’s soul vessel with the Sword of Gryffindor, destroying the accursed artifact with one blow. He fell to his knees, the feelings of disgust, envy and arousal warring within him as the situation replayed itself again and again in his mind.

Harry and Hermione doing… that. He shuddered with a mixture of all three of the aforementioned emotions. He knew that Hermione was pretty — even beautiful — but never in his wildest dreams did he imagine her looking so wanton… so sexual, as the Horcrux had demonstrated. He was fairly sure she wasn’t that flexible.

Then again, he never knew Harry was that well-endowed. Hermione’s (hisHermione!) eyes had been flicking from the apparition’s own endowment and Harry, her jaw slack.

The feeling of the sword leaving his hand caught up to him. He looked up to see Harry watching him with emotionless eyes, his lips a tight line. The Boy-Who-Lived turned his back on the redhead, stalking towards the young woman near him.

Ron gaped stupidly, watching Hermione’s face fixate on Harry’s groin with a look of awed lust on her face, her tongue darting out and licking herlips. He tried to block out the memory of those same lips wrapped around agroaning Harry’s… thing.

Hermione, for her part, looked up the minute Harry began coming her way. Her pupils dilated and her breath came out in quick pants as her nippleshardened with arousal. The look on Harry’s face was positively predatory.

And she was the prey.

Then he was in front of her. The Potter heir’s fingers tangled themselves in her wild curls as he jerked her head up to give her a hungry kiss. She reciprocated eagerly, her tongue battling his for dominance as her long legs wrapped around his lean waist. She whimpered into the kiss, her rock-hard nipples brushing against his chest. A surprised squeak escaped her whenHarry’s hand delved into her jumper, the long fingers playing with her full right breast. Finally, Harry broke the kiss, grinding his throbbing erection into her.

Ron simply watched the whole thing with horror. He began to feel slightly nauseous (and horny) when Hermione tugged up her jumper so that Harry could suckle her, while her hand cupped his groin. The last thing he saw before he keeled over was Hermione tugging open Harry’s jeans, proving that the Horcux really was life-sized.

When he came to the next morning, the first thing he noticed was Harry’s arm possessively looped over Hermione’s slim waist, while the witch herself was tucked under Harry’s chin, a look of feminine satisfaction on her face.

Lord of Bones

Somewhat strange.

Draco Malfoy, married man of exactly one week, grinned malevolently (though may would have said that he looked constipated.) The night of pickingup and screwing whores alongside Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott had gone well; he had sampled a delicious, Imperio-ed Muggle slut barely 15 years old.

What about the wives? asked Zabini suddenly.

What about them? sneered Draco. I’ve only touched Pansy once, and she was a cold fish in bed. Tight, but there was no damn resistance — not even a scream! Just that fucking contempous look!

Zabini and Nott agreed. Daphne needs to be taught a lesson in pleasuring her betters! hissed the Italian. We’re all in the same boat; we’ve only touched our wives once because they didn’t know how to please a man!

Of course, none of them knew that their de-virginized spouses cried themselves to sleep every night, the memories of their cold, almost-rape deflowering haunting their minds.

How about a swap? asked Nott.

A swap?

We trade wives and force them to pleasure us! We share Tracey, Daphneand Pansy!

Treat our playthings the way they should be? smiled the Malfoy scion, imagining gripping Tracey’s blonde hair in his hand as he forced hiscock into her mouth. Let’s get back to the Manor, then.

With the tell-tale ‘crack!’ of disapparation, the former Death-Eaters returned to Malfoy Manor… 

… and immediately felt that something was wrong.

It looked wrong.

The portraits, the busts, the assorted paraphernalia were gone.

What in the name of Belial?! snarled Draco, eyes wide.

Then they heard the long, drawn-out moan.

It was coming from the master bedroom.

As one, the three men charged up the stairs and yanked open the door.

Stupefy.

And they knew no more.

____________________________________________________________

Draco blinked as the memories came flooding back, remembering the plans, the mansion, and the moan—

The moan.

Draco’s eyes bulged out as he caught sight of what was transpiring on his bed.

Daphne Zabini had her head thrown back in obvious ecstasy, her raven tresses flowing down her shoulders. A dark-haired head was suckling at an ample, firm breast; a masculine hand was buried between her legs while mimicking thrusting motions. Tracey Nott’s blonde hair obscured her face as she peppered suckling kisses along the man’s neck and wirily muscled chest.

And slurping hungrily between the man’s legs was Pansy Malfoy.

Draco snarled. He had drilled obediance into the whore and he would not have her defy him, much less cheat on him!

Pansy, you little whore! he roared. Untie me this instant!

The former Parkinson flinched with fear and drew back from the massivecock she’d been worshipping, a strand of saliva still connecting the purple head to her red lips. She trembled, remembering the last time she’d defied her husband.

The man’s head drew back from Daphne’s breast, the erect pink nipple glistening in the dull light of the room. Green eyes flashed angrily.

Draco’s jaw dropped.

Potter.

Harry fucking Potter was carrying on an affair with his and his friends’ toys.

Daphne? Tracey? he asked quietly.

The two women nodded and quickly drew the Malfoy wife to them, soothing her with soft kisses and gentle caresses. He spared them a gentle look before turning on the Malfoy scion.

Hello Draco.

Potter, you’re going to pay for this! I’ll ruin you and that Mudblood wife of yours!

Lazily, Harry’s foot lashed out and slammed into the platinum blonde’sgut, bringing him to his knees. Actually, it’s the other way around, Draco. Remember the Third Law of Blood?

What about it?!

Think about it, Draco. I am the last living descendant of two ancient and powerful lineages and the conquerer of another; wronged by three lesser families. In accordance with that law, I own your properties. For some reason, you saw it fit to register your wives as ‘property.’ God, ferret, what the hell is wrong with you?

The Malfoy heir said nothing, but just glared at his school rival.

Of course, I won’t be claiming your wives as property.

Three heads shot up, looks of betrayal crossing their features.

I’ll be claiming them as my Consorts. You know what that means, don’tyou ferret?

Does your Mudblood know about this, Potter? hissed the fallen Malfoy, ignoring the looks of surprised elation on the women’s faces.

Changing the subject, Malfoy? Hermione knows what — and who — I’m doing, Draco. She’ll be here shortly; the Lady’s priveleges with the Consorts and all that. But for the time being… 

The Lord of Houses Black, Potter and Slytherin rejoined his lovers on the bed. He let Daphne and Tracey flank him as Pansy curled up on top of him, nuzzling his chest. He gently cupped the much-calmer Pansy’s face, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb. The newly-declared Consort of the Lord closed her eyes and leaned into his touch; her fellow Slytherins content to snuggle into their male lover’s sides.

Pansy? he asked softly.

Hmmm? murmured the short-haired beauty.

How do you want to deal with him? He hurt you, after all.

The dark-haired woman remained silent, before grasping Harry’s hand and bringing it to her right breast. As the Man-Who-Lived gently kneaded the milky orb and tugged on the dark nipple, Pansy turned her head to look at Draco.

Just so you know Draco, everytime you think of me, you’ll think of your schoolyard rival driving your ex-wife to cum her brains out-OH GOD! Harry’s mouth was now suckling her hungrily, his teeth grazing the nipple. Pansy struggled to continue as her lover’s hand delved between her legs. You’ll think of your ex-wife burying her face in your rival’s wife’s pussywhile he screws my brains out. But most of all, she smiled wistfully, you’ll think of him fathering my children.

Draco snarled and struggled against the magic holding him, watching Potter defile his wife with a mixture of fury and arousal. Pansy’s whimpers of pleasure as Potter slammed into her again and again had him in apoplecticrage, especially with the way Potter’s mouth would fuse to Pansy’s own every few seconds.

Damn, Malfoy! You and your twats had these in front of you and you never touched them?!

They’re cold fish, Potter! he hissed. Harry snickered, even as he bounced Pansy on his lap. Malfoy, for the past day, I’ve shagged Pansy, Tracey and Daphne all over your Manor. Trust me, they’re anything but cold fishes. He smirked at the red flushes the women were developing.

Then Draco heard a sultry feminine chuckle. Hermione Potter stepped out of the shadows, a terrycloth robe over her lightly tanned skin. A wave of her wand sent Draco back into the land of dreams.

Starting without me? she pouted, before moving to kiss her husband and slipping into bed beside a stunned Tracey, the robe still on. Enjoying my husband, Pansy? she asked archly.

The only reply she recieved was a wail of satisfaction. Hermione smirked, lazily running a finger along Tracey’s flank before cupping a pert breast, eliciting a surprised squeak from the blonde.

Daphne looked on enviously, feeling somewhat neglected. Hermione noticed.

Dear?

Ye-Yeah?

You’re neglecting someone.

Harry quirked an eyebrow, before catching the gaze of a pouting and neglected Daphne.

Hermione beat him to the punch.

Daphne, straddle Harry’s face. You won’t regret it.

Harry’s tongue delved deep into Daphne’s folds the instant the brunette straddled him, his fingers building a rhythm by rapidly finger-fucking her. He alternated his tongue stabs with suckling on her clit, nis nose brushing the carefully-trimmed dark curls around Daphne’s pussy.

Behind Daphne, Pansy wove her arms around the other woman, suckling the back of her neck while she tugged at Daphne’s nipples; while she bounced on Harry’s erect cock. The longer-haired woman mewled, her hands gripping Harry’s hair and urging him on. Next to the enthusiastic threesome, Tracey and Hermione were involved in a passionate 69.

What followed were the raunchiest bedroom antics in Britain. Daphne yowled and pledged her undying devotion and love to Harry as he blasted her with hot cum while savaging her upper chest with bites and kisses; Pansy shrieked as Hermione ate her out while Harry shagged a 69-ing-with-Daphne Tracey; Hermione giving her new bedmates practical lessons on how to best bringHarry off orally; Daphne turning the tables on Hermione and eating her outafter magically binding her while Harry fucked her from behind; and Traceyenthusiastically sucking Harry while Hermione, Daphne and Pansy coaxed andmassaged his shoulders.

Finally, after discharging his final load all over Pansy’s adoring face (and watching his lovers clean her with their mouths), Harry collapsed onthe bed. Immediately his wife and consorts curled up alongside (or on top of) him, peppering his face and shoulders with kisses and purring softly asthey snuggled into him.

… stud? asked Daphne.

Hmmm?

What about Blaise and Theo? And what about Draco? questioned Tracey.

Harry smiled and placed a hand on Daphne’s and Tracey’s abdomens, while pressing a kiss onto Pany’s sweat-flushed hair. Our babies are going to need target practice, y’know. The trio stared at him wide-eyed.

And what about our babies, Harry? asked Hermione quietly, a flash oninsecurity appearing in her gaze.

Harry smiled at her and pressed his lips to hers, reminding her that he loved her. There’re always Ron and Ginny.

===============!!!===================

Edited and beta’ed by M2J. Contains a few uses of the word ‘cunt’ but only in the sexual sense.

Draco Malfoy, married man of exactly one week, grinned malevolently (though many would have said that he looked constipated).

The night ofpicking up and screwing whores alongside Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott had gone well. He had sampled a delicious, Muggle slut, barely 15 years old,who had been helpless against his Imperious Curse.

What about the wives? asked Zabini suddenly.

What about them? sneered Draco. I’ve only fucked Pansy once, and she was pretty pathetic in bed. Tight, but there was no damn resistance — not even a scream! Just that fucking contemptuous look!

Blaise and Theo immediately nodded in agreement.

Daphne needs to be taught a lesson in pleasuring her betters! Italian manhissed in complaint, We’re all in the same boat, since we’ve all only fucked each of them once, having to resort to these easily controlled Muggle sluts for our nightly entertainment, all because they’re too pathetic to even know how to please a man!

Of course, none of them knew that theirrecently deflowered spouses cried themselves to sleep every night, with the memories of their cold, almost-rape defilement haunting their minds.

How about a swap? Theo suggested with a raised eyebrow. Despite his opinions perfectly matching that of his cohorts, he was much more calm and collected than they were. However, his calm demeanor only extended to the general public, as poor Tracey could attest to, since her treatment was no better than how Draco treated Pansy or Blaise treated Daphne.

A swap?"asked Blaise skeptically.

We trade wives and force them to pleasure us! We each take a turn with Tracey, Daphne and Pansy. Theo explained.

Treat our playthings the way they should be, smirked the Malfoy scion as imagined gripping Tracey’s blonde hair in his hand as he forced his cock into her mouth or perhaps having Daphne bent over one of the couches buggering her from behind. Let’s get back to the Manor, then.

One look at the Malfoy heir and you would have thought the entire plan was his own idea and not one thought up by his childhood friend.

With the tell-tale ‘crack!’ of Apparation, the former Death-Eaters returned to Malfoy Manor… 

… and immediately felt that something was wrong.

Theyimmediately couldn’t tell, but it looked wrong. Something was off… 

It didn’t take Draco long to figure out what that something was.

The portraits, the busts, the assorted paraphernalia were gone. Not a singlesolitary trace was left.

What in the name of… ?! snarled Draco, eyes wide.

Then they heard the long, drawn-out moan. It was followedby another one and a few lesser ones and they seemed to be coming from themaster bedroom.

As one, the three men charged up the stairs and burst open the door when… 

Stupefy!

They barely even registered seeing the flashing red light as they knew no more, slumping into blissful unconsciousness.

--------------------------------------------—

When Draco came to, he not only found himself more than slightly disoriented, but he had also been tied up so he could not move from his current spot on the floor. Draco shook his head to clear it as he tried to figure out what was going on.

Draco blinked as the memories came flooding back, remembering the plans for his wife and those of his friends, coming back to the mansion- only to find it ransacked, and the moan… 

The moan.

Draco’s eyes bulged out as he caught sight of what was transpiring on HIS bed.

Daphne Zabini had her head thrown back in obvious ecstasy, her long raven tresses flowing down her shoulders. A dark-haired head was suckling at an ample, firm breast; a masculine hand was buried between her legs while mimicking thrusting motions. Motions she was all to eagerly reciprocating.

Tracey Nott’s blonde hair obscured her face asshe peppered suckling kisses along the man’s neck and heavily toned chest.She too had the man’s fingers buried in her own crotch as her hands moved up and down his body as if trying to memorize every detail.

And slurping hungrily between the man’s legs was Pansy Malfoy. She was eagerly sucking on the mysterious stranger’s manhood with all of her effort, making up for what she lacked in experience with enthusiasm. Her hand moved in tandemwith her head as it bobbed up and down on the stranger’s meaty shaft, evenif she could barely wrap her hand around it.

Draco snarled as many emotions came to the forefront. Rage, jealousy and many others he could notidentify. He had drilled obediance into the whore and he would not have her defy him, much less cheat on him!

Pansy, you little whore! he roared. Untie me this instant!

The Lady Malfoy, nee Parkinson, flinched with fear and drew back from the massive cock she’d been worshipping, astrand of saliva still connecting the purple head to her red lips. She trembled, remembering the last time she had defied her husband.

The man’s head drew back from Daphne’s breast, the erect pink nipple glistening inthe dull light of the room. His green eyes flashed angrily as he glared atthe Malfoy scion.

Draco’s jaw dropped as he stared back into those familiar green eyes that promised pain and retribution. The eyes of his nemesis, his most hated enemy. The emerald eyes of… 

Potter.

Harry Fucking Potter was carrying on an affair with not only his own personaltoy, but the toys of his friends as well.

Daphne? Tracey? Harry asked quietly. He didn’t bother looking at them, nor did he say anymore to them. However, it seemed as if they caught the hidden, unspoken, message.

The two women nodded and quickly drew the Malfoy wife to them, soothing her with soft kisses and gentle caresses. He spared them a gentle look before turning on the Malfoy scion.

Hello, Draco, Harry couldn’t help the smirk that suddenly spread across his face.

Potter, you’re going to pay for this! I’ll ruin you and that Mudblood Whore of yours!

Actually…  Harry stood and walked towards Draco, not even bothering toshow decency and cover himself. Lazily, Harry’s foot lashed out and slammed into the platinum blonde’s gut, causing him to double over in pain. It’sthe other way around, Draco. Remember the Third Law of Blood?

W-What about it?! Draco snapped, gasping for air. He looked to his compatriots to see if they could back him up anytime soon, but they were still sprawled out on the floor, unconsious, and tied up just like he was, in the doorway of the Master Bedroom.

Think about it, Draco. I am the last living descendant of not one, but two ancient and noble lineages and the conquerer of a third, wronged by three lesser families. In accordance with that law, I own your properties, Harry explained it to him as if he had been talking to a small child, And for some reason…  Each of you saw fit to register your wives as ‘property’. Merlin, ferret, what the hell is wrong with you!?

The Malfoy heir said nothing, but just glared at his school rival.

Of course…  He glanced at the three women on the bed. Pansy had finally calmed down from her near panic attack as Tracy and Daphne eachcooed words of comfort to her, I won’t be claiming your wives as property.

Three heads shot up simultaneously, each had looks of betrayal crossing their features.

I’ll be claiming them as my Consorts, Harryclarified, much to their relief. Harry then turned back to Draco and smirked, You DO know what that means, don’t you, ferret? He couldn’t keep the tauntingly teasing tone from his voice.

Does your Mudblood know about this, Scarhead? hissed the fallen Malfoy, ignoring the looks of surprised elation on the women’s faces.

Changing the subject, Malfoy? Harry asked coyly before answering, Yes, Draco, Hermione knows what — and who — I’m doing. In fact, she’ll be here shortly; the Lady’s privelegeswith the Consorts and all that. But…  For the time being… 

The Lord of Houses Black, Potter and Slytherin rejoined his newly gained lovers on the bed.

He let Daphne and Tracey flank him as Pansy curled up ontop of him, nuzzling his chest. He gently cupped the much-calmer Pansy’s face, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb. The newly-declared Consort of the Lord closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. Her fellow femaleSlytherin alumnus counterparts were content to snuggle into their male lover’s sides.

Pansy, dear? he asked softly.

Hmmm? murmured the short-haired beauty.

How do you want to deal with him? He did hurt you, after all. He lazily motion towards the Malfoy heir with his hand.

The dark-haired woman remained silent, before grasping Harry’s hand and bringing it to her right breast. As the Man-Who-Lived gently kneaded the milky orb and tugged on the dark nipple, Pansy turned her head to look at Draco.

Just so you know Draco, everytime you think of me, you’ll be thinking of your schoolyard rival making your EX-wife cum her brains out- OH HARRY! Harry’s mouth was now suckling her hungrily, his teeth grazing the nipple.

Pansy struggled to continue as her lover’s hand delved between her legs. You’ll think of your EX-wife burying her face into his- UH, MMM!- ‘mudblood’ wife’s pussy while HE screws M-MY brains out… 

Pansy’s breath was becoming more shallow and labored as she struggled to focus on Harry’s ministrations, even as she looked back atDraco, her eyes seductively half-lidded as she writhed in ecstasy in Harry’s lap as his fingers were expertly working inside of her.

B-But most of all…  she smiled wistfully had she repositioned her hips slightly to line up her inviting snatch to Harry’s manhood, You’ll think of HIM fathering MY children. AH! OH MY… !

Draco snarled and struggled against the ropes magically binding him, watching Potter defile his wife with a mixture of fury and arousal. Pansy’s whimpers and wails of pleasure as Potter slammed into her again and again had him in apoplectic rage, especially with the way Potter’s mouth would fuse to Pansy’s own every few seconds.

Damn, Malfoy! You morons had these beauties in front ofyou this whole time and you’ve barely even touched them?! Harry managed to ask in astonishment, his own breath was labored as he thrust up into Pansy’s moist and very tight cunt. Both Tracy and Daphne were completely transfixed by the entire scene as they each rubbed their own neglected openings and teased their luscious breasts as Harry and Pansy continued their coupling, whilst listening intently to Harry and Malfoy’s conversation.

Whatever, Scarhead! They’re nothing but cold fish, barely even worth shagging! Draco shouted, despite the fact that Pansy was moving and writhing for his arch-nemesis in ways she never had for him, despite the fact that she was demonstrating levels of passion he had never even thought she was possible of even reaching on her best nights. Pansy’s own pleasured whimpers and wails were punctuated with Daphne and Tracy’s lesser ones as the were writhing next to Potter as they got themselves off.

Harry snickered, even as he bounced Pansy on his lap, his hands firmly gripping her nicely rounded ass, Malfoy…  For the past day, I’ve shagged…  ALL three of these gorgeous women all over your ENTIRE Manor. Trust me…  They’re anything but cold fishes. He smirked at the red flushes the women were developing. Especially on Pansy, as her pale skin was already flushed with the efforts and arousal of their love making.

Suddenly Draco heard a sultry feminine chuckle.

He turned his head as he saw the ever graceful and stunning figure of Hermione Potter as she stepped out of the shadows, a terrycloth robe barely concealing her lightly tanned skin. The magnificent view was short lived as a wave of her wand sent Draco back into the land of dreams.

Starting without me? she pouted playfully, before moving to kiss her husband and slipping into bed beside a stunned Tracey, the robe still on. Tracy had stopped pleasuring herself in her shock.

Enjoying my husband, Pansy? Hermione asked sternly, however, her playful smirked belied any of the hostility in her tone.

The only reply Hermione received was awail of satisfaction and a slight nod as the short-haired pureblooded debutante never broke the vigorous rhythm set by herself and the muggleborn witches’ husband.

Hermione smirked, lazily running a finger along Tracey’s flank before cupping a pert breast, eliciting a surprised squeak from the blonde.

Daphne looked on enviously, feeling somewhat neglected, which Hermione surely noticed.

Dear?

Ye-Yeah?

You’re neglecting someone.

Harry quirked an eyebrow, before catching the gaze of a pouting and neglected Daphne.

Hermione beat him to the punch.

Daphne, straddle Harry’s face. You won’t regret it. Hermioneordered with a grin, has she experimentally ran her fingers through Tracy’s slickening folds.

Harry’s tongue delved deep into Daphne’s moistened center the instant the brunette straddled him, his fingers building a rhythm by rapidly finger-fucking her. He alternated his tongue stabs with suckling on her clit, his nose brushing the carefully-trimmed dark curls around Daphne’s pussy.

Behind Daphne, Pansy wove her arms around the other woman, suckling the back of her neck as she tugged at Daphne’s nipples, while bouncing on Harry’s erect cock. The longer-haired woman mewled, her hands gripping Harry’s hair and urging him on.

Next to the enthusiastic threesome, Tracy and Hermione were involved in a passionate ‘69’. Both women seemed to be in competition to see who could bring off who the fastest.Both were simpering and moaning as they vigorously licked and fingered each other’s slits, sucking down on the other woman’s clit, slightly nibbling on them, alternating and changing their technique based on the impassioned cries of her partner.

What followed were some of the raunchiest bedroom antics in Britain.

Daphne howled and pledged her undying devotion and love to Harry as he blasted her womb with hot cum while savaging her upper chest with bites and kisses. While Daphne was being impaled by Harry’s thick meat, Pansy had begun helping Tracy bring off Hermione, as the muggleborn witch continued on sucking and licking Tracy while sticking two fingers deep into Pansy’s cum filled twat.

Pansy shrieked as Hermione ate her out. It almost as if she was trying to lick out Harry’s cum out of the pureblooded witches’ cunt. Meanwhile, Daphne and Tracy had moved into the‘69’ position, with Daphne on bottom. The long haired buxom brunette licked the blonde’s slippery folds as Harry rammed his package as deep and as hard into Tracy’s quim as he could. He reveled in the simultaneous sensationsof Tracy’s tight opening pulling on his cock as Daphne’s tongue licked up and down his length while he pounded into her friend.

Hermione then began giving her new bedmates practical lessons on how to best bring Harry off orally. Soon it became a competition on who could actually bring him off with only their mouths. Harry smiled as the girls were fighting over who got to suck him off, each barely able to wait her turn. However, given her experience, it was a competition Hermione quickly won.

However, not only to the victor went the spoils.

Hermione pulled Daphne into a passionate kiss, transferring some of Harry’s seed into the long haired brunette’s mouth. Deciding against keeping it all to herself, Daphne then began to kiss Pansy passionately as Hermione pulled Tracy in for a kiss.

Hermione then began licking and teasing all over Daphne’s body. However, Daphne turned the tables on Hermione quickly, placing her in a partial body bind. The brunette debutante the turned Hermione on her back as she then gently spread the Muggleborn’s legs and began to enthusiastically eat her out. She yelped in surprise as Harry began pumping into her from behind. Whilst this was going on, Pansy released Hermione’s mouth from the bind and moved her quim over the bushy haired woman’s mouth. An act Hermione was more thanwilling to indulge in. Tracy was clutching a warm vibrating wand inside her own slippery folds as she moved next to Harry. After every third thrust into Daphne, he would pull out of the brunette’s pussy completely, much to her chagrin, and allow Tracy to take him into her mouth. Once Tracy sufficiently cleaned Daphne’s love juices off of Harry’s shaft, the raven haired wizard would then slam his cock back into the girl who was on all fours, licking and teasing his wife’s sensitive pussy.

It wasn’t long before Tracey was enthusiastically sucking Harry off while Hermione (who had been released from the partial body bind), Daphne and Pansy coaxed and massaged his shoulders, while play and teasing each other’s breasts, rubbing them all over Harry.

Finally, after discharging his final load all over Pansy’s adoring face and supple breasts, which was quickly cleaned off by his lovers with their mouths, Harry collapsed on the bed. Immediately his wife and consorts curled up alongside (or on top of) him, peppering his face and shoulders with kisses and purring softly as they snuggled into him.

… stud? asked Daphne in a tired, yet content, voice the was reminiscent of a purr.

Hmmm? Harry replied. He was exhausted to the point that,that was about the only type of answer they were going to get from him.

What about…  Them…  Blaise, Draco and Theo? questioned Tracy a bitnervously. Harry glanced at the worried faces of his three beautiful consorts.

Harry smiled and placed a hand on Daphne’s and Tracey’s abdomens, while pressing a kiss onto Pany’s sweat-flushed hair. Our babies are going to need target practice, y’know.

The trio stared at him wide-eyed. All of their insecurities faded away as they knew he was going to keep his promise and take care of them and all of their future children.

And…  And…  What about OUR babies, Harry? asked Hermione quietly, a flash on insecurity appearing in her gaze. Each of the other three feltflashes of sympathy for their new lover’s wife, as they too, had similar fears only moments before. However, they new her fears were unfounded as while Harry cared deeply for all of them, he loved his wife more than anythingelse in the world which, according to pureblood tradition, was how it should be. It was an easy fact for them to accept as she was the wife and they were the consorts and her station was above theirs.

Harry smiled at her and pressed his lips to hers, reminding her that he loved her still.

Well…  There’s always Ron.

Lord of Bones

Y’know all those ‘Harry is raised by someone kickass far away from Britain and becomes someone equally kickass’ stories? They always seem to haveHarry willingly help the Order deal with Voldie or else have him make demands like ‘let me into the Order’, ‘let me work alone’, and things like that.
So what about a kickass!Harry with the wants and needs of a healthy seventeen-year old heterosexual boy?

Albus Dumbledore examined the brash-looking young man in front of him uneasily. Harry James Potter was not what he had expected; but with his upbringing, it was not surprising. It had taken him seventeen years to find the boy, and now that he was here, Dumbledore had no idea how to treat him.

The boy was wearing a battlerobe favored by wizard-assassins, Dumbledore noted uneasily. He had a somewhat lazy smirk on his face; coupled with an almost predatory grace in his movements, Harry gave the impression of a relaxed panther. The long wand the young man was lazily twirling in one handwasn’t helping matters.

If you’re trying to prove that you don’t have pedophiliac tendencies,you’re failing miserably, said Harry, his voice a lethargic drawl.

Dumbledore flushed at the comment. Mr. Potter, I understand that you’re looking for a job? he asked hurriedly.

Does it involve blowing shit up, crazy adventures, psychopathic cultists, copius bloodshed and dangerously powerful magic?

… In a way, yes.

Sign me up.

Dumbledore smiled at that. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad, after all."Now Mr. Potter, as you know, you are the Boy-Who-Lived—

I’m not fighting for free, thank you very much, replied Harry.

But Mr. Potter—

Voldemort’s offering me 250,000 galleons if I help him. Top that.

You cannot possibly think of accepting!

Watch me.

Dumbledore sagged in his seat. What are your demands, Mr. Potter?

Harry shrugged. Money, of course. I’m a mercenary. 500,000 galleons up front and 500,000 galleons after I do the deed, with 10,000 galleons for every Death-Eater I kill.

Dumbledore balked, then nodded. Done.

And pocky.

… Excuse me?

You heard me. Pocky. The food of the gods. A year’s supply, in addition to the money.

Dumbledore blinked. That’s reasonable enough, I suppose.

And a fully-equipped bedroom.

I beg your pardon?

A bedroom, said Harry patiently. I can’t very well bring girls to your office if I want to have sex, can I?

Mr. Potter! roared the outraged Headmaster. I will not turn this school into a brothel!

Harry stared at him blankly. What the hell are you talking about? I’ma seventeen-year old teenager with needs and standards. I’m not going to be banging just any women.

Excuse me?!

I mean, that tasty-looking bookworm with the tight arse just copped afeel while I was on my way here. That hot brunette with the long legs slipped a cheesecake photo of herself into my pocket and that cute redhead withthe knockers ‘accidentally’ fell front-first into my lap. If those aren’t propositions, I don’t know what are.

Dumbledore shook his head in defeat. Alright, Mr. Potter. The room will be made ready by tonight.

Harry stood up. Pleasure doing business with you then. You know whereto find me. he tossed back as he left the room, leaving the old Headmaster to his thoughts.

A few days later… 

Harry collapsed back onto the bed as he roared out his orgasm, spilling deep into the screaming witch straddling him. She followed suit, collapsing on his chest and purring in content. He felt two pairs of lips nip at either side of his neck, drawing their owners closer to him.

He pressed a kiss to the brown curls of the young woman lying on top of him, his hands stroking the sides of his other two lovers. Do you think anyone realized that you were my girls before Dumbledore hired me?

As one, Hermione, Daphne and Susan answered; Nope.

KafkaExMachina

Well, um…  yeah. So, uh…  yeah. I’ll just post the thing.

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

A/N: Dunno… another fic just bouncing around. It takes place after GoF, but in 2004 instead of 1994 in order to keep the joke in the correct timeframe.

…

Vernon Dursley sat on the barstool, his elephantine arse hanging over both edges, nursing his lager and bitching about his no-good, worthless, lazy freak of a nephew.

I’m telling you, he belched out angrily at he bartender, the boy doesn’t appreciate all me ‘n Pet have done for him. Instead, he always whines about his chores and tries to lay about the house all day. This summer’s the worst! Ever since he left those freaky friends of his behind, it’s mope mope mope!

I can help you with that, a man murmured to Vernon. Vernon turned to face the voice. The man was of average height, but he had a solid build and looked like an old veteran.

Oh? Vernon asked.

The man nodded. Captain Creevey, at your service. I run a little camp for troublesome teens like your nephew.

Vernon leaned forward, intrigued. Really?

Yeah. You see, kids like your nephew, they don’t know what the real world is like, The man explained. Frankly, they’d rather act like a bunch of freaks and weirdoes than appreciate what hard-working folks like you and I. Call themselves ‘Emo’.

Vernon grinned. Yeah, that about sums up the boy. So, what can you do?

The man grinned back. Well, my camp teaches them the value of hard work, teaches them to appreciate all the things that parents like you do for them. We don’t let them lie around and listen to their ‘music.’ Instead, we train them to be responsible adults.

Vernon raised his eyebrows. Yeah? Well, I’ve certainly tried, but the boy won’t change!

Well, the man said while leaning in conspiratorially, that’s where we come in. A lot of parents these days don’t know how to deal with problem children. We do. In fact, if the kid is bad enough, we’ll even put him down.

Vernon’s eyes grew wide. Really? You can do that? I mean, legally?

The man laughed, shaking his head at Vernon’s lack of parenting skills. Of course it is. Look, I’ve got the paperwork in my brief here. If you’ll just sign these forms, I’ll take the brat off of your hands and have him shaped up in no time.

Vernon’s eyes narrowed. Just how much will this cost?

Absolutely nothing, the man replied with a fierce smile. The boy pays for himself, or he doesn’t eat. Just like you and me.

Vernon grinned. No matter what, this sounded like a win-win situation. Where do I sign? He asked happily.

…

About a week into his summer ‘vacation,’ Harry awoke to hear his uncle’s furious pounding on his door.

Boy! Get up and get your things packed! Vernon bellowed.

Harry groaned, but dutifully packed his things into his trunk. He glanced outside the window, and groaned again when he noticed it wasn’t even light out. Just as he’d finished dressing and throwing the last of his things into the trunk, Vernon flung open the door and grabbed Harry by the scruff of his neck.

Listen to me, Boy! Vernon said happily. I’ve found somebody who’s going to beat the freak right out of you. In fact, if you aren’t good enough, he’ll fucking kill you! Best part is, Vernon said, almost jiggling in glee, it’s perfectly legal so your freak friends can’t do a damn thing!

Harry paled as Vernon man-handled him towards the door, only pausing to let him grab his trunk. Without a goodbye, Vernon shoved Harry out the front door and slammed it behind him. Harry saw a beat-up truck sitting in the Dursley driveway, with a muscular man leaning against the door.

Harry Potter? The man barked out.

Harry nodded.

Toss your things in the back and get in the truck! The man ordered. Harry nervously complied. The man looked at Hedwig. That bird legal? The man asked.

Mutely, Harry nodded.

The man shrugged. Fine, it’ll ride in the cab with us. Now listen up and listen good! You think you have it rough here? Well it’s time for a wake-up call! You don’t know what hard work is! He looked at Harry’s shabby clothing. God damn! Look at you! Wearing those rags instead of the clothing your aunt and uncle spend their hard earned dollars for!

Harry opened his mouth to explain, but the man wasn’t hearing it. I don’t want to hear your reasons, or your excuses. They don’t matter! He gestured to the truck, and Harry clambered in, more than a little worried. The man got in the drivers seat and pulled out of the drive. You may think you have a hard life, Harry, but you don’t know what the real world’s about. That’s what Camp Creevey is going to teach you.

Harry leaned his head against the window and watched the houses pass by, tuning out the man’s rant like he’d tuned out uncle Vernon.

‘Should have known Uncle Vernon would find a way to make my already miserable summer worse,’ he thought sadly. ‘Maybe he’ll do what Voldemort couldn’t, and they’ll kill me. Not like my ‘friends’ care. Haven’t written a word.’

Back at #4 Privet Drive, Mundungus slept in the bushes, cradling his bottle of spirits.

…

Captain James Creevey didn’t think of himself as a hard man, rather he thought himself as a man with a mission. Ever since his eldest daughter intentionally overdosed on Heroin, he dedicated his life towards saving other children, and their parents, from the same mistakes he’d made. So, Camp Creevey came into existence. You see, James would say, it’s not that they are bad kids, per se, just that they’ve got bad parents. These kids just need a dose of the real world, and some pride in something real. That’s what I do. I show them the real world, before they are actually adults. It lets them learn a little pride, a little independence. Sure, they might not stop wearing mascara, but hopefully they’ll avoid the road my precious Clara walked down.

In order to accomplish his mission, he had a full staff. First and foremost, there was Bill. Bill was an old NCO from Creevey’s outfit, and he provided the stern father-figure that most of these kids never knew. Next, there was Doctor Jennessa, a licensed clinical psychologist as well as pediatric general practitioner. She provided both the long-term medical care (for those kids suffering from withdraw) as well as psychological evaluation and therapy. The rest of the staff rotated between volunteers who’d suffered the same tragedies as James, as well as a few ‘graduates’ who helped smooth the inevitable generation gaps.

Sure, sometimes they had to be a bit meaner to the kids than their parents ever were, but that’s the real world. A lot of those Emo kids never faced honest criticism, and frankly it did them a world of good.

…

Bill stopped the truck in front of an old lodge. Well, here we are. Welcome to your new home. He got out of the truck, and gestured for Harry to follow. Harry climbed out after him. Bill walked towards the lodge, and Harry dutifully followed while staring at his trainers. After opening the door, Bill barked follow me, and led Harry into a large-ish common room.

Bill grinned. Well, Mr. Potter, here’s how it works. First, we’re going to go through your things, and make sure you don’t have any drugs in there. Harry paled. Bill grinned. Thought so. Well, hope you like withdraw, boy, because you aren’t getting any fixes here! Bill barked out a single laugh before pointing at a list on the board. You see this? This is the list of jobs around the camp. If you don’t work, you don’t eat! We don’t send you to your room, or take away your TV here! Instead, you are going to be an adult, and like an adult you have to work for your stay. Now, mess is at 0900, so if you want to eat, you better get working before then!

Harry glumly walked over to the list of jobs. He swallowed a bit at the length, then set his shoulders and gritted his teeth. It was bad, yes, maybe even worse than the Dursleys, but he wasn’t going to let some slave-driving muggles kill him. That would just be spitting on Cedric’s memory.

A few moments later, Harry stalked out of the lodge and prepared to complete his list of chores.

‘Who knows,’ he thought wryly, ‘maybe I’ll even get to eat twice a day this summer. I just hope the Ministry doesn’t crawl up my arse over the fact that muggles are going to see my school stuff…’

…

Wiping the sweat off of his brow, Harry looked at the clock in the tool shed. Eight o’ clock, time to start cooking breakfast. He shrugged and headed off towards the lodge, where the kitchens and communal mess was located. He’d made a healthy headway into the grounds keeping, and he’d probably finish it off some time around noon, and then he’d get to repainting the fences.

Harry shook his head sadly. It really wasn’t that much of a change from the Dursleys, except there wasn’t a fat arsehat around to make his life that much worse.

Harry finished the cooking and setting out the food around 8:55, before anybody’d shown up. He thought about grabbing some bangers and mash, but stopped when Vernon’s words came unbidden into his mind.

…if you aren’t good enough, he’ll fucking kill you!

‘Best not tempt fate,’ Harry thought ruefully as he looked hungrily at the food. ‘Oh well, not like I’m not used to being hungry over the summer.’

With one last longing look at the huge spread Harry’d cooked up, he left the lodge and trudged his way back to the tool shed, intent on finishing up the job. ‘After all, if I get enough jobs done, maybe I can get some dinner.’

…

Bill walked into the lodge, missing Harry by about 5 minutes. As usual, he was the first person there. Unlike usual, there was one HELL of a feast ready for him, and the rest of the kids in the camp.

Wha? Bill said, stunned. He walked into the kitchens, looking for the chief. The kitchen was empty, but cleaned and organized. Spotless, even. Bill shook his head in disbelief. There was something up with the new kid, and he wasn’t sure he liked it. He decided to let matters lie until his could talk with the Doc.

A few minutes later, Jenessa walked into the mess, followed by a few of the other kids. They all ogled at the spread. Jenessa cocked a single eyebrow at Bill, who shrugged helplessly. Grabbing a cup of coffee, Jenessa sat at the table across from Bill and began her interrogation.

So, she asked, what’s with the four-star breakfast? Feeling a bit ambitious?

Bill shook his head and slurped down some more coffee. Hardly. I got here around 0900, and the food was already out. Kitchen’s spotless, though, he added.

Jenessa’s brow furrowed a bit. So who do you think cooked all this?

New kid, Bill grunted. Jenessa looked around the room.

Okay, and where is the new kid? She asked.

Bill looked at her helplessly. Dunno. Wasn’t here when I got here. Something’s not right with him, not like these other reprobates. He smiled, taking the insult out of his words. The kids pretty much ignored him in favor of the food.

How so? Jenessa asked.

Well, for starters… I went through his trunk. He’s… Bill leaned in closer, lowering his voice. He’s like the Captain’s kids.

Jenessa blinked. Really? She asked softly.

Bill nodded. Yeah, but that’s not all. So, when I pick him up, he’s wearing rags that even the rest of these kids wouldn’t touch. Figured it was some new fashion thing, read him the riot act, you know. Jenessa nodded. Thing is… he didn’t HAVE any other clothes. And he’s a right scrawny twig, to boot. I figured him for an Annie… but now… Bill trailed off helplessly.

Jenessa frowned. So, what are you going to do.

Right now? I think I’m just going to watch him, and see how things go. Bill glowered. I don’t like this, not one bit. I’ll drag the boy into your office around three.

Jenessa shook her head helplessly. No can do, Bill. I’m full up. Maybe tomorrow after seven?

Bill nodded. Alright, I’ll make sure you get to see him. I’ll keep an ear open for the kids’ opinions as well. I’m telling you, though, something’s not right here. Kid doesn’t own anything but his school supplies. Not one game, CD, nothing.

Jenessa smiled at Bill. Let’s just wait and see, shall we? Maybe his Aunt and Uncle already took his stuff.

Bill frowned, but accepted her logic.

…

Bill frowned. Lunch was the same as breakfast, no Harry in sight. Grumbling, Bill lurched out of his chair and stalked out of the lodge. He found Harry calmly applying a layer of fresh stain on the fence.

Harry Potter! Bill bellowed. Harry froze. Put down that damn brush and get your scrawny Annie arse in the lodge.

Harry carefully wiped the stain off of the brush, rinsed it clean, and closed the lid on the can before following Bill into the mess. Bill pulled out a chair. Sit. Harry sat. Eat.

Harry looked up at Bill for the first time, trying to make sure he’d heard right. Bill glowered and pointed at the plate in front of Harry. I said eat.

Harry carefully made himself a small sandwich. Bill scowled, and shoveled about twice as much food onto Harry’s plate.

Eat. He commanded.

Harry couldn’t resist. His face broke into a wide smile, and he hungrily scarfed down everything on his plate. He even got seconds.

Bill relaxed some, glad to see that the boy wasn’t anorexic. They were some of the hardest nuts to crack.

Harry didn’t want to press his luck, though, and as soon as he finished off his second plate of food he quickly washed his dishes and dashed out of the lodge to finish his next job.

Bill shook his head slowly, trying to wrap his mind around Harry’s odd behavior. Shrugging, he ate his sandwich, giving up understanding the vagaries of the teenage mind for one more night. ‘Maybe the kid’s will explain things,’ he thought ruefully.

…

After Bill ambushed Harry before he could flee dinner, and ordered the kid to eat like a normal teenager, Bill asked Harry just what the Hell he was doing.

Harry blinked. My jobs, he replied cautiously, not wanting to anger a man who had legal right to kill him.

Bill shook his head. So, basically you are telling me that from the time you arrived, minus the two meals I had to badger you into eating, you’ve worked non-stop? Bill could believe it. The grounds were in better shape than they’d been in years, the fence had a new coat of stain, the landscaping was completed, and the old hand-pump was rust-free and shining like new.

Harry nodded.

That’s… shit. I mean… fuck… Bill said in disbelief.

Harry cringed, his face paling.

Bill shook his head, trying to figure the boy out. …fuck it. He said, finally. He wasn’t equipped to handle this right now, this was more up the Doc’s alley. Alright, time to show you to your new bedroom. He lurched to his feet, and gestured for Harry to follow. Harry looked down at the dirty dishes, reaching for them.

The HELL YOU WILL! Bill bellowed. Harry snatched his hands back from the plates like they were on fire while the rest of the kids just stared. Bill glowered at them. Seeing as none of you lugs made any of this food, I expect this room will be spotless after we leave, right? The kids were silent. RIGHT?

Hurried mumbles of affirmation smoothed Bill’s nerves. Good. Harry, come with me. They walked a ways, until they came to a largish building. Bill opened the door and Harry followed after him. Finally, after passing a number of rooms with name tags, posters, sharpies, and horrible hand-drawn artwork on them, Bill stopped in front of a plain door. Here you go. I’ve already put your trunk in there. Look, kid… did your folks already take your stuff?

Harry blinked. Um… no? I don’t think so, why?

Why don’t you take a look, okay? Bill said gently.

Harry shrugged and walked into the room. It wasn’t much bigger than his room at the Dursleys, but the bed looked a lot more inviting and he could feel the central air keeping it cool. He popped open his trunk and rooted through his things. Harry could feel Bill’s eyes on his back. After going through all of it, Harry stopped, closed the lid, and turned back to Bill.

Nothings missing, Harry said slowly, a bit worried that none of his school supplies were missing either.

Bill looked at the kid for a second before he figured out one of the things bothering the boy. Oh… right… your school stuff. Bill coughed. Well, you see… the guy who started this camp, Captain Creevey… he’s got a pair of boys… who go to the same school…

Harry’s face lit up in recognition. Oh, you mean Dennis and Collin?

Bill nodded. Yeah. So you don’t have to worry about… um… the Ministry… or anything, so long as you… uh… don’t use your wand. Bill shuffled a bit. The whole magic thing was still way out of his league.

Harry let out the breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. Well, alright then. So I can do my homework here, no worries?

Bill nodded. Yeah. So, nothing’s missing, huh? Harry shook his head. Bill frowned. He had a very bad feeling about things, but he wasn’t quite ready to face them. Alright then. Bill walked into the room, and pulled out one of the drawers. He gestured for Harry to take a look inside. Harry looked, and then lurched back, face flaming with embarrassment. Inside the dresser was a box of rubbers, economy sized and unopened. Bill gave Harry a feral grin. Here at Camp Creevey, you are an adult. That means that just like an adult you have certain freedoms that go along with your responsibilities. Frankly, most Emo kids are already humping like rabbits, and we aren’t interested in wasting the time stopping you. What we are interested in is making sure you are responsible and safe. That means wearing a jimmy hat before getting your dick wet, got it?

Harry kept blushing, waving his hands in denial. Bill laughed. Save it, kid. I know how it is, and frankly when I was your age I was humping any willing female I could. Note, I said willing. If I find out you even made a vague hint towards forcing or pressuring anybody… Bill trailed off threateningly. Harry shook his head, appalled. Bill relaxed. Good. Now that we’re done with the embarrassing stuff, let me show you to the common room and then you can meet your fellow camp-mates.

Shrugging, Harry followed Bill into the common room and plopped down on one of the couches. He didn’t really care about making friends, or even talking to anybody, but even facing the prospect of dealing with other people Harry couldn’t help but think about how much better this summer was turning out to be.

…

Gavin wasn’t like the other Emo kids. He didn’t grow up in a well-to-do household where the hardest thing in life was worrying about his parents refusing to buy the latest My Chemical Romance CD. No, he grew up in a single-mother household on the prole, his father having been sent to the gaol for drug and gun running. Gavin had a hard life, and a reason for his depression, and that made him a god amongst worms in the Emo crowd.

Gavin was, for reasons known only to those who understand the obscure rules of teenage popularity, ignoring the new kid while bitching and moaning about his life. He basked in the fawning adoration of Raven, Cat (short for Katrina), Kitty, Cat (short for Catherine), Cat (her name was Elizabeth, but…), and Susan.

Finally, Harry had heard enough. Shut up. He growled, tired of the endless whining and horrible poetry.

Gavin blinked. What?

I said shut. The. Fuck. UP! Harry spat, his migraine making his temper fray.

What do you know? Gavin scream/whined at Harry. You don’t have any idea what a hard life is really like!

Harry growled, spinning towards the glitter-bedecked twit. He pinned Gavin to the couch with the intensity in his green eyes. I don’t have any idea what a hard life is like? Harry asked mockingly. Really? How about we play a quick game of ‘who does god shit on more’. Go ahead, I’ll let you go first.

Gavin smiled. He’d played this game before, lots of times before, and he always won. Alright, fine. My father’s in jail, my mother can’t get a job, and for the first ten years of my life we often had to skip a meal because we couldn’t afford food. My best friend OD’d a few weeks back, and is still in the hospital, and my girlfriend got arrested for dealing. So unless you know what real pain is, I suggest you just shut the fuck up and deal! He could just feel Cat, or Cat’s panties loosening. There was definitely a sympathy fuck coming his way tonight.

Harry snorted, then chuckled, and finally belted out into full gut-busting laughter. He started to calm down, until he got a good look at Gavin’s mascara’d and eyeliner-painted face screwed up in a pathetic little pout. It was the little glittery purple cat ears that Gavin wore on his head that pushed Harry over the edge. He fell off the couch laughing, so long and so hard that tears fell from his eyes, his ribs ached and he was a bit worried that he’d toss chunks. Harry reached up to the couch, and tried to pull himself back onto it while chortling.

Oh… I’m so sorry. Yeah, hard life. Yeah. Harry kept laughing.

What’s so funny? Gavin whined. He was used to people making fun of his clothing, because they were small minded plebes, but he wasn’t used to this reaction.

Harry took a few deep breathes. You are. You have no idea what I’d do to be in your shoes right now. Gavin looked down at his custom Doc Martins, and at Harry’s tattered trainers.

I can believe that, he said snarkily.

Harry snorted, following Gavin’s gaze. Oh, that too. Harry shook his head. Right, well, whatever, I’m not one to tell you what to think or feel. He waved his hand and lurched off of the couch. Thanks for the laugh… um… what was your name again?

Gavin, Gavin pouted.

Harry snorted. Right… Gavin. I think I’m going to toddle off and finish my homework.

Gavin stood up, blocking Harry’s path. Not until you tell me what’s so funny!

Harry’s good mood vanished. He was tired of ignorant people demanding answers from him like it was their Merlin-given right. He tried to calm down. Don’t worry about it. I’m just going to my room, so let it go.

No. Tell me what’s so funny, Gavin said, not letting it go. Unless you are just some wannabe poser.

For a second, Harry was almost annoyed, except even Draco could come up with better insults. Still, the purple ponce was in his way, and the prat could use a little bit of reality. Harry stared straight at Gavin. Alright, you want to know what’s funny? So your dad’s a loser and your mum’s got it hard. That’s nice. Both my parents are dead. They got killed by a psychopath when I was a baby. The room fell silent. Oh no, you missed a few meals. Yeah, that sucks. You know what sucks more? My Aunt and Uncle hate me. For the first ten years of my life, I lived in a cupboard. Not a small room, literally a cupboard in the kitchen under the stairs. I didn’t know my own name until I went to primary school. If I was lucky, I got fed once a day. I’ve never had a birthday party, never gotten a present, and until I went to my current school, never had a friend. And you know what? It doesn’t mean a damn thing. Because, sometimes life sucks. You want to know why I feel this way? Remember that psychopath who killed my parents? Well, I got to see him again, and I watched him kill Cedric right. In. Front. OF! MY! FACE! Harry screamed into Gavin’s face. SO UNTIL YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS LIKE DON’T FUCKING WHINE ABOUT HOW SHITTY YOUR LIFE IS!

Harry shouldered past the stunned Gavin, ignoring the silent teenagers, and stomped into his room. He slammed the door behind him, and threw himself into his bed. ‘Damnit,’ he thought, ‘now I’ve fucked everything up.’ He growled into his pillow. ‘Oh well… maybe they’ll leave me alone. Like everybody else.’

Back in the common room, the Emo kids shared a single silent thought. Gavin was dethroned. They had a new God, and His name was Harry.

…

Bill shook his head. Jenessa hadn’t been able to make it to the camp for a couple days, citing some emergency or another. Harry… well, Harry seemed to be working out alright. A little too well. After the third day Bill had to sit Harry down and explain that labor laws didn’t quite allow him to work eighteen hour days, so the boy had to cut down on the jobs a bit and let the other kids have a share. The stupefied look on Harry’s face when Bill explained that Harry really didn’t have to do any more that week sent chills down Bill’s spine. Still, Harry relented, and spent his free time on schoolwork, or learning his way around automotive repair with Bill to pass the time.

Finally, Jenessa showed up for dinner, a week after Harry arrived at the camp. So, how’s our newest inmate, she asked wryly.

Bill shook his head. He shouldn’t be here, he said sadly.

Jenessa frowned. Bill… you shouldn’t give up so soon. They are good kids, they just need a little discipline and some pride in life.

Bill shook his head, more firmly this time. It’s not that. He’s not Emo, not in the slightest. I mean, he’s got a temper on him that won’t quit, but comes honestly. Do you know what I had to do, a couple days back? Jenessa shook her head. I had to stop the kid from working, or we’d be in some deep shit with Labor.

Jenessa blinked. What? She asked.

Exactly, Bill said with a helpless shrug. I had to explain that the Crown frowns upon fourteen-year-olds working more than three eighteen hour days. Hell, they frown on them working one eighteen hour day. Do you know what he did? He bloody smiled like Christmas’d come early.

Jenessa inhaled sharply. Do you think…

Bill nodded. I don’t think, Jenessa, I know. Frankly, I’m waiting until I can get together with the Captain on this one. I know a couple dockworkers who can give us a hand…

Jenessa smiled sadly. Bill… I can’t approve of that kind of behavior.

Talk to him, Bill said sadly, and you will.

Jenessa blinked. I suppose I should… so how are the other kids taking him?

Bill grinned. That’s the best part. You know Gavin? Jenessa nodded. The little shite’s been dethroned. They worship Harry like a GOD! He barked out in a quick laughter. Hell, if you wait up a second, you’ll see what I mean. Katherine, Kitty and Elizabeth took it upon themselves to expand the boy’s wardrobe. Bill frowned. Did you see the rags he was wearing? I swear to God, Jenessa, that’s all they gave him… those trainers should be burnt as a health hazard, and I think their the only pair he’s got… I saw their house, it wasn’t a shack… He shook his head, but his melancholy was interrupted by the sound of tittering girls.

Bill looked up to see Harry bedecked in full Emo regalia, minus the girl-pants. Instead, they appeared to have scrounged up some leather pants that fit. He bit his lip to stop from busting out in laughter at the sight.

Harry glowered and picked at his fishnet shirt. I feel like a douche, he said mournfully while adjusting the spiked collar around his neck.

Bill lost control. Jenessa swatted him playfully. Now Bill, don’t judge.

Bill snorted. Sounds like Harry’s got the right of it though, he responded between chuckles.

Harry flushed. Erm, right. You can stop laughing now. He looked over at Jenessa. Hi, I’m Harry Potter… um, I don’t normally wear this kind of clothes… really. The girls tried to put make-up on me, but I’m a bloke. It’s just not right. Bill snorted.

Jenessa stood, and extended her hand. Hello Harry, I’m Doctor Chambers, but feel free to call me Jenessa. Normally I’d have had the chance to speak with you earlier, but an emergency came along. Do you have time now?

Harry groaned. He just knew she was going to ask him about his feelings. He’d heard that tone of voice from Hermione before. His shoulders slumped in defeat as he nodded. Yeah. Can I change first? Please?

Bill let out fresh gales of laughter at the indignant expression on the girls’ faces, and even Jenessa couldn’t quite conceal her smile. If that would make you more comfortable, go ahead.

Harry smiled, and tore out of the mess like Voldemort himself was on his heels. Considering how put-out the girls looked, he figured it wasn’t that far off from the truth.

…

Jenessa waited until Harry had returned to the dorm before she let out a burst of expletives that would make a drunken sailor with Tourette’s syndrome blush. She stalked over to Bill’s office and banged on the door.

Bill opened the door, a particularly bemused expression on his face. Something upset you? He asked wryly.

Don’t give me that shite, Jenessa spat. When I get my hands on the Dursleys… oooh! I swear to GOD I’m tempted to give a couple of my orderlies a call…

Bill placed a calming hand on her shoulder. Look, why don’t you sit down while I ring up the Captain. I figure he needs to know about this, and maybe the Headmaster at Harry’s school…

Jenessa glared at Bill. The Headmaster at Harry’s school… why that shite-eating arsemite is more than half the bloody problem! Of all the half-arse, shite-for-brains bugger-all… ARGH! Who the bloody HELL sends a bloody CHILD back to those God-forsaken EVIL relatives right after the boy watched one of his classmates get murdered right in front of his bloody eyes. And then has the unmitigated gall to order his friends to stop communication! What RIGHT does he have… I mean, he’s a bloody Headmaster, he can’t tell those children what to do after they leave school, the fact that his orders were fucking just plain wrong notwithstanding! Why, if I ever meet that old bastard I swear I’m going to…

Bill listened to Jenessa rant with half an ear while he rang up James. James answered on the second ring.

Bill, James answered, what’s the situation? And did I just hear Jenessa say something about ripping off a man’s balls and setting them on fire before choking him with them?

Yeah, Bill replied, you did. Look, we’ve got to talk about the Potter kid. Did you know he’s like your boys?

There was a silence on the other side for a moment. Wait… he is? His name is Harry Potter, right?

Yeah, Bill replied. Jenessa was still describing the horribly painful and anatomically impossible things she planned to do to both the Dursleys and Harry’s Headmaster.

Holy hell, Bill, I didn’t put two and two together. James said softly. That’s the kid I was telling you about, the one my boys have such a hard-on over.

It’s worse than you thought, Bill said sadly. I think you need to talk to him yourself, face to face. I’ll tell you one thing: If you try to send the boy back to those animals, I won’t just quit, I’ll kill you myself.

There was another long silence. I take it from the ranting that Jenessa agrees?

Bill laughed. I think she’d make your death a mite more painful.

James chuckled. I’ll be there tomorrow, and we’ll see what we can do.

---------------------------------><------------------—

Lord of Bones

Draco giggled drunkenly as he flounced down the corridor, a look of vacant ecstasy on his face. He skipped along the hallways merrily, whistling a jaunty tune as he did so (much to the horror of a Third Year Hufflepuff, who passed out in a nearby doorway). Behind him trailed Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass and Tracey Davis; the latter three of which were watching him with varying degrees of amusement.

I told you not to add that root to the potion! hissed Nott.

Zabini sighed in the tone of someone who’d heard that particular complaintone too many times. Sod off, Theo.

Behind them, Pansy snickered.

Dammit! snarled Nott, surprising those who knew the usually quiet boy. It’s Potter and his bootlickers!

The others looked up, their gazes immediately locking on the black-haired Gryffindor and his friends. Nott and Zabini cursed and quickened their paces, leaving the girls walking sedately behind.

Draco, for his part, stopped immediately in front of his arch-nemesis, an unreadable expression on his face. Harry looked at him warily, noticing theother two Slytherins running up to the Malfoy heir’s side.

Potter, said the Malfoy scion neutrally. I just wanted to say… 

Harry tensed.

… I love you, man! blubbered the platinum ponce, drawing the horrified Gryffindor into a bear-hug.

Wha-what the hell?! gibbered Harry, struggling to break out of the Slytherin’s embrace. A beseeching look to his friends drew stunned glances (evenfrom the Slytherins), while Pansy and her posse dissolved into helpless laughter.

You’re a great guy, y’know? slurred Malfoy drunkenly. I mean, with all the crap dat’sh happen’d t’you, you’re shtill a desh… dic… des… nice guy! I think I’ll reward you!

Harry shuddered. Disturbing images gnawed at his mind, as he contemplated the meaning of ‘reward’.

Suddenly, Draco let him go and began to search his robes. Where izzit… aha! exclaimed the Malfoy scion trumphantly. The Betrothal Contracts! Lesshe here… me and Panshy… Daphne and Blaish… Trassy and Theo… 

What?! snarled the just-caught-up fairer sex of Slytherin, eyes flashingdangerously. Blaise and Theodore began to sweat heavily. Draco, on the other hand, just drew out a quill from his robes. Lesshhe, cross out Malfoy, Zabini and Nott… and replace with Potter… all done! The Malfoy heir pressed the scrolls into Harry’s hand.

Congrasshulashuns! You’re now engaged to three of the hottesht girlsh in Hogwarts! I hope you have lotsh of hot monkey shexh and many beu… boo… bau… pretty babeesh! Be gentle, they’re virginsh!

Harry stared at the scrolls numbly, alternating between them and his new fiancées, who were just as shell-shocked.

Draco moved on, content in his match-making, to Hermione Granger. The Muggleborn held out her wand, as though conveying a Touch me and die! message.

Draco just smiled vacantly. Granger, you have a great pair of titsh and anice arsh.

Hermione coloured. What?! she hissed.

Yer titsh as nice as Panshy’s and Trassy’s, he continued cheerfully, gesturing to the other two girls. I’d shay they were ash nish ash Daphne’s, but Daphne’s a class on her own, he said, gesturing to the blushing Slytherin’s generous bust.

Of course, she could’ve been blushing because Harry was shamelessly oglingher, but that’s a different story.

Pershonally, I think you need a good, hard shagging. It’d do wondersh ferthat pershonality. I’m shure Potter’ll be happy to help; shinse he shatrshat’cher arsh when he thinks no-one is looking!

Leaving the wide-eyed Muggleborn (who was giving Harry interesting glances), he turned to a nervous-looking Neville. Draco shook his head sadly. I’mshorry to shay, Longbottom, slurred Draco pityingly, you’ll die a virgin.

Neville stared at him.

It’sh not your fault, tho, consoled Draco; but sherioushly Longbottom, would anyone want to take up your surname? Think of the jokesh! The taunts!The endless dieting brochures becaush of yer last name! The Malfoy turnedhis head away pityingly, leaving Neville, who looked as though he was about to burst into tears.

Luna was next as Draco flounced up to her, gleeful smile on his face. The girl simply smiled at him dreamily as they stared into each other’s eyes… 

… until Malfoy broke away with a horrified shudder, turning to GinnyWeasley, whose wand was pointed directly at his face.

Weashley, he said, ignoring the wand. I think yer hot.

Eleven faces swivelled around to the oblivious Malfoy scion, shock written on them.

Not ash hot ash yer brother, but shtill hot.

Leaving the slack-jawed redhead, he turned to the OTHER slack-jawed redhead. Hey Weashley, wanna go break in Shnap’s desk?

Ron fled, screaming bloody murder. Draco grinned vacantly. I think he likesh me! confided the blonde to Ginny, who was staring vacantly into space with a blank look in her eyes.

With a shrug, the Malfoy child skipped away merrily, leaving his ‘audience’ behind (save for Blaise and Theodore, who were racing after him). Harry spoke up, turning his gaze to his new ‘fiancees’. So, uh, wanna snog?

Tracey looped her arm around his, inadverdently pressing her breast against his arm. We thought you’d never ask.

________________________________________________________

Blaise huffed and puffed, desperately trying to get air into his lungs. How the hell… can he… run so damn fast? he wheezed out.

Theo looked up. There he is… OH NO… 

Blaise followed his friend’s gaze and turned white.

Draco just smiled. Hey Bonesh!

The well-developed auburn-haired girl turned around, her long braid whipping past the air as her wand shot out.

Draco grinned, lashing his arms out and squeezing Susan’s considerable bust despite her defenses.

Honk, honk.

Susan simply stood there, speechless, even after Draco ran away giggling; Blaise and Theodore on his heels.

Then she turned red. You bastard! she roared as she gave chase. I was waiting for Harry to do that!

___________________________________________________

Think..we..lost her? gasped Nott.

Zabini didn’t answer, instead looking at the two people Draco had bumped into. Oh hell… 

Draco smiled up at the old wizard. Professhor Dumble… Dimble… Dubydor.

Mr. Malfoy, greeted the Headmaster, his eyes twinkling. Snape, who was standing next to him, frowned.

Malfoy, are you drunk?!

Ah, shod off you old bat. replied the blonde easily, focusing on Dumbledore and ignoring his surprised Head of House. Professhor, I’d jusht like to shay I reshpect you.

Why, thank you Mr. Malfoy, smiled Dumbledore.

I mean, shure you ogle Professhor Slughorn’sh behind when you think no-one’sh looking—

Dumbledore’s eyes widened.

And sure, you have the fashion shenshe of a mad parrot and the educas… edju… teaching capability of a demented loon—

Dumbledore’s jaw was gaping.

And shure, you have the common shenshe of a lemming… fact ish, you’e theHeadmashter and you should be reshpected!

Leaving behind the shocked Headmaster, Malfoy turned to Snape. Professor… 

Yes, Malfoy? grated out the Professor.

I think I’m gonna be shick.

_____________________________________________________________________

A few hours later… 

Why the hell am I face-deep in vomit? And why do I have this splitting headache? More importantly, where are those marriage contracts I was going to show Blaise and Theo?

In the Room of Requirement… 

Harry leaned back and enjoyed the minstrations of the two girls whosemouths were busy with his groin, his arms wrapped around two others. He made a mental note to set Malfoy up on a date with Ron as thanks.

The last non-sexual thought he had before Daphne proved that Slytherins swallow was It’s good to be me.

===============!!====================

The beta’ed version:

Draco Malfoy giggled drunkenly as he flounced down the corridor, a look of vacant ecstasy on his face. The bright rosy hue on his face was a testament to just how inebriated he was.

He skipped along the hallways merrily, whistling a jaunty tune as he did so, much to the horror of a ThirdYear Hufflepuff, who passed out in a nearby doorway. The ones who had taken up the task of minding the Malfoy Heir- whatever the reason- were still not exactly sure what Draco had whispered into the boy’s ear as he passed.

Behind him trailed Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass and Tracy Davis. The latter three were watching him with varying degrees of amusement, while the former two were trying to figure out how they were going to get their comrade in arms under control without him making too much of a fuss.

A task easier said than done.

I told you not to add that root to the potion! hissed Nott.

Sod off, Theo…  Blaise sighed heavily. The tone he used was that of someone who’d heard that particular complaint one too many times. Though, in Theodore’s defense he HAD warned both Blaise AND Malfoy what would happen.

Behindthem, Pansy snickered. Despite maintained appearances of her infatuation"with the inebriated blonde idiot stumbling down the corridors of Hogwarts,she only really came along to watch Draco make a fool of himself.

Dammit! snarled Nott, surprising those who knew the usually quiet boy. It’s Potter and his bootlickers!

Each of them, with the exception of Draco, were all cringing at the prospect of confrontation with Potter and his groupies. They had hoped to avoid the Golden Trio and their sidekicks,who were most commonly referred to now-a-days as the Ministry Six, but much to their chagrin, it was not to be.

Especially since Draco had taken it upon himself to charge into a direct confrontation with his school yard nemesis. If not for the actions of their leader, they may have been able to slip away unobserved, but that plan was killed from the moment Draco had called out Potter’s name.

Sharing a glance between them, both Nott and Zabini cursed and quickened their paces, leaving the girls walkingsedately behind.

Draco, for his part, stopped immediately in frontof his arch-nemesis, an unreadable expression on his face. Harry looked athim warily, noticing the other two Slytherins running up to the Malfoy heir’s side with the other three following at a much slower pace.

Potter, said the Malfoy scion neutrally. I just wanted to say… 

Harry tensed. Whatever he and the others, Gryffindor (plus one Ravenclaw) and Slytherin alike, expected Malfoy to say, this wasn’t it.

I…  I loveyou, man! blubbered the platinum ponce, drawing the horrified Gryffindor into a bear-hug. Everyone froze for a moment. Even Luna abandoned her oblivious, and dreamy demeanor for an incredulous and surprised expression.

Wha-what the hell?! gibbered Harry, struggling to break out of the Slytherin’s embrace. He looked to the others for help.

First, he lookedto his friends, who couldn’t help but stare with horrified expressions on their face. Obviously, this was a Draco they neither knew or anticipating having to take care of.

Next, he looked to the Slytherins for help, mostly out of desperation. Both Nott and Zabini were looking as lost as his friends were, they obviously didn’t want to escalate the situation even more either. Looking over at their female counterparts, he saw that Daphne hadan amused look on her face, while Tracy was trying to hold in laughter. Pansy had no such qualms showing what she thought of the situation as she wasnearly doubled over in laughter.

They obviously weren’t going to beof any help.

You…  You’re a great guy, y’know? slurred Malfoy drunkenly, poking his finger into Harry’s chest, while still maintaining his tight hug on the Boy Who Lived. I mean, with all the crap dat’sh happen’d t’you…  you’re shtill a desh…  dic…  des…  Nice guy! I think I’ll reward you!

Harry shuddered, as he tried to pry himself out of Draco’s grip. Disturbing images gnawed at his mind, as he contemplated the meaning of ‘reward’. R-really, Malfoy, that’s not really necessary… 

Suddenly, Draco let him go and began to search his robes. Where izzit…  AHA! exclaimed the Malfoy scion triumphantly. The Betrothal Contracts! Lesshe here…  Me and Panshy…  Daph and Blaish…  Trassy and Theo… 

What?! snarled the three members of the fairer sex of Slytherin, eyes flashingdangerously, all traces of their previous humor was gone.

While marriage and betrothal contracts were still quite common amongst pureblood, and even some half-blood families, it was obvious to Harry from the collective reactions of the male and female Slytherins that the later group had no idea that such arrangements had even been made.

Blaise and Theodore began to sweat heavily, as Tracy had drawn her wand and Pansy was eagerly fingering hers. Daphne, on the other hand, decided to glower at them menacingly, which somehow seemed to be much more intimidating in its’ own way.

Draco, on the other hand, just drew out a quill from his robes, oblivious to the plight of his friends. Lesshe, crosshe out dis, dis and dis…  And replace with…  All done! The Malfoy heir pressed the scrolls into Harry’s hand.

Harry stared blankly at Draco as the scrolls were forced into his hands. Quickly glancing down at the Betrothal Contracts he saw ‘Blaise Zabini’ and above that a hastily scrawled ‘Harry Potter’. At thispoint he was speechless.

What could you really say if your enemy practically handed you his girlfriend/fiancee?

Congrasshulashuns! You’re now Bee…  Beff…  Engaged to three of the hottesht girlsh in Hogwartsh! I hope you have lotsh of hot shexh and many beu…  boo…  bau…  Pretty babeesh! Be gentle, they’re virginsh!

Harry stared at the scrolls numbly, alternating between them and his new fiancees, who were just as shell-shocked. Even Daphne’s normally controlled expression had fallen away.

Content with his match-making skills, Draco moved on to another target,Hermione Granger. Quicker than anyone could see, her wand was in her hand pointing at the Malfoy scion, her glare said it all, ‘Touch me and die!’.

However, Draco either ignored this, or just didn’t care as he just smiled vacantly. Granger, you have a great pair of titsh and a nice arsh.

W-What!? Hermione hissed, though a small blush adorned her face, her wand lowered a small fraction. She was both flattered with the compliment, and repulsed by the vulgarity of it, and was totally caught off guard because of the person it had come from.

Yer titsh as nicsh as Panshee’s and Trayshee’s, he continued cheerfully, gesturing towards the aforementioned girls. I’d shay they were ash nicsh ash Daphsh, but Daphne ish a class on her own.. he then gestured towards the heavily blushing Slytherin with the more than generous bust.

Whether or not she was blushing from embarassment due to Malfoy brazenly discussing her assets in front of a rather large collection of his closest allies and rivals was questionable asHarry was shamelessly ogling her.

Pershonally, I tink you need a good, hard shagging. It’d do wondersh fer that pershonality. I’m shure Potter’ll be happy to help! he exclaimed throwing his arm around Harry again, much to the raven haired boy’s displeasure, He alwaysh shtaresh at’cher arsh when he tinks no-one ish looking!

Draco then hopped away from Harry and onto his next victim. Meanwhile, a wide-eyed Muggleborn gavea certain best friend of hers an interesting sidelong glance, though said best friend was desperately trying to sink into the ground by staring intently at it. She was pleased to see the flustered blush on his face.

Draco, on the other hand, had turned to a nervous-looking Neville, at whom Draco shook his head sadly. I’m shorry to shay, Longbottom, he slurred pityingly, But…  You’ll die a virgin… 

Neville stared at him incredulously.

It’sh not your fault, tho, consoled Draco, But sherioushly Longbottom, would anyone want to take up your surname? Think of the jokesh! The tauntsh! The endless dieting brochures becaush of yer last name!

Neville looked as if he was about to burst into tears before the Malfoy drew him into a giant bear hug. I’m shorry man!

Neville’s pitiful expression turned to one of revulsion as he pushed the Malfoy scion off of him. Instead of becoming offended or infuriated Draco merely turned his head away pityingly, as if mourning the loss of a close friend.

Lunawas next as Draco flounced up to her, gleeful smile on his face. The girl simply smiled at him dreamily as they stared into each other’s eyes… 

Nobody said anything as both simply stared and stared, neither one moving in anyway, not even to blink. It was Malfoy who broke away first with a horrified shudder, turning to Ginny Weasley, whose wand was pointed directlyat his face.

If Hermione’s expression earlier was ‘Touch me and die!’ Ginny’s thunderous expression clearly said ‘Touch me and I’ll kill you, your whole family, sodomize your corpse and eat you dog’s insides with a smile on my face!’

Weashley…  he said, ignoring the wand and the non-verbal threat of immanent death. I think yer hot.

The entire world stopped on that very moment. Eleven faces swivelled around to the oblivious Malfoy scion, shock written on them. It was well known in the SlytherinCommon Room that Nott had, at one time, harbored a small crush on the littlest Weasley and that Blaise certainly found her attractive, but never in athousand, no a million, nay a BILLION years would they have ever have thought that Draco would have EVER have admitted THAT.

Somewhere on another plain of existence a being with red skin, horns and a tail was calling for his aid to bring him a parka and a set of ice skates, but that’s another story all together.

Meanwhile, Ginny had dropped her wand, though her arm had remained in place as if she was still pointing it at him. It was obvious to everyone that her entire thought process had completely shutdown.

Not ash hot ash yer brother, but shtill hot. Draco then turnedaway from her to the OTHER slack-jawed redhead. Hey Weashley, wanna go break in Professher Shnape’s desk?

Ron fled, screaming bloody murder while Draco grinned valiantly.

I tink he likesh me! Draco grinned as he confided his pleased thoughts to Ginny. Unfortunately, the girl had received one shock too many as she simply crumpled to the floor.

Witha shrug, the Malfoy heir skipped away merrily, leaving his ‘audience’ behind. After a moment to process everything that had happened, Blaise and Theodore went chasing after their childhood friend leaving the girls, the threestill conscious Gryffindors, a spacey Ravenclaw and a fainted Weasley behind.

After they had turned the corner, Harry spoke up, turning his gaze to his new ‘fiancees’. So, uh…  Wanna snog?

Tracy looped her arm around his, ‘inadvertently’ pressing her breasts against his arm. We thought you’d never ask.

~~~~~~~~~~

Blaise huffed and puffed, desperately trying to get air into his lungs.

How…  The hell…  Can he…  Run so bloody fast? he wheezed out, as he doubled over, his hand vainly trying to lessen the pain in his abdomin has he began to cramp up.

Theo looked up. Hey, there he is…  Oh no… 

Blaise followed his friend’s gaze and turned white, Damn… 

Hey Bonesh! Draco smiled as he approached the well developed auburn haired girl. Her long braidwhipped through the air as she spun around drawing her wand in case Malfoytried anything.

Draco merely grinned as he flung his arms out with incredible speed that belied his current state of mind and proceeded in squeezing Susan’s considerable bust despite her defenses.

Honk, honk!

A giggling Draco then turned and began skipping away cheerfully leaving a rather stunned Susan Bones in his wake. Blaise and Theo weren’t sureif they should congratulate or be frightened for their friend. The last person who even TRIED that, some pompous, arrogant git name Macmillan, ended up in the Hospital Wing for more than a week.

Sue, on the other hand, simply stood there, totally speechless. However, Blaise and Theo noticed her rapidly reddening face. Though contrary to what many would believe about the normally shy and soft spoken Hufflepuff, it was not due to embarassment, but pure, righteous, female fury. Lest they become caught up in the furious storm of punches and kicks that would surely be known as Hurricane Bones, they sped off after Draco.

Y-Y-You…  You…  BASTARD! she roared as she gave chase. I’ve been waiting for Harry to do that!

~~~~~~~~~~

Th-Think…  We…  Lost her? gasped Nott.

Zabini didn’t answer. Instead, looking at the two people Draco had bumped into this time. Oh hell… 

Professher Dumble…  Dimble…  Dubydor! Draco shouted, smiling casually as he strolled up to the old wizard and their Headof House, who was right next to him.

Hello, Draco, greeted the Headmaster, his eyes twinkling as Snape frowned.

Mr. Malfoy, are you drunk!?

Ah, shod off you old bat. replied the blonde easily, before focusing on Dumbledore and completely ignoring his surprised Head of House. Professher…  I’d jusht like to shay I reshpect you.

He swayedslightly as he exaggeratedly pointed at Dumbledore.

Why, thank you Mr. Malfoy, Dumbledore smiled serenely. Perhaps there was hope for the young Malfoy yet.

I mean, shure you ogle Professher Slughorn’sh behind when you think no-one’sh looking… 

Dumbledore’s eyes widened in surprise while Snape’s face took on a pale, sickly green hue.

Andsure, you have the fashion shenshe of a mad parrot, something Snape, and many others, wholeheartedly agree on, And the educas…  edju…  teaching capability of a demented loon… 

Dumbledore’s jaw was gaping, as he was trying vainly to come up with a response.

And shure, you have the common shenshe of a lemming…  But the fact ish, you’re the Headmashterand you should be reshpected! Draco thrust his hand into the air, pointing at the ceiling as if to further drive home his point. The effect was completely ruined by his constant swaying.

A shocked Headmaster looked to his Defense Professor as if asking for help as he was totally out of his element. However, before either of them could react… 

Professher… "Draco said as he swayed back and forth, tugging on Snape’s sleeve.

What is it, Mr. Malfoy? grated out Snape

I-I…  I tink…  I tinkI’m gonna be…  Urk!

~~~~~~~~~~

In the Room of Requirement… 

Harry leaned back and enjoyed the ministrations of the twogirls whose mouths were busy with his groin, his arms wrapped around two others, his own mouth going back and forth between their voluptuous breasts.

He made a mental note to set Malfoy up on a date with Ron as thanks.

The last non-sexual thought he had before Daphne proved that ‘Slytherins Swallow AND Share’ was, ‘It’s good to be me… ’

~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, in a random corridor… 

Draco Malfoy,who was face down on a stone floor covered in his own vomit stirred into consciousness.

Ugh…  he said intelligibly, though his mind was running a mile a minute. ‘My head is killing me… ’ Then he sniffed around and nearly added to the pile of vomit he was currently laying in. ‘Why the hell am I covered in vomit?’

Where the hell are Blaise and Theo? Draco weakly stood up, trying vainly to wipe off the puke that was sticking tohis clothes when his eyes widened in horror and he then began to panic. Bloody Hell! Where are those betrothal contracts I was going to show Blaise and Theo!?

His father was so going to kill him… 

Lord of Bones

… and blondes… .and brunettes… 

Harry sighed, tuning out Mrs. Weasley’s lecture about romance and Ginny. The Express was leaving in ten minutes, and she still hadn’t finished! She was just getting to ‘what not to do while dating my daughter’ when he finally interrupted.

I’m sorry Mrs. Weasley, but what’s the point of all this?

The Weasley matriarch huffed. The point is, young man, she said sternly, is that when you date my Ginny, there are rules—

But I’m not dating Ginny!

Oh, come now Harry, said Mrs. Weasley patronisingly, everyone knows Potter men love redheads!

Harry stared at her, before letting a smirk cross his face just as Susan Bones walked by. Yup, he agreed cheerfully, before grabbing the busty ‘Puff ‘round the waist.

The strawberry-blonde blinked in surprise. Harry, wha-MMPH?!

The assembled Weasleys stared in shock as Harry Potter began to enthusiastically snog Susan Bones. Their jaws dropped as one of Harry’s hands glided down to her skirt-clad (hitched up to reveal creamy thighs and a hint of black lace) arse and squeezed happily, the other busy with her shirt-clad chest. Their eyes popped out as Susan wrapped her legs around Harry’s waist and ground herself against him, prompting a ragged groan.

Finally, the snoggers broke off. See? said Harry goofily, a huge grin on his face as he toyed with her covered breasts. Susan whimpered in appreciation; showing that she wasn’t wearing a bra under her shirt.

Molly sputtered. Ginny wasn’t better off.

Just before the duo walked off, Susan turned around. We Hufflepuffs always share, she said sultrily. I don’t mind you joining us.

This time, Ron began to sputter as a furiously blushing Hermione detached herself from the contingent of Weasleys and shyly snuggled herself to the side that Susan wasn’t occupying.

Potters love brunettes too, said Harry agreeably as his free hand gave Hermione’s jean-clad behind an appreciative grope. She squeaked, moulding herself against him even more.

The last thing the dumbstruck family of gingers heard was when the trio had already boarded the train. It was Harry’s voice.

Bloody hell, you shaved it into lightning bolts?! Both of you?! Best… day… ever!

Lord of Bones

Warning: somewhat disturbing, if you dislike corporal punishment.

Harry grit his teeth, listening to Hermione berate him on the Half-Blood Prince and on the impossibility of Draco Malfoy, Prince of Ponces, beinga Death-Eater. He didn’t need this shit now. Not for the first time in a year, he felt like smacking her and shaking her until she could see reason.

Harry James Potter, are you even listening to me?! snapped Hermione."Honestly, as if it isn’t bad enough you’re cheating in class, you’re still going on about Malfoy being a Death-Eater! Are you still that delusional?

Shut up, hissed Harry.

What?!

I SAID, SHUT THE FUCK UP! he roared, springing to his feet.He noticed Hermione look at him with shock, anger… and a small amount of fear as well. He lashed out, grabbing her hand (it felt so small in his own, Harry noted distantly) and dragging her out of the common room.

What do you think you’re doing, Harry?! hissed Hermione, struggling to get away.

Harry didn’t answer, storming his way to the Room of Requirement. He threw open the door and walked in, the Room having reconfigured itself to form a single chair in a barren room. Harry maneuvered himself such that he was sitting on the chair with a still-protesting Hermione bent over his lap.Ignoring her struggles, he pulled off her skirt (barely stopping from ogling her red lace knickers), eliciting a scream of anger from Hermione. Harry, how dare you—

SMACK!

Hermione froze, feeling the sting of Harry’s open palm against her arse. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Something I should’ve done at the beginning of the year.

With that, he began spanking her.

Hermione’s face turned red with rage, as she snarled and hissed like awildcat. Harry was relentless however, until she felt the sting of humaliation and the pain. She began to wince with discomfort, until finally she began to beg. Please Harry, it hurts, please stop, I’m so sorry, I’ll never shout at you again, please Harry, she whimpered, tears trickling down her cheeks.

At that point, reality caught up to Harry. He released her, guilt and self-disgust welling in him. Hermione sniffled as she curled up into him, wincing at the sting of pain. She sniffled and wept into his neck; I’m so sorry, I’ll never shout at you again, I’m so sorry…  Harry held her and stroked her hair gently, feeling wore than a little wretched. After a few minutes, Hermione finally stopped crying, while Harry just held her.

The he felt something odd.

There was a pleasurable, moist sensation on his neck. His eyes widenedas Hermione began lapping at his neck with her tongue, peppering small kisses along his jaw and nuzzling him.

Her-Hermione?

I-I’ve never been disciplined before, Harry, she murmured shyly intohis ear. I’ve always wondered what it would be like if someone got fed upand disciplined me. I always thought it would be you… 

W-Wha?

Hermione demurely began to unbutton her blouse as she rocked herself on his lap. Harry’s mouth began to water at the sight of her breasts, held back only by her bra. You made me submit to you, Harry, she whispered sultrily, entwining her arms behind his neck and drawing his head to her right breast. Somewhat numbly, Harry began to suckle on the lace-clad nipple as the sensations of having a barely-dressed woman in his lap caught up to him.

It makes me very horny, Hermione mewled into his hair, feeling his teeth tug down her bra before resuming his assault on her breasts.

They weren’t seen for the rest of the day.

Lord of Bones

… Harry sighed and turned to the redheaded witch at his side. Well, that’s one more on his way. It’s going to be awfully quiet at home with just Lily.

Ginny looked up at him, a mischievous gleam appearing in her eyes. Maybe it’s time to think about another little Potter? she asked, her lips curving into the little smirk that always drove him crazy.

Are you serious? he asked hopefully. I thought you didn’t want tobe, how did you phrase it, ‘trampled underfoot by your own children like you were by your brothers’?

As always, Ginny’s fair skin betrayed her blush. You would rememberthat, she replied ruefully. I guess I’m more like my mum than I thought.I really miss having them all underfoot.

Well, you won’t get any complaints from me, her husband of eighteen years replied. The more the merrier, I always say. He grinned as his wife elbowed him lightly in the ribs, then is expression softened. And if it’s a boy, we could name him after Remus.

Nymphadora Potter, Ginny replied, her eyes growing suspiciously shiny. That works for me, too, she whispered.

Harry smiled, feeling that swelling of his heart that he had so longago called in all ignorance the ‘monster in his chest’. Merlin, I love you, he murmured as he leaned down to capture her lips--—

SWEET MERLIN!

James Potter bolted up, trembling as sweat ran down his face. He gasped for breath, hand groping for his wand and glasses.

What the hell was that dream? A premonition? He shuddered at that thought, just as the full impact of the dream hit him.

He and Lily had been dead, their baby boy had been sent to the Dursleys and abused, his Hogwarts years were horrible, Voldemort hunted him, then there were Snape and Dumbledore—

Snape and Dumbledore.

Dear god, Snape mindraped Harry.

And Dumbledore had damned his son to hell. James felt sick, remembering the life dream-Harry had lead.

Then there were the marriages. James knew the effects of love-potions from when he had been dosed once, and Harry and that Muggleborn friend… Hermione?… had been dosed, liberally. He had been expecting his dream-son to hook up with her but ended up with a Weasley instead.

Arthur was nice enough, but Molly made him nervous; especially with the way she eyed his and Lily’s wedding rings… and the Manor. If the daughter was anything like her mother… ew.

And if Peter was the secret-keeper of the cottage… James cursed the dayhe let Dumbledore convince him to move to Godric’s Hollow. He’d have to tell Lily—

Lily. Where was she?

The Lord of House Potter panicked, leaping out of bed and running to hisson’s room. He opened the door and then breathed with relief.

Lily looked up inquiringly, Harry nestled against her as he suckled. James? she asked. What’s wrong?

James walked up to her and sat down beside her, burying his face in her crimson tresses while stroking Harry’s head softly.

James? Lily asked, somewhat worried.

We’re moving back to the Manor, Lily, he whispered. It’s not safe here anymore.

Grifter74

I’ve seen in several discussions and numerous pieces of fanfiction about how easy it was to get through the defenses surrounding the Philospher’s Stone for 3 1st years. So I wondered who else broke through the Defenses, and here is a little drabble I wrote.

Breaking the Defenses

Headmaster’s Office, Nov 1st

Fred and George are sprawled across the chairs they have chosen to sit in. Dumbledore is sitting behind his desk, while the Heads of Houses are standing behind him.

Do you boy’s realize what could have happen to you? Dumbledore asked

Well you did say that we would die horrible death, Fred said.

But we didn’t see anything down there that could stop a first year, George added.

If they kept their wits about them. Fred continued.

What did you expect to us find? the twins said together.

Why don’t you tell us how you got through the defenses? Minerva ordered.

Ok, Professor. First we made sure that no one else was near the entrance. The door was easy, I used an Alohomora to open it. Fluffy, we just levitated. The devil’s snare, we slipped through, it looked a bit burned as well. The room with the keys though, that took a little time, ended up picking the lock. We flew over the chess board. The troll was asleep when we went by. Used the flame-freezing charm to get through that last portal. The mirror is nice touch, but you might want to clean it up. The guys who got there before us, left their names on it. The twins volleyed back and forth.

What do you mean others? growled Snape.

You don’t know? Fred asked looking shocked. Do you think we should tell them, brother mine?

I think we should, brother dear. Snape’s got that eyebrow twitch starting. George replied.

True, Forge. Wouldn’t want that to go on too long. Fred said

Right, Gred. Well, there was Keith and his 4 friends. George boomeranged.

I think Allura went with them, too. Then Holmes and Watson. Fred snapped back.

Of course, Lotor had a go, and that guy Jeff from Hufflepuff that always fighting with Keith, took a group down as well. George slipped in.

I’m sure there are others, but that’s all the names we saw, before we decided to head back up. Fred finished off.

Please add any other groups and how they got through.

Grifter74 www.fanfiction.net/~arashihawk

Rijl Kent

I’m catching posts I missed in August, and this caught my eye. I had

to stretch to get five, but here they are. Number 7 is the one from

fanon that bugs me most.

6) Snape isn’t a good duelist. He’s good at potions and that why he’s

a Death Eater. He’s a death eater, that’s why he’s at Hogwarts. He’s

a bully who can outduel most schoolchildren and Lockhart.

7) Parseltongue does not help with cunnilingus. Anyone who tries

talking in any language doing that is an idiot. Harry’s good because

he likes to please his women and he’s good at reading the feedback

from their moans as to what works. And he’s a natural.

8) Legilimency IS reading minds. Snape is full of shit.

9) Harry’s phallus is not enormous. It’s slightly above average, but

the witches like it for what Harry can do with it.

10) Harry IS quick to forgive…  his friends. Push over the line, and

you’re no longer a friend. And the Dursleys all suffered painful

deaths that lasted for days…  in ways that could not be connected to

Harry at all.

Lord of Bones

A/N: The crack… it compelled me. Credit to fenriswolf, who inadverdantly gave me inspiration for the idea.

It was the wedding of the century, or, perhaps more accurately, they were the weddings of the century. It wasn’t every day that four members of the infamous Weasley clan got married all at once.

The blushing brides (Blushing? Three of them looked drugged! complained one wizard. That other one looked as though she was going to start cackling, too!) were escorted by their new husbands to their honeymoon resorts in the famous hotels of Wizarding Spain, but not after congratulations upon congratulations were were rained upon the happy couples by the assembledthrongs of guests, coupled with the comparisons to a certain famous and long-deceased couple. (Lily was a hot redhead, damn it! complained the samewizard. How can anyone compare… that to the late Mrs. ‘Hogwarts-Pinup’ Potter?!)

There was also the matter of one of the grooms looking fairly ill, butthat was brushed off as being a particularly long-lasting case of wedding jitters, although many commented that he looked as though he had been in a particularly bad fight with a stomach ailment.

Unfortunately, there was more to that than just wedding jitters or stomach ailments, as one Harry James Potter would soon find out, to the reliefof many and to the horror of some. Even as he carried his bride through the doorway of the suite, his magic was actively fighting against very old and very compelling enchantments, set there by the original Weasleys to be visited upon the spouses of each of their descendants.

Pity no-one told the spouses.

But even the oldest magic had little hold over the Master of Death. With the force of a rampaging dragon, his magic roared out, shattering the enchantments on all the current spouses and giving him control overhis mind and body once again.

And Ginny Potter née Weasley felt very, very nervous as her new husband turned his blazing emerald eyes to look her in the eye.

In the Next Room… 

Ron Weasley yelped as another blast of sapphire flames scorched the couch he was hiding behind, whimpering as Hermione’s outraged snarl echoed inthe suite. With the magic that bound his wife to a lifetime in the kitchenand producing sprogs gone, Ron was not looking forward to the rest ofthe evening.

But Herms, you love me! he tried again, standing up from behind his ‘protection’.

Hermione, resplendent in a form-fitting, translucent white nightgown that ended mid-thigh and exposed acres of lightly-tanned skin, wasn’t feeling so charitable. You bastard! You repugnant, treacherous, slimy, pock-marked bastard! she shrieked, bringing her wand down in a slashing motion that sent out screaming bolts of white-hot lightning across the room.

Ron yelped and dove back behind the couch, cringing as one arc of electricity ventured too close to Ron Jr. for his comfort. But Herms—

Don’t call me Herms! she screeched, a deadly hail of ice daggers piercing the couch (and the wall behind it, and the tables, and the rest of the furniture… ) with every syllable. The furious brunette ripped off the gaudy ring purchased through Potter wealth from her finger, hurling it at the couch. She stormed out of the ruined doorway, apparently unconcerned about the fact that any person within thirty feet could easily pinpoint the exact shade of her nipples. Ron followed her like a lost dog.

But Herms—

Castrato!

EEP! Ron shrieked girlishly, barely dodging the sickly crimson ray of the curse as the door to the next room opened.

A protesting Ginny squealed as Harry unceremoniously chucked her out of the doorway; the ginger-haired missile slamming into her brother’s abdomen. The Weasley siblings collapsed into a heap as Hermione entered the room Ginny had literally been thrown out of, slamming the door shut behind her pert arse. Immediately, the brown-haired young woman began pacing around thefloor of the man-she-definitely-had-more-than-platonic-feelings-for, screaming out obsceneties as she did so.

Those slimy bastards! That worthless c-cunt! How could they, Harry? They were our friends! Why would they do this?!

Harry, however, wasn’t listening. The fact that he was in a room with the skimpily-dressed best-friend-he-considered-more than-a-friend had caught up to him, and he was eyeing Hermione’s long legs, flat stomach and delightfully tasty-looking breasts the way a cobra eyed a mouse.

Harry?! Are you listening to me?! Hermione snapped out. Whatever shewas going to say next trailed away into obscurity as she caught the way the man she secretly desired as the father of her children was eyeing her while licking his lips. Her rage dwindled away as she unconsciously flaunted herself further, her nipples hardening and her silky, see-through knickers quickly becoming wet. The reply she received was Harry’s approving growl. Smiling internally, the shapely brunette sauntered over to the emerald-eyed wizard, smirking seductively.

I just realized, she purred out as she wrapped her arms behind Harry’s neck, We do have a honeymoon to enjoy, don’t we? Hermione’s smile grewwider as the massive bulge she was pressed against seemed to grow even harder.

Outside, Ron and Ginny pounded at the door, demanding to be let in. Their attempts intensified as howls of feminine ecstasy began leaking out the soundproofed room.

Dammit! roared Ron.

In a nearby hotel… 

Vous bâtard! Imbécile faible-désiré! Insulte au genre mâle! Vous pouvez oublier du même attouchement de moi, beaucoup moins deliterie moi! Peut votre âge viril vous flétrir et vous émietter!

Bill gulped and ducked a Veela-fireball, the supernatural flames scorching the wall behind him. Now, Fleur… 

Je ne vous ai pas donné de permission d’utiliser mon nom! she screeched, her near-divine beauty unmarred despite the trails of rage-born sweat.

The cycle of attempted apologies and furious French insults repeated itself for some time until Fleur spat out We are through, William! Zis farce of a marriage iz over! I will collect ‘Arry dear, Angelina and ‘Ermione’ before I wash my hands of you! She vanished with the tell-tale ‘crack’ of disapparation.

Bill, after a moment’s hesitation, followed.

In the adjoining room, a certain ebony-skinned beauty apparated away, her dumbfounded husband staring at the spot she once was.

Fuck. said George.

Back in the suite… 

Hermione shrieked as Harry impaled her on his powerful cock, reversingher former position so that he could plunder her breasts through her torn nightgown while plowing into her tight little body, her steaming quim spasming around his 10-inches as the sixth orgasm of her night blew out her mind. Harry growled into his mouthful of ample breast, laving the stiff nipple with his tongue.

Mine! he snarled, pulling away from the hypersensitive bud. He pulled out of Hermione, her juices glistening around his throbbing cock. The dark-haired man smiled as Hermione sank to her knees, her tongue lapping at his purple crown. Yours, promised Hermione. She turned around to get on allfours, presenting her shapely rump to her lover while looking over her shoulder expectantly.

She wasn’t disappointed.

Outside, Ron and Ginny were fruitlessly attempting to remove the powerful charms on the door, unsuccessfully blocking out Hermione’s passionate howls. They were interrupted by Fleur and Angelina, both of whom were glaring at the Weasley children. Move! barked the dark-skinned brunette.

As Ron and Ginny moved back (only to bump into their brother, who’d just apparated in), the Veela representative of the pair knocked on the door. ‘Arry? ‘Ermione?

OH GOD, HARDER! PLEASE, DON’T STOP!

The vehemence of the words brought blushes to both the women’s faces. Fleur rapped harder.

‘Arry? ‘Ermione? she asked timidly.

For a few moments, there was silence, before the door swung open. A flushed and heavily breathing Hermione stood in the doorway, dressed in a hastily donned nightrobe. What? she snarled.

We… er… wondered if you and Harry would… um… like to come with us…  trailed Angelina, her eyes fixed on the nude form of Harry Potter reclining lazily on the couch, cock still erect.

Hermione didn’t notice. I was this close to number seven on the Harry Potter pleasure ride, she hissed.

Mon dieu, ‘e’s enormous, Fleur breathed out, before Hermione’s wordscaught up to her mind. Nu-number seven?! And ‘e’s still hard?!

Hermione’s eyes narrowed. That’s my-hey!

Without a word, Fleur and Angelina grabbed Hermione by the arms and marched in along with her, slamming the door behind them, leaving a trio of dumbfounded Weasleys.

A week later… 

Harry yawned as he opened the door to the Potter retreat in Spain, hoping to Hell that it wasn’t another reporter. The Daily Prophet had ran a special on how the Weasleys employed an ancient familial spell to enforce a certain set of commands into their spouses, essntially moulding them into the perfect home-makers; and how he had taken the new ‘spouses’ under his ‘protection’. Now every reporter in Great Britain was hounding him for details.

He blinked as he took in the three very attractive witches on his doorstep. Daphne Greengrass? Pansy Parkinson? Tracey Davis? he asked incredulously.

Daphne stepped forward, obviously the spokeswoman for the group. Potter… Harry, said the long-haired brunette, blushing heavily, We were wondering if you would… erm… "protect us as well?

Harry’s jaw dropped.

padenfain13

Editor’s Warning: Underage sex (age 14)

Astoria Greengrass wasfrustrated. Despite staying in the luxurious Potter Manor and sleeping in a bed that put both the one at her own home and her fourposter bed at Hogwarts to shame, she was not sleeping well. She would hardly even eat anything and her attitude and responses werebecoming increasingly snappish to everyone she encountered even her own sister and mother. And the source of all of her frustration could be summed up with two words, Harry Potter. Because of him she could hardly concentrate on anything around her. Because of him she could hardly sleep and what little sleep she did get was filled with dreams about him that left her fingers very sore the next morning from the workout she was giving them. And because of his damn heroics and selflessness, he had saved her life twice and stood up for her against bullies countless times since she had started at Hogwarts. And because of all of this she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was hopelessly in love with him. With that thought firmly in place she came to a decision. Gathering up all the courage instilled in her by her true knight, the same courage that had led to her choosing Gryffindor instead of Slytherin, she rose from her bed and scooped up her wand from her nightstand. As she slipped from her room in the dead of night she had one final thought, ‘come whatever may, I’m going tell Harry my feelings for him and give him a reward for all the times he saved me that he’ll never forget’. ‘Of course I’m going to have to do something to ensurehe lets give him his reward and present,’ she thought as she fingered her wand with a slightly evil grin on her face.

Harry Potter was a very pleasant dream. It included all of the girls that he was presently involved with playing a delightful game called ‘who can lick Harry clean the fastest’. It involved covering him with various edible syrups, chocolate, caramel, whip cream, and so on, and then proceeding to do as the name implied. Needless to say he was intending to make this areality as soon as possible. Despite being suitably distracted the training that he had received over the past two years had made him a light sleeper and he was able to hear the slight noise as his bedroomdoor opened. Now normally this wouldn’t have been a problem as he would have assumed that it would have been either Hermione, Daphne, or preferably both of them gracing his bed with their heavenly presencefor a midnight visit. But after he had spent a mind blowing three hours in the shower with them, they had stated that tonight they were going to have a ‘girls’ night only’. Now whether this involved wanton hot and sweaty lesbian sex at its finest that he was missing out on or simply the girls doing each other’s hair and toenailshe didn’t know(although he was very curious about finding out). Tonight however, despite being in as secure a home as possible, heleapt from under the sheets clad only in a pair of boxers, with his wand drawn from its place underneath his pillow, to find nothing but his door slightly ajar.

Damn, maybe Hermione’s right about me becoming too paranoid, he muttered as he turned back to his bed to put his wand up.

His words were proven false however as Petrificus Totalus was whispered into the silence of his bedroom striking him straight in the back. He began to panic slightly as he beganto fall backwards only to be stopped as a pair of very slender and very female arms encircled his waist. He began to relax as he felt one of the hands slip into his boxers to grasp his member and start to stroke it slightly while feeling two very hard nipples poking into his back. He really didn’t know what type of game the girls or girl was playing with this time but he certainly wasn’t going to complain, not that he could right now, as the gentle stroking had brought him very quickly to a full erection that was straining against his boxers. Feeling this as well the hand was removed from boxers and he was then gentle lowered on the bed.

As his head was propped up by a pillow he moved his eyes to get a view of his assailant in the light of the half full moon shiningthrough his window and his eyes widened in surprise at who he saw. Not Hermione or Daphne but Astoria Greengrass standing in frontof him framed in moonlight wearing a very shear white camisole that huggedher body to make it quite obvious that that was all that she had on tonight.

Hi Harry, she said with a slight smile upon her lips. I’m really sorry about doing things this way, because I know how much you hate people trying to control you. But I really needed to talk to you about some important things and I wanted to give you a big thank you gift for that you’ve done for me.

But I know you’d never agree to let me do this on yourown but I promise that after I’m done and told you what I have to say thenI’ll enervate you and never speak to again if that’s what you want.

Harry could see the near desperation on her face and while he was a little ticked at being cursed by her, he was also very curiousabout what she was going to do and say. He began to getsome idea of what she was going to do when she began to pull his boxers off of him allowing his still hard erection to spring up when freed from the annoying garment.

Astoria’s eyes widened as she caught sight of his throbbing member in the cool night air.

Sweet Morgana, she whispered practically in awe. How the hell do they fit that inside of them?

With purpose she moved onto the bed and brought herselfface to face with him only inches apart.

I’m sorry if I’m not any good at this, she said before place a long and sensual kiss on his lips. This is myfirst time to even kiss a boy let alone do anything else.

With that she moved back down to the edge of the bed and took his large shaft in one hand at the base while she licked her lips uncertainly as she stared at Harry’s manhood with both uncertainty and longing in her eyes.

Finally with determination she leaned forward and gave the head of his penis a tentative lick, tasting the slightly salty bit of pre cum that was on the tip. Hearing a muffled but audible groan she looked up to see Harry screwing his eyes shut. Grinning at the reaction that she was getting from the aptly named Green-eyed Sex God she traced her tongue around the head of his member before slowly taking it inch by inch into her mouth as far she could go. Remembering eavesdropping upon her sister about how not to choke she went slow and steady to let herself get used to the size and the very concept of giving a blowjob to quite literary the man of her dreams.

Slowly bobbing her head up and down on Harry’s large member she began to go faster as she listened to the increasing amount of groans coming from Harry and began using the hand still griping the base of his shaft to stroke what she couldn’t fit into her mouth.

Harry was in heaven. ‘Holy Fuck! She’s even better at this than Daphne, I wonder if cocksucking is a genetic trait or something?’ He briefly wondered what their mother, Anastasia Greengrass, would be able to do before he was brought back to reality by the near nirvana inducing ministrations of Astoria Greengrass. Feeling himself nearing his climax his magic was finally able to break the surprisingly powerful body bind and he placed a gentle hand into the blond locks moving up and down on his shaft.

Astoria was barely able to register the fingers in her hair before she felt him tense up as he exploded into her mouth. Swallowing mouthful after mouthful she kept sucking on it until she felt him stop and relax. Taking him out of her mouth she rose up to see Harry propping himself up into a sitting position.

How did you break the body bind? she asked with confusion written on her face.

Harry chuckled. If a person has a strong enough magical core they can even revive on their own from a stunner. I could have done so sooner than that but I was slightly distracted at the time.

Astoria blushed before looking down to see that his penis was already hard again. She blinked.

So that’s why the girls call it Mr. Phoenix™.

Harry let out a laugh causing her to blush again.

Astoria, he said, his voice getting serious. Not that that wasn’t enjoyable because you were very good, but would you mind explaining why you thought it was necessary to hex me in themiddle of the night and I believe that you said you had something to say to me as well.

Astoria shuffled her feet on the carpet, unsure of whatto say now. The fact that Harry was sitting on the bed in front of her completely naked with a full erection wasn’t helping mattervery much either.

I’m sorry, she started with a small voice.

You’ve said already, Harry cut in. Why would you think you had to give me a blowjob as a thank you, or that you needed to give me your thanks at all?

Because this is all your fault, she replied a little snappishly.

My fault, he said confused. What is my fault?

Me, she snapped starting to get a little angry. Because of you saving my life I choose to be in Gryffindor because I got to see what true bravery was. Because of the way you stood up for me against other Gryffindors when they were picking on me and even broke that prat Weasel’s nose I’ve thought of you as my truechampion. And because of all this I can’t get you out of my head.

Umm, ok, he said still confused. But why did you give me a blowjob?

Urrrrggghhh, because I’m in love you with dammit! shepractically yelled at him. Did you really think I would give a blowjob just as thanks? I told you, you’re the first boy I’ve ever even kissed. Besides, after everything that you’ve done for me how could I not be in love with you?

Harry groaned. Astoria, surely witha pretty girl like you there are plenty of guys vying for your attention.

Of course there are, she scoffed. I may not be as pretty as Daphne but I’ve still had boys drooling over me ever since my second year. But how could I ever be with someone else when I compare every guy I meet with you and there is not a single one that can live up to that standard.

Harry was starting to get desperate now and between himbeing naked already and her wearing a nightgown that he could see through,it was becoming increasing difficult to think coherently let alone come upwith a valid excuse that even he didn’t believe.

Astoria, I do care about you, and for the record you are just as beautiful as Daphne, but you’re just too yo…

Young, she cut in. I’m fourteen Harry, and you are only three years older than me, that’s hardly a huge gap. Besides as I recall Daphne was fourteen the first time you took her virginity, so was Hermione, and Susan, and Tracey, and the Patil twins. She gave him a smirk. Do I need to go through your entire betrothal list?

Harry’s mouth was agape. How do youknow about that? No one knows about that except the girls themselves.

She gave a small laugh. My sister is one of those girls in case you forgot, and while girls do gossip there are some things that are kept only between girls and even more so between sisters.

He sighed. Do you really know why you’re doing this?

At this Astoria’s eyes began to tear up and she turned away from him with distraught look upon her face.

If there was one thing that could be considered Harry Potter’s greatest weakness it was that he couldn’t stand by and watch a pretty girl cry, especially if he had been the one to cause her to cry.

He quickly came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Astoria, he whispered softly into her ear. Why are you crying now?

Because you must hate me, she sobbed.

Hate you? I don’t hate you. I told you I care a lot about you.

Do you love me? she asked in small voice, turning around in his arms to look up into his eyes.

He reached up a hand to cup her chin, briefly brushing aside a tear still staining her cheek with thumb before bringing his lips to hers with a gentle kiss.

Yes, he said. Despite whatever hell I may receive from Daph for letting her little sister seduce me, I do love you.

She stepped back with a small smile on her face, reached up and tugged off the shoulder straps of her nearly nonexistent nightgownletting it drop to the floor revealing her nude form. Then make love to me.

Harry couldn’t help but stare in awe and appreciation at her. Sure it wasn’t anything that he hadn’t gotten to see on nearly a daily basis for almost the past three years but watching the moonlight reflect off of her near alabaster skin was absolutely gorgeous. Her light blond hair framed her face perfectly with herpale blue eyes staring at him. She had nearly the same figure as her sister with a slender yet not skinny frame that was nothing but curves all the way down. Her slightly more than modest high B cup sized breasts, tipped with pink nipples, fit her perfectly yetstill had the promise of growing into a mid to high C cup when she reachedher full maturity. Moving his gaze downward he saw her firm, toned, and flat stomach. Going down even further he saw her long slender legs and a small patch of neatly trimmed curly pubichair in the shape of a heart right above her already moist lips.

Getting grooming tips from Tonks, he asked with a grin causing her to blush furiously.

With that he moved in and scooped her into his arms causing her to let out a eep of surprise as he took her over and laid her gently on the bed, drawing her into a long and sensual kiss as he did so that had her moaning into his mouth. Slowly he started to trail light kisses down both sides of her neck while his hands were busy massaging her breasts. Almost smirking at her moaning he steadily moved his way down her body with his mouth reaching her breasts where he circled his tongue around one of her nipples before sucking on it while he was squeezing and pinching the other nipple with his hand. His free hand however was slowly exploring the length of her sensual legs, and as he switched nipples and the placement of his hands he slid his expert fingers up her inner thigh to the already dripping folds of her soonto be womanhood. Astoria immediately let out a gasp as his fingers traced her folds and she felt a shudder go through her body as her back arched and her juices started dripping out of her as she experienced her first orgasm of the night.

She drew in a slightly ragged breath and looked upto see him smirking at her. Damn it Potter, stop torturing me and fuck me already! She tried to glare at him when he started laughing but the effect was slightly ruined by the fact that she was still recovering from her orgasm. What’s so funny, she demanded.

Daphne told me almost exactly the same thing the firsttime we made love, he said as he gently began spreading her legs apart. He stared at her dripping pussy for a moment. ‘Well maybe a little more torture.’ He thought before moving his head in between her legs and giving her slit a long lick eliciting a shriek from Astoria before he began sucking and licking on her clit with abandon. Given how wound up she had been beforeshe even came here it was understandable that in under a minute Harry was enthusiastically lapping up all of the juices spilling out of her pussy as her body shuddered from her second powerful orgasm.

Deciding that she was finally ready the main event he positioned himself at her opening and then began to slowly ease his cock into her tight pussy. Pausing for a second as he reached her barrier he thrust forward taking her virginity and burying his cock to the hilt inside of her with one swift motion. Taking a moment to let her adjust to his size he leaned forward and gently kissed away the few tears that she had shed when he broke her. Seeing her give him a nod to continue he began slowly thrusting in and out her as his hands were busy massaging her breasts and running his fingers throughher hair.

Faster, please dear God, faster, she moaned. Harry was more than happy to oblige. As he increased his tempo, thrusting into herlike crazy, her moans quickly turned to screams of ecstasy with his name and the phrases ‘So big’ and ‘So good’ being the most common things shouted. Finally six orgasms and three minor ejaculations later Harry thrust deep inside of her and unleashed his load and nearly passed out as Astoria’s powerful muscles clamped down on his cock and milked him forall he was worth. Pulling himself out of her with a slight pop he looked up to see that she had passed out from that final orgasm with a blissful smile upon her face. Grapping his from where it had fell on the floor he cast a quick silent scourgify that cleaned himself, Astoria, and the sheets from their extensive love making. Grapping the sheets he crawled back to where Astoria layand pausing only to cast another silent locking charm on his bedroom door,it wouldn’t do to have any unwanted visitors screaming their heads off at them first thing in the morning, he settled next Astoria smiling as she quickly latched onto him in her sleep and pulled the sheets over them. As he too drifted off into blissful sleep he was extremely grateful for the powerful silencing charms in place on the master bedroom of Potter Manor. Neither of them had noticed the small mirrorplaced above the main doorway that had a slight gleam to it even though the moon was not shining on it. They both blissfully unaware as the gleam slowly faded of the audience watching the very good show they had put on.

In another room of the house behind equally powerful silencing and locking charms as those on the master bedroom lay two very beautiful and very naked witches in bed watching an image from a fairly large mirror fade. As the image from the surveillance charm faded the young woman with raven black hair summed the experience they had just watched.

Well holy fuck, Daphne commented as she removed her hand from its place in between her legs, idly letting the brown haired beauty beside her lick her fingers clean. I knew that ‘storia was going to be good but I didn’t expect her to be that good on her firsttime.

Mmmm Hermione murmured as she finished cleaning off Daphne’s fingers. She definitely looked good enough to eat, I’ll have to ask Harry how she tasted or I might just see if she wants me to taste her.

Hermione! she replied with a mock glare. Don’t tell me you’re going to try and seduce my poor little sister with ideas of large female orgies and all the girls practicing on each other so that we can up with new ways to get back at Harry for all of the ‘torture’ he puts us through are you?

Damn straight, if she’s as good as she looked we mightactually have a chance of beating Harry in a round of ‘Who begs first’. Bythe way how did you know that she was going to jump him tonight? Daphne smirked. Because she’s my little sister, I knew she was at her breaking point to where she was either going to jump him or go insane. Suddenly Hermione let out a laughand started giggling.

What’s so funny, Daphne asked. I just had an idea, Hermione replied. With Astoria now in the group it won’t matter which side of the fence that Harry chooses because the grass will always be green.

Daphne looked her giggling lover incredulously for a couple seconds before grabbing a pillow and whacking her in the head with it. Hermione just grinned at her with a predatory look her eye before she pounced on her, and caught her lips in a passionate kiss. It would be much later before either of them got to sleep.

A/N: This is my first foray into HP fanfiction as well as the first lemon I have ever written. I also think that it is the first lemon or even story to feature Astoriaas a main character at all, Yay I have a first something! Would appreciate any feedback and ideas for improvement.

Background info

This is a combination of two of Hellishlord’s oneshots,‘What if’ and ‘Another Harry/Daphne/Hr threesome’ that he did. In this if you couldn’t tell I made Astoria older and had her at eleven and fixing to start at Hogwarts as a first year when he saved her at the World Quidditch Cup.

Surveillance charm- Relatively new invention by Hermione in collaboration with several Ravenclaws and basically most of the girls on the betrothal list. It will allow a charm placed upona small mirror, even one the size of a compact, to relay the image and audio back to the ‘monitor’ mirror, distance is not an issue but I don’t know if it would work say across the ocean. The only downsideis that the ‘watcher’ mirror gives off a slight gleam that can be visible if you know what you are looking for.

Who begs first- This game that consists entirely of foreplay. It involves Harry with no more than three girls at a time taking turns to see who will beg for sex first. Oral sex is allowed and because of this and Harry’s parcelmouth ability hehas only ever lost three rounds in over two years.

KafkaExMachina

Disclaimer: Not mine.[br]A/N: Yeah, I shouldn’t be allowed to think. Anyhow, this hit me while pondering JKR’s announcement that Dumbles was gay… Set during GoF.

What if Dumbledore had full say over the three Tri-Wizard tasks?

…

Harry stood nervously with the other Tri-Wizard champions. He, along with the other three, hadn’t found out a single thing about the first task. Needless to say, they were all quite nervous, especially since their headmasters all ushered them away to a secluded room in Hogwarts before locking the door behind them.

Cedric turned to Harry after looking around the room. It was small, almost uncomfortably so. There were two doors, the one they entered in, and another on the opposite wall. So, do you have any idea what we’re going to have to do?

Harry shook his head before looking at Fleur and Viktor. Fleur shrugged elegantly while Krum glowered helplessly.

Any further conversation was cut off by the sound of the door unlatching. Lucius Malfoy strode confidently into the room, swaggering with his serpent-headed cane in hand. He gazed sternly at the contestants. Follow me, he said as he walked towards the other door. The champions accompanied Lucius as he unlocked the door and entered into the next room.

The confusion amongst the four was palpable as they stared at the piled reams of cloth, the magical tailoring equipment and four long tables with a mannequin (three female, one male) next to each. Lucius regarded the champions. The first task is an elimination challenge. Three champions will continue on, one shall leave in disgrace. The four champions looked at each other helplessly. Malfoy continued. You have forty-eight hours to design a set of dress robes for your models. The theme is ‘Morgana’s apprentice in Winter.’ This challenge tests your ingenuity and taste, as well as your craftsmanship. If you are allowed to continue, your model will wear your robes during the soon-to-be-announced Yule Ball, so your design should allow for rigorous dancing. Malfoy swept his gaze over the four teens. Are there any questions?

Harry tentatively raised his hand. Malfoy cocked an eyebrow at the boy. Yes?

Um… my we know who our models are? He asked.

Malfoy sneered at Harry. And why do you want to know that?

Well, even if the mannequins have our model’s proper measurements, Harry said with a blush, the color and cut of the dress needs to match the skin-tone, hair and eye color as well as the personality of our models.

Lucius’ eyebrows rose as he reappraised his former master’s nemesis. Fleur smiled and nodded at Harry while Cedric and Viktor simply stared at him in disbelief. Harry shrugged. My aunt kept leaving fashion magazines in the loo… The two other blokes winced. Tell me about it, Harry said, shaking his head sadly. Still, I guess it worked out…

With the questions over Harry’s orientation answered, the boys looked back towards Lucius. He regarded the champions thoughtfully for a moment. I will return shortly with an answer. Malfoy swept grandly out of the room, his fine robes flowing aristocratically behind.

Cedric grinned. So, do you think Mr. Malfoy taught Snape the robe thing, or visa versa?

Dunno, Harry said in reply. A better question is which ones on top?

Cedric blanched. I don’t really want to know.

I would ‘ave to say eet would be zee Potions Professor, Fleur answered. Mister Malfoy eez, ‘ow do you say, more tres chic?

I haf much illness from the thought, Krum grumbled unhappily. Harry and Cedric nodded. Ve should think on the no more.

Seconded, Cedric added quickly.

Lucius returned into the room with Cho Chang, Hermione Granger, Roger Davis and an unknown Beauxbatons girl in tow. The judges have decided that your request is valid Mr. Potter. Additionally, they will allow you confer with your model over minor details, so long as the bulk of the design is yours alone. Mr. Diggory, your model is Miss Chang. Cho beamed happily at Cedric, who smiled happily back. Miss Delacour, I believe it goes without saying your model is Mr. Davis. Fleur replied with a very Gallic shrug. Harry and Krum both regarded Hermione, who fidgeted nervously. Malfoy continued on, ignoring the subtle by-play. Miss Devoir, you shall model for Mr. Krum. The brown-haired French girl beamed up at Krum, who glowered before nodding sharply. Harry and Hermione didn’t move. Malfoy rolled his eyes. Please don’t tell me that I need to inform you who your model is, Mr. Potter? Harry shook his head, and gestured towards Hermione. She made her way to his side, worrying her bottom lip. Very well then, you should know who goes to which table from your mannequin’s figure. Malfoy waved his wand and incanted tempus. I will return in four hours to bring you your meals and answer any other questions. You have forty-eight hours. Begin! Once again, he swept grandiosely out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Cedric shook his head and grinned wryly. I think Miss Delacour is right about you-know-what.

Harry grimaced. Didn’t Viktor ask us to drop it? Krum nodded vigorously.

Drop what? Hermione asked.

Nothing! Harry, Cedric and Krum responded as one. Fleur simply shrugged.

I think it eez zomewhat ‘ot. She said.

Hermione’s brow furrowed cutely. Harry, she said, you know I hate being left out of the loop. Harry rolled his eyes and whispered something in her ear. Hermione turned a bit green. Ugh, I could have gone my whole life without that thought, she said. Harry nodded sadly before trying to figure out which table was his.

Hermione rolled her eyes. Honestly Harry, don’t you ever even look? she asked, the tiniest bit of disappointment in her voice.

No? Harry said tentatively.

Hermione grumbled under her breath about stupid blind children and insensitive gits while she stalked over to one of the tables. This one, she said crossly.

What did I do? Harry asked helplessly. Cedric grinned and shook his head, Krum glowered, Cho and Miss Devoir glared at Harry while Fleur chuckled.

Do not worry, ‘ermione. ‘arry’s eez, just a little boy, no? Fleur asked.

Harry frowned before turning to dig through the piles of cloth, grumbling the whole time about how nobody appreciates a gentleman anymore.

…

Back in Little Haggleton, Voldemort’s jaw dropped as he read Barty’s synopsis of the first task. Wormtail read the letter as he fed the homunculus with Nagani’s venom. Voldemort was speechless.

Well Master, Peter said helpfully, if it makes you feel any better, I’d say there’s a pretty good chance Potter won’t get eliminated.

Voldemort stared at his minion incredulously. Are you kidding? He hissed. Have you seen what the boy considers fashionable? His style is so eighties’ ghetto.

Wormtail shrugged helplessly. Still, both James and Lily always had a good eye for color. Maybe Harry inherited a little?

Voldemort narrowed his eyes, pondering the thought. Perhaps, perhaps not. Hopefully the boy gained more than just parcelsmouth through our link. Voldemort smiled, pondering his carefully selected attire, and the hours spent agonizing over the proper cut and color of his Death Eater’s robes.

Lord of Bones

Shrouded in gloom, the small cottage of Godric’s Hollow was quiet. Thelights had been shut off, and the wards surrounding the demesne were up atfull potency; a defense against the dark mage who desired the end the lives of the occupants.

But no man-made ward could stop the cottage’s latest visitor.

Barely five feet outside the cottage, a flash of brilliant purple light heralded the arrival of a tall, violet-haired man dressed in a priest’s robe, a wooden staff capped with a red gem held in one hand. Xellos cheerfully walked through the wards, ignoring the paltry magic that shielded the place as he strode over to the doorway.

He paused as he stood in front of the door. He could simply walk in, but Jou-ou-sama’s ‘request’ had been clear.

No direct confrontations if they are avoidable.

And Xellos was very good at carrying out the Greater Beast’s ‘requests’.

Lazily, he shifted to the Astral Plane, entering the cottage and striding past the main bedroom without awakening the sleeping couple. Before he left for his true destination, the Trickster paused and examined the crimson-haired woman sleeping in the dark-haired man’s arms. There was something eeriely familiar about her… 

If his true form had shoulders, he would’ve shrugged. As it was, he simply moved on to the next room, where he reverted back to the humanoid bodyhe favored. The Beast-Priest examined the walls of the room, noting the wallpaper and the decorations.

Surprisingly calm. As far as baby rooms went, this wasn’t too bad.

At least he hadn’t been nauseated yet.

The Mazoku strode over to the nearby cradle, his feet making no sound as the stepped on the wooden floor. Xellos frowned slightly, giving the sleeping baby a cursory examination. There was nothing odd or out of place with the brat; but… 

The Trickster peered deeper, touching into the child’s very blood. Hiseyes opened in shock.

Great Ruby-Eye, the boy was touched by Jou-ou-sama!

The traces were very faint, but he could tell. The boy could claim lineage to Zelas Metallium herself.

He wondered how it was even possible in the first place, before the doorway burst open.

Get away from my son!

Xellos schooled his features back into the smiling facade before slowly turning around, staff held loosely in his hand. He came face-to-face withthe red-haired woman and the dark-haired man, both of whom were sporting expressions of parental fear and protectiveness, wands held out.

Xellos mulled on how much he missed the sorcerers of the good old daysas he grinned apologetically. Oh dear, did I wake you? Please accept my apologies, it certainly wasn’t my intention to do so.

Taking advantage of the startled look on the couple’s faces, he gave them a more thorough examination. Had things been different, the man could’ve been very proficient at Shamanistic magic; given that his reserves showedthat he was capable of a Ra Tilt.

Not that it would’ve harmed him, of course.

The woman, on the other hand… now he could recognize why she seemed so familiar.

Her face bore an eerie resemblance to his Mistress’s own. Well, at least he knew where the still-sleeping boy got it from.

Who are you? snarled the man. What do you want with our son?!

The General-Priest smiled as bowed flamboyantly. I am the Mysterious Priest, Xellos! he stated cheerfully. As for what I want with your son… what I want with him is… 

Is what?!

Is a secret! he smiled happily. Before I depart, Mr. James, Miss Lily; a few words of advice… 

The couple stared at him suspiciously. Out of the corner of his eye, Xellos noted Lily’s eyes unconciously become slitted.

Like his own.

Like Jou-ou-sama’s.

I suggest moving back to your manor, you never know what sort of… uninvited guests might turn up. I’d also suggest keeping a certain rat and white bumblebee at arm’s length, but that’s just a roguish priests’s suspicions.

He smirked at the couple’s uncertain expressions. Don’t worry Mr. James, Miss. Lily. I’ll be seeing you again soon enough. Toodles!

With that, Zelas’s most trusted servant was gone.

Lord of Bones

A/N: Would you believe I found the complete unbetaed version hidden inmy HD? Huh…

A sweep of billowing black robes and the soft ‘thud’ of a closing portrait entrance heralded the arrival of Professor Severus Snape in the Slytherin Common Room. The dark professor examined the quiet roomsuspiciously, noting that nothing seemed out of the ordinary, despite the Seventh Year girls complaining about ‘noises’ from the Sixth Year Girls’ Dorm. Everything seemed fine.

Except for the large lump on the couch.

Snape blinked. What on earth? he muttered, his stepstaking him to the large green sofa and its blanketed inhabitant. He grabbed hold of the ratty, tattered quilt and slowly pulled it away from the bundle, revealing a very familiar face. The hook-nosed man shuddered and quickly tugged the quilt back over the exposed face, holding back the urge to yelp in un-masculine horror.

The sight of Millicent Bulstrode’s unadorned face could do that to anyone. Bereft of its usual makeup, the girl’s vaguely simian features were… unpleasant, to say the least.

That solves one problem, at least, muttered the greasy-haired man, turning around and making his way back to the open portrait.Those ‘noises’ were obviously just Bulstrode’s dormmates finally getting rid of her. Shaking his head, Snape was about to walk out of the Common Roomwhen something struck him as being slightly off.

Didn’t he close the portrait before entering?

The rustle of a cloak caught Snape’s attention. The Potions Master whirled around, pinpointing the source of the sound as coming from the general direction of the Girls’ Dorms. Eyes narrowed, the wizard stalked up the stairs. He may not have been able to enter the dorms themselves, but he had other ways of finding out what was going on. He stopped at the sixth year dorms and tapped the wall with his wand, turning it into a one-way viewing screen.

His jaw dropped.

_____________________________________________________________

Harry breathed out a relieved sigh as he snuck into the dormitory, adrenaline coursing through his veins. Sneaking past Snape’s oversized nose had been dangerous, and somewhat exciting as well, he had to admit. Still, the reward was far greater than the risk.

Speaking of risks, Harry appraised the three girls whostill hadn’t noticed his presence. While he had frequently been very… intimate with them, there were times when he just liked to stand back and enjoy the view.

Boy, was he enjoying the view.

Harry’s eyes raked across Pansy’s form, ogling the lush body covered only by a white, mid-thigh length nightgown. The short-haired brunette arched her back in a stretch, the near-transparent material of her nightdress stretching across proud, dark-nippled breasts. The Gryffindordragged his gaze from his Slytherin lover’s chest down to the apex of her thighs, where a tight triangle of dark curls was barely visible, and to her shapely legs. He brought his gaze back to her pixie-like face, framed by dark, neck-length hair.

Across from Pansy’s bed, Daphne yawned, bringing Harry’s attention to her. The blue-eyed young woman’s dark hair fell to mid-shoulder, her elegant form encased in a short sleeping-robe. The witch’s breathing did wonderful things to her breasts, Harry observed, gleefully noting the way Daphne’s already erect nipples protruded throughher choice of clothing. His gaze fell from his lover’s chest to the obscured strip of dark curls, down to her amazing legs.

Lying on her stomach next to Daphne’s bed and clad only in a white shirt was a still-alert Tracey. The blonde’s ponytail was swept to the side of her neck, revealing a strip of creamy skin (from experience, he knew how sensitive Tracey’s neck was). Harry raked hisgaze down the arch of her back, pausing at the blonde’s firm arse and resisting the urge to give it a playful smack. Grinning to himself, Harry bent down and pressed his lips to Tracey’s neck, sucking gently on the pale skin.

The blonde yelped in surprise as her unseen lover nipped on her sensitive neck, drawing surprised looks from her dormmates. Harrytugged off his Invisibility Cloak, smiling down on the wide-eyed Slytherin.

Hi! he said cheerfully.

Tracey mock-glared at him. You’re late! she sniffed,her grey eyes meeting Harry’s green defiantly.

After we go through all the trouble of kicking Bulstrode out each night, you could show a little more… appreciation, breathed Pansy into his ear as she looped her arms around his waist, pressingher breasts against his back.

Daphne perched herself on the side of Tracey’s bed. That wouldn’t be so difficult, would it? she purred, arching as Harry’s hand stroked her side possessively.

Th Boy-Who-Lived smirked, saying nothing as he dipped down to press his lips against Tracey’s neck. The blonde moaned as Harry licked his way up the curve of her neck before quickly flipping her over and moving in for a kiss. She met his lips hungrily, tugging at the lower lip with her teeth and sucking it, feeling his hands snake up under her shirt and cup her perky breasts. The Slytherin released her lover’s lip, arching her neck as Harry moved south.

He nipped the junction of her neck, biting down slightly to leave a reddish mark. Harry lapped at the spot, tasting the slim blonde’s cool skin, before moving further down and capturing a covered nipple in his mouth. He tugged at the pink bud with his teeth, alternating between sucks and bites as Tracey’s yelps of surprised delight echoed in the cool room. Harry gently kneaded the girl’s unattended breast, trapping a nipple between two fingers and tugging. He alternated between her breasts, finally giving her right orb a playful bite before moving on. Daphne and Pansy pounced, pulling off the blonde’s shirt and fixing their mouths to her bare breasts.

Tracey whimpered.

Harry lapped his way down Tracey’s body, finally coming to a halt between the girl’s legs. He pulled off his glasses and settled his head against her bare thigh, enjoying the view in front of him. Tracey’s bare pussy, crowned with a tuft of sleek gold curls, was already drippingwet. Harry smiled and let his finger run along the length of the ponytailed girl’s damp slit, hearing her cry out his name.

Harry dove in.

With practiced skill, Harry stabbed his tongue into Tracey’s steaming twat, licking and lapping away at the blonde’s tight heat. He drove one, and then two, fingers into her, relishing her moans and criesas he ate her out. He broke away from her pussy to suck at her erect clit,slightly grazing it with his teeth. Harry added another finger into Tracey’s pussy, quickening the tempo of his strokes into her quivering quim. He was rewarded by the rhythmic contraction of her inner muscles as Tracey’s release covered his hand.

Tracey shrieked as Harry renewed his assault on her pussy, only to be muffled by Pansy as the short-haired brunette straddled herface. The dark-haired Slytherin tangled her fingers into Tracey’s locks, moaning as the grey-eyed girl grabbed her arse and dove in, moaning and yelping as she ate out the brunette. Next to her, Daphne writhed as her fingersteased her aching hole, mewling out while watching the erotic sight in front of her.

Harry sealed his mouth over Tracey’s dripping entrance, diving in with tongue and fingers as the blonde’s legs wrapped around hisneck. The wizard gently massaged the witch’s quivering thigh, sensing the slim beauty’s second orgasm — unsurprising, considering her hypersensitivity. He licked the length of her netherlips languidly, tasting the remnants of her previous orgasm while lightly pinching her erect clit. A few lazy flicks of his tongue and a little Parselmagic sent Tracey over the edge, her muffled scream his only warning as her juices flooded his mouth. Harry drankher release greedily, tenderly massaging the whimpering witch’s thigh. Satisfied with work well done, Harry stood up, desperate to alleviate the achein his boxers.

Daphne sidled over to the standing young man, lifting his hand and cleaning his wet fingers. She savored the taste of her friend’s release, smirking inwardly at their mutual lover’s groan. She let his saliva-slick fingers fall from her mouth before cradling Harry’s face and gently kissing him, tasting Tracey’s juices in his mouth. She moaned into his mouth when Harry’s hand tangled in her raven tresses and crushed her againsthim, vigorously plundering her mouth before breaking away. The dark-hairedyoung woman’s hands undid Harry’s belt and unbuttoned his jeans, diving into massage the pulsing erection trapped in his boxers.

Harry hissed as Daphne slowly pulled down his boxers, releasing his throbbing cock. The witch’s cool hand gently stroked the length of Harry’s massive cock, cooing as the thick meat pulsed in tune with his heartbeat. Her tongue flicked across the bare purple head of Harry’s erection while her free hand was gently massaging his ballsack. Making sure to maintain eye-contact, Daphne took the entire thing into her hot mouth inch by inch, until she was deepthroating the Gryffindor’s entire dick. She bobbed her head on her lover’s member for a few moments, slickening the erection with her saliva. Regretfully, she let him slip out of her mouthbefore positioning him at Tracey’s entrance.

Tracey’s eyes widened as Harry’s hot cockhead touched her pussy, the large organ being used to slide along the length of her twat. She wailed into Pansy’s dripping quim as Harry sheathed himself in her with a single thrust, burying himself to the hilt. Tracey struggled to concentrate on the brunette straddling her face as Harry slammed his hips into hers over and over again.

Harry leaned forward and buried his face in a moaning Pansy’s neck, lapping at the Slytherin’s flushed skin. He nuzzled the dark-haired teen’s fair skin, his free hand looping around Daphne’s curvy waist as his fingers buried themselves in the girl’s dripping quim. Harry’s left hand held firm to Tracey’s thigh, holding himself in place as he relentlessly slammed his powerful cock into her twat, making sure to grind himself into her with every thrust. The wizard groaned into Pansy’s neck, feeling Tracey’s tight channel constrict powerfully around his member. The blonde’s hips lifted off the bed as her third — and most powerful — orgasm surged through her body, screeching with pleasure into Pansy’s orgasming pussy as she felt Harry’s rapidly swelling cock pound into her clenching tunnel.

With a final roar, Harry came, releasing burst after burst of white-hot spunk just as Daphne cried out HARRY! and coated his fingers with her juices. Tracey’s pussy eagerly milked Harry’s throbbing dick, feeling each strong jet blast into her (thankfully protected) womb. With a hiss, Harry slipped himself out of the exhausted witch’s twat, his still-erect cock twitching in the room’s cold atmosphere. Tracey let out a whimper of loss, just as Pansy unstraddled her face. She yawned sleepily, smiling as the heat of Harry’s release surged through her lower abdomen.

That is, until Daphne, who had recovered from the effects of her orgasm, slipped between the blonde’s legs. Tracey let out a whimper of protest as the brunette’s eager tongue lapped her blonde friend’s hole, swallowing the hot white cum that was still leaking out of Tracey’s freshly-fucked pussy.

Pansy, on the hand, was happily cleaning Harry’s cock,tasting the mixed releases of both Harry and Tracey on the hot organ. The Boy-Who-Lived stroked his secret lover’s dark hair appreciatively, slowly bucking his hips into Pansy’s talented mouth. The brunette swirled her tongue around the messy-haired young man’s thick meat lovingly, sucking contentedly on the erect organ.

As much as he loved to cum in Pansy’s mouth, Harry hadother plans. He eased himself out of her appreciative mouth, drawing a surprised look from the girl. Lay back, love, he murmured.

Pansy got the hint. The brunette lay back on the bed, spreading her long legs welcomingly while teasing her dark nipples with red-nailed hands.

Harry settled between Pansy’s thighs and slowly spreadopen her pussy-lips with the head of his cock, slowly pushing in his impressive length. He knew from experience that while Tracy liked it hard and fast, Pansy preferred to take her time. He kissed her hungrily, feeling the wet heat of her tight pussy wrap around his member snugly. Breaking off with an affectionate nip to her lower lip, Harry lifted the flexible witch’s right leg and let it rest on his shoulder, her left instinctually wrapping around the small of his back.

Harry built up momentum as Pansy writhed and whimperedunderneath him, slamming his thick cock into the brunette’s overheated twat with every twitch of his hips. He bent down to capture one of the girl’s bouncing breasts with his mouth, laving at the dark teat with his tongue. Pansy’s nails dug into his back, drawing blood and a hiss from the wizard. The wet ‘smack’ of flesh meeting flesh echoed in the room, as a contented Daphne pillowed her head on Tracey’s thigh, watching the two lovers through half-lidded eyes while teasing her own moist entrance.

Harry broke off from Pansy’s delectable breast with a final hard suck, burying his face in the curve of her neck. The witch moaned out her lover’s name as his balls slapped against her firm arse, drenching his cock and upper thighs with her juices. With a final, high-pitched moan, Pansy came, her inner muscles massaging Harry’s pounding dick and coaxing his own orgasm.

Harry bellowed into her neck, his cock swelling in anticipation as his thrusts became more erratic. Molten semen flooded Pansy’s pussy, drawn out by the short-haired beauty’s tight muscles as a delighted groan escaped her. Harry let his pulsing dick slip out, the last few spurtslanding on the girl’s flat stomach and mingling with her trimmed pubic curls. He pressed his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. Pansy’s sleepysmirk preceded a brief kiss to Harry’s lips, the wizard collapsing betweenher and Tracey.

Only for Daphne to pounce. The horny Slytherin caught Harry’s semi-hard, still-moist cock between her lips, suckling on the purple crown gently before following up with shallow bobs of her head, tasting the remnants of Harry’s cum and Pansy’s juices. The talented witch felt her lover’s erection swelling to life again, pressing against the back of her throat. She let his saliva-slickened manhood out of her mouth, a thin line of spittle connecting the head to her lips.

Harry grinned down at her, arching an eyebrow. The sultry beauty rose over him, straddling his hips. She held his pulsing erection in one cool hand, stroking it slightly while rubbing the bulbous head along her drenched pussy. Slowly, she slid down on him, feeling his hands on her hips as he guided her descent. Daphne let out a quiet mewl when she finally felt her hips meet his, relishing the sensation of his cock completely filling her.

Harry’s hands came up to cup Daphne’s ample breasts, massaging the firm mounds as the raven-tressed woman began to bounce on his cock. The Boy-Who-Lived responded with a thrust of his hips with every downward bounce, drawing delighted wails from her. He sat up and engulfed her in an embrace, thrusting into the brunette’s tight pussy as he nuzzled and suckled at her neck lovingly. Daphne directed his head lower, squealing as his hot mouth fastened over a pink nipple, his hand busy playing with another. Her legs wrapped around the small of his back as she urged him on.

Daphne bared her throat submissively when Harry pulledaway from her glistening breast, offering her neck to him. He fastened hismouth to her collarbone, marking her with a playful bite before suckling at the warm skin. His balls tightened in anticipation, already feeling the powerful constrictions of the brunette beauty’s tight pussy.

Without warning, he pinched her clit softly.

Daphne screamed his name, her juices drenching his pistoning erection as her most powerful orgasm yet surged through. Harry shuddered into her neck in response, his cock firing rounds of white-hot cum into the girl’s receptive twat with each thrust. They collapsed on the bed, Daphne on top of Harry.

Harry sighed as he felt Daphne kiss his chin before tucking her head under it, reveling in the sensation of her lush body againsthis wiry frame. Tracey and Pansy snuggled up to his sides, their cool hands lightly grasping his arms as they pressed their chests against Harry.

Exhausted and sated, Harry finally let himself fall asleep after hearing his girls’ breathing even out. Surrounded by the warmth of his loved ones, Harry’s eyes finally closed.

Professor Snape strode out of the Slytherin Common Room, a scowl etched on his features. He winced as the tightness in his groin refused to recede, his mind awhirl with curses and memories.

Like father, like son, he muttered, remembering the infamous James Potter-Lily Potter-Narcissa Malfoy threesome.

Snape’s groin tightened further. He winced again.

Fucking Potters.

Cypher3au

Beltane is such an underused celebration in Harry Potter fanfiction; an old Celtic fire ritual whereeveryone parties, and the customary standards of social behavior are relaxed. For some time, during that night, even wedding vows were considered temporarily suspended.

I had fun with the idea.

It had been more than eight years since Victoire had properly celebrated Beltane, what with the day beinglocated firmly within the Hogwarts school year. Sure, she’d danced around a Maypole with the other students, and partaken of the butterbeer the teachers generously supplied, but the faculty kept a firmer eye on their charges than usual and curfew was strictly enforced on a night where a little naked frolicking was traditional, even expected in some places.

Beltane with the Weasley family was far more fun. There was laughing and merryment and food aplenty, with bonfires and a Maypole to dance around, and a huge cask of warm mead to quench any thirst. And not a teacher around!

Victoire had been delighted tohave been crowned as the party’s May Queen, even though certain activitiesshe’d conducted with Teddy had rendered her technically ineligible to playthe part. Some of the other guests clearly suspected as such; when she’d been dragged away by her mother and appropriately dressed in a thin white shift and a shining tiara, she’d returned to the festivities to find her boyfriend luridly green-skinned and with little antlers growing fromhis head, with her father squeezing the young wizard in a mostly good-natured headlock.

Soon after nightfall the children too young for Hogwarts had been sent to bed, and the celebration escalated. A few additional ingredients were mixed into the mead, and most of the Weasley men and a few others stripped down to their skin and began dancing around and leaping over the smaller fires. More and more mead was consumed, and through the slightly foggy haze of her thoughts, Victoire found it odd how much the guests were laughing, leaning or slumping all over each other as they tried or failed to keep their balance. As more and more redheads and men conked out, snoring loudly, more and more women left briefly before returning in their own skimpy shifts; pristinely white but universally ripped provocatively. Some women who hadn’t even been at the party earlier chose that time to arrive, similarly attired and eyeing the May Queen approvingly.

By the time the last man hit the ground, the young veela was surrounded by witches, most of whom she recognised, if not knew, some of them she’d only seen photos of in Hogwarts yearbooks, one or two she could have sworn was supposed to be dead, and all of them beautiful and barely dressed in their torn garments. The confused and slightly tipsy Victoire was gently passed around the circle of women, who each took their time examining the blonde up close and very personally. Slender fingers pinched her chin, turning her head this way and that, or ran through her silvery hair or across her skin, admiring the silkyness of both. Soft hands slid up under the knee-length garment and stroked her thighs, or slid through the wide arm holes and cupped her breasts, gently teasing her nipples to hardness. A gorgeous, thoughunfamiliar redheaded woman with hauntingly familiar emerald eyes slid several fingers between the girls lips, laughing softly as the May Queen suckeddutifully on the digits before withdrawing her slick fingers and guiding the girl to an eagerly grinning pinkette whose shredded shift left her naked beneath her breasts.

Eventually, Victoire found herself in her mother’s arms, and the older veela hugged her daughter briefly before accepting a mug from her younger sister. Pressing the stein of warm mead to her oldest child’s lips, Fleur smiled as the young womanslowly, dutifully gulped down the entire thing. Heat flooded the Weasley girl’s slender frame, pooling in her nethers in a way that had her blushing prettily as she was led to the edge of the forest nearthe party grounds. A kiss on the cheek and a gentle nudge from her mother and a light swat on the backside from her Aunt Gabrielle sent her several feet into the moonlit woods, and a curious glance back earned the blue-eyed blonde a few encouraging smiles and nods and shooing motions from the crowd of grinning witches.

Emboldened, Victoire turned and strode barefoot into the woods.

==========

Somewhat more clear-headed anda little less bold after half an hour of walking, Victoire wondered, not for the first time, just what she was supposed to be doing out in the forest. Though not clearly marked, or even blatantly well travelled, the path she was travelling had thoughtfully been cleared of anything that bare feet might find disagreeable. The night was warm and well-lit beneath a star-filled sky, so Victoire was not uncomfortable on her walk, and her curiosity was all it took to pull her further up the path.

Eventually, the fresh out of Hogwarts veela found herself standing on the edge of a small lake, perhapes twice the size of the Great Hall of her Alma Mater. In the centre of this lake, across a path of stepping stones, lay a tiny, tree-covered island. Hesitating for only an instant, Victoire carefully crossed the makeshit bridge and tip-toed onto the island, some instinct encouraging her tobe as silent as possible. Inching closer to the centre of the island, the blonde spotted something hidden behind the trees… something large. Stepping closer and squeezing between two trees, she finally got a good look at it, and gasped in suprise.

It was a throne.

A vast wooden throne seeminglygrowing out of the ground, and upon that throne was an equally intimidating figure. Tall, powerfully muscular, with skin a dark yet vibrant green and a mass of shiny, almost black leaves tumbling down past his neck where his hair should be. Atop his brow, above slowly opening emerald eyes, sat a wooden crown set with a single black stone, and rising from his head was a magnificent rack of antlers.

But that wasn’t exactly why Victoire gasped.

The man was unashamedly naked on his throne, and resting limp between his thighs was the largest phallus the inexperienced witch had ever set eyes on. A tensing of the muscles in the mans legs was barely noticed, and Victoire stumbled backand tripped, landing firmly on her rear when the green man rose from his throne with a noise much like the groaning of a tree bending in the wind. With powerful strides the jade figure crossed the short distance between the two, until he was standing over the young woman, eyeing her witha distinctly unimpressed expression. So… you are the May Queen this Beltane?

Blinking and finally meeting the figure’s eyes, Victoire took a second to understand what he was saying before realising the implicationsof a green, antlered man standing naked before the May Queen. This… God of a man… was to be her CONSORT. Scrambling to her feet, the witch brushed herself off self-conciously even as she nodded eagerly.

The Green Man frowned. … you are not a maiden.

The veela froze at that blunt statement before hesitantly speaking up. Um… no, not really.

Leaning forward, the foot-taller May King sniffed her hair once, before running his tongue along her cheek, then leaning back, savouring her taste. … your flesh is still sweet. You are not a maiden, but you are not a woman, either; you have not yet been with a man.

Victoire winced, rubbing her wet cheek absently before deciding to come clean. I… kinda have… slept with a guy, that is… sir.

The Green Man laughed, a greatbooming sound. You have lain with a BOY, not a man, and are thus still just a girl. He grinned amusedly at the flustered witch. If you wish to become a woman this Beltane, I will be happy to oblige you, girl… so long as you can rouse my interest.

The blonde stared blankly at the muscular figure for along second, before slowly sliding down his body tohis still-soft manhood. Victoire felt a brief flash of annoyance, mostly at herself for being almost dripping wet while this god stood before her unaffected by her beauty, before she stifled the feeling and pushed a little magic into enhacing the veela allure that emanated from her at all times. Her flesh began softly glowing, her eyes were luminous and her hair wafted gently in an absent breeze.

Unaffected by her efforts, hersupposed consort smirked. Try again, littlegirl.

Her eyes and skin fading back to normal, Victoire huffed, before throwing propriety to the wind and kneeling at the Green Man’s feet. Aggravation lending her courage, Victoire wrapped first one, then both of her slender hands around his heavy, hot shaft, before slowly beginning a rythmic jerking motion. After several long minute of jacking off that almost smoldering flesh, with no reaction beyond the occasional twitching, the veela decided to step up her gamea bit.

The emerald figure’s eyebrows rose beneath his crown as the slender girl wrapped her full lips around the tip of his cock, sucking tentatively. The slow rise of his manhood encouraged her, but could honestly be attributed mostly to memories of the girl’s mother and veela aunt being in the same position, and the triumphant expressions on both of their flushed faces as they managed to deep-throat his entire length for the first time. Idly running his fingers through her silvery hair, he wondered how long it would take her to reach that same milestone. Not bad, girl; I’m halfwayhard. Got any more ideas in mind?

Growling around her lover’s flesh, Victoire pulled her lips away from his meat, using her own saliva as lubricant to stroke him off with one hand as she attacked his balls with hermouth, sucking and slurping enthusiastically on the heavy orbs as she wracked her brain for more tricks.

Breathing a little more deeplynow than when she started, the Green Man blinked as his young Queen froze,then winced as she began smiling around a mouthful of tender flesh. Teeth, girl. Thankfully she backed away from his tender equipment, but she grinned widely, biting her lip as she reached between her legs with one hand and began stroking her own damp femininity.

Victoire stood slowly, runningher tongue from the base to the tip of the Green Man’s quasi-hard erectionas she did so, before standing upright and licking her lips. Hmm… you taste good, Your Highness…  She traced her now-damp fingers across her lover’s dark lips, coating them with her wetness. … but howdo I taste?

A powerful hand caught the girl’s own slender appendage, holding it steady as the Green Man licked it clean, fully aware of his now painfully erect cock. Delicious…  He answered. … just like your mother. Ignoring her startled expression, the May King picked up the young witch unceremoniously and carried her to his throne before dumping her gently into his seat, spreading her unresisting legs wide until they were each hooked over an armrest. The Green Man took a second to tear the girl’s shift open from the bottom to just aboveher belly-button, fully exposing her lower half, before burying his face between her smooth thighs.

The young veela bucked in her seat, clawing at the throne as her consort’s thick tongue eagerly wormed it’s way into her body. Oh, GOD!

Chuckling, the man began putting to use the full breadth of skill that countless hours of pleasuring numerous women had afforded him, lashing at her tender flesh with his tongue.

She howled and hollared as if being tortured, grabbing at his antlers and pushed him this way and that, trying to intensify the sensations, but was unable to wrest control of the pace from her lover.

He tormented her young body athis own pace, and more than once her brought her to the crest of orgasm, only to ease her back down without release. It was only when her voice was starting to get hoarse, when her breasts were covered in red marks from where she savagely kneaded them, when tears were trickling down her sweaty face and her whole body was shivering with tension that the May Kinggave her the release she weakly begged for. Launguidly twisting his tongue in her juicy littletwat, the Green Man smirked internally and pushed a single thick finger into her tight backside. Her resulting orgasmic shriek was, in a word, piercing; the man counted himself lucky that his hearing was being muffled by her legs being wrapped around his head.

After almost half a minute of wailing, thrashing, toe curling, hair pulling ecstasy, Victoire collapsed bonelessly against the throne, panting heavily with her eyes rolled back in her head.

Grinning ferally, the Green Man rose to his feet between the slender witch’s still widespread legs, stroking his still hard erection a few times before pressing the swollen tip against the entrance to the twitching veela’s hot little body. The man waited until the girl had recovered enough to stare wide-eyed down at the huge, dark-green erection poised to stuff her twat to capacity, before shoving fully half of said erection into the aforementioned twat in one slow, hard thrust.

Victoire’s resulting wail was almost as loud as her orgasmic cries had been.

Taking a moment to savour the freshly-stretched pussy fluttering helplessly around his cock, the Green Man slowly recovered his bearings, withdrawing from the veela’s body until just the head of his dick remained inside of her, before grinding back into her body. He plunged as deep as before plus another inch before coming to a halt as she wailed again, a little higher in pitch and quieter in volume. This motion was repeated, again and again, until the May Queen was finally, with a barely audible squeek, completely stuffed with her consort’s cock.

Wide-eyed and open-mouthed, the sweaty veela gaped stupidly up at the huge man grinning down at her,standing over her and filling her up completely. Somewhere in the back of her mind, a girlish voice gibbered about sex with Teddy not being like this, before another older, nastier voice responded by saying that Teddy was just a boy, not a man… or even better; a green man. But those voices were drowned out by one last voice that filled the rest of her conscious mind and grabbed control of her tongue. F-fuck me!

The Green Man eagerly obliged,and was equally accomodating to commands like ‘faster’, ‘harder’, ‘more’, and the like. Even after the requests stopped coming, the Green Man heroically kept up the pace he’d been set, fucking the Weasley girl through orgasm after orgasm until he could deny his own needs no more, slamming himself to the hilt inside her no-doubt aching pussy and ejaculating with a roar of relieved release, his copious seed filling her body even as she scratched weakly at his back with one final orgasm before passing out.

The antlered male allowed himself a minute to relax on top of and inside the witch, before straightening up with a sigh and stepping back, giving the girl a quick look-over as he rummaged around in the invisible cloak hanging on the throne for his elder-wood wand. The girl was a mess, to be honest, and would need at least a couple of hours rest before they could start up again.

Shaking his head, bemused, Harry finally found the wand and with it vanished the antlers from his head before turning his back on that year’s May Queen, making a path through the closely-packed ring of trees with another lazy wave. Stepping outinto the starlight, he was immediately accosted by a naked pair of veela sisters, the older of whom was kind enough to hand him a drink, whilst the younger did everything in her power to squeeze past the wizard to the thronebeyond. The still green-skinned wizard gratefully took a swig of thebutterbeer before addressing the older of the two women. I really hope you ladies remembered to slip her the birth-control potions.

Fleur rolled her eyes. Of course we did, ‘arry; I have no interest in being a grandmother just yet, thank-you very much.

Ignoring the conversation, Gabrielle pouted hopefully. Harry, can I please…  She trailed off meaningfully.

Snorting, Harry stepped aside and let the younger veela shoot past him and into the ‘Throne Room’, and began chuckling as Fleur gasped and dove after her sibling.

Gabby, stop that right now; that’s your niece, in case you’ve forgotten!

Don’t care!

Shaking his head, harry took another sip of his drink and gazed out over the lake, where the rest of the former May Queen’s were doing their own thing. A few were simply relaxing in the water, others were playing or talking amongst themselves or even making out. Most were still dressed in the ruined ‘ceremonial garb’ they’d worn their year, while others had already stripped down.

And before the, from their perspective, very long Beltane night was over, he was going to fuck each and every single one of them all over again.

Numerous times.

As he drained the rest of the bottle, his eyes found and roamed over the fantastic backside of one Angelina Weasley, damp and gleaming like polished obsidian in the moonlight as she conversed with her fellow Chasers and May Queens, Alicia and Katie. His appreciation did not go unnoticed, and by the time he’d set his empty bottle aside and began wading through the lake to reach the trio,all three of them were grinning at him eagerly.

’It’s good to be King.’

==========

MWAH HA HAA!!!

KafkaExMachina

Hermione first noticed something was wrong on the Hogwarts Express. She was worried that Harry would be depressed over the death of his godfather, yes, but not this. She glanced nervously at Harry. His face still held that smile. Not a contented smile, or a smirk, or a grin, or a sublime beam of transcendental happiness.

It was a contorted rictus of a smile, a grotesque parody of a facial expression, a flag bearer of madness.

Harry, Hermione asked, is everything alright?

Harry’s eyes focused on her, but his expression didn’t change. Of course it is, Hermione. Can’t you see I’m smiling.

Hermione tried to return his smile, but her face faltered. I… I suppose so, she dithered. So… why are you smiling?

Because I’m in love, Harry replied before sighing wistfully. Because I’m in love.

Hermione wanted to say more, but her prefect duties called.

…

Time showed Hermione the second sign. Harry never stopped smiling. Not for the feast, not for Ron, not for Snape. The days passed into weeks, and Harry’s face never changed.

…

Harry, Hermione asked later, who are you in love with? You never told me.

Harry winked, the horrid expression growing more demented and gleeful. That, my dear, is a surprise, a lovely joke on the world. His green eyes stared at her, through her, sharing some unfathomable secret.

Hermione shuddered, half in fear, half in something unknowable.

…

The night before her birthday, an owl tapped at her window. It was a festive thing, all green and white. It dropped a package, which quickly expanded into a box. Tentatively, Hermione opened the box.

A clown-face greeted her. She picked up the festive card. Underneath the card was a book, old and bound in leather. The faded words ‘The King in Yellow’ graced the front. She opened the card, curiosity warring with trepidation.

‘It’s not much,’ the choppy ill-wrought letters on the card read, ‘but maybe you’ll understand why I’m smiling. Happy Birthday, Hermione.’ The card wasn’t signed.

Hermione smiled happily to herself. The handwriting was a signature of its own.

She settled down to read the gift. It was a play, a tragedy, a Greek comedy. The words wriggled into her mind like boring worms, and her eyes danced in the moonlight.

…

The third sign something was horribly right arrived at her window on her birthday. She shared secret smiles with Harry all day, her mind wrapped about the faded words that writhed against her understanding.

Harry’s face wasn’t grotesque anymore. It was beautiful, and she sighed.

She opened the package. Inside another clown-faced card greeted her, and she read the words within.

‘I’m no Van Gogh, but still I must show you how I care.’ She giggled before looking into the package.

There, still coated in fresh blood, seeming to squirm under her gaze, was a long strip of flesh with a tell-tale scar engraved.

Hermione cooed, and stroked her new pet.

‘Harry loves me,’ she thought while absently tracing the lightning bolt with her finger.

…

Hermione swished her wand about, summoning brightly colored canaries. She wasn’t crying, but tears welled in her eyes and her smile split her face. Harry entered the empty room and sat down next to her. He squeezed her shoulder.

Why, my sweet retort, are you so angry? Harry asked.

I’m not angry, Hermione replied in a sing-song voice. I’m not angry. I’m sad, so sad, because he doesn’t get the joke.

Unfortunately, ‘Won-won’ chose that moment to open the door, Lavender clutching tightly to his side.

Oi! You two alright in there? Ron asked happily.

Hermione flicked her wand, letting her little helpers free to feast. The dove after Ron, sharp beaks tearing divots of flesh from his body. He screamed and ran, arms flailing wildly against the pastel onslaught.

Harry chuckled and squeezed her against him.

I want, Hermione mused, to wear his head as a hat.

What my pumpkin wants, my pumpkin gets.

…

That night, Harry stood over Ron’s bed with an axe. Ron woke up, and blinked blearily at his jovial friend.

Oi, Harry, what’re ya doing? Ron asked, shocked at the sight.

I’m going to cut off your head, Harry said with a chuckled. Isn’t that grand?

Ron chuckled. Heh, yeah. You’re such a joker, mate.

Harry nodded. So true! So true! The axe fell, and blood splattered about the hangings.

…

Hermione beamed as she walked to her DADA class. She loved her new hat, a tasteful little number with a screaming weasel on top.

Once more, professor, and this time with feeling! Crucio!

Hermione cocked her head to the side and listened to the agonized screams of one Severus Snape. She pouted.

Harry! You started class early.

…

Dumbledore choked and coughed up blood. The poison was wending its way through his system with deliberate artistry. Limb paralysis was first, followed by searing agony. Hermione giggled and nuzzled her head into Harry, so very proud of him.

He’d get an O on his Potions NEWT for sure!

Why? Dumbledore gasped out, My dear boy why?

Harry laughed. Hermione sighed against his side.

Why not? Some jokes, old friend, don’t have a punch-line. Hermione nipped on Harry’s neck, tasting him. Harry laughed gleefully as he watched the Headmaster convulse, the old man’s skin cracking like mud under the sun, bright pastel ichor flowing from transfigured innards. He cocked his head to the side. You don’t think it’s funny? He asked absently, tapping his finger against his lip. Oh dear, I guess it’s one of those ‘you had to be there’ things, isn’t it?

The weasel on Hermione’s hat roared.

Yes, that must be it. Toodles, Albus, there’s a bright beautiful world out there, and it’s calling me!

Needs more, but it’s a Joker!Harry origin short-fic.

Lord of Bones

This started off serious, then it got away from me and became somewhatfluffy. OOC-ness.

Harry buried his cock in her tight pussy wih one stroke, drawing a shriek from the reclining witch. And then? he grated out, his hips already pulling back for another thrust.

He-he said, babbled the Slytherin, that the Dark (Oh God!) Lord commanded him to assassinate (FasterHarder!) Dumbledore! Her hips rose off the bed as a shriek tore from her mouth, her steaming pussy rhythmically clenching around Harry’s thrusting trouser basilisk in orgasm.

Harry held back his own release through sheer willpower.

What else? he snarled out, feeling her legs wrapping around his hipsand urging him on. He bit down on her neck, drawing a delighted moan as the teeth bruised her pale skin.

Va-Vanish-shing Cabinets!

What about them? he growled, trailing his lips down to a dark nipple.

She squeaked as he began to suckle. Deeeath Eaters! He wants to let in the Death-Eaters through the Cabinets.

For a while, all was silent as Harry digested the news, his lips alternating between the dark-haired young woman’s breasts and her neck. The rhythmic ‘slap’ of flesh was the only thing that resounded in the room, punctuated by the Slytherin’s cries of ecstasy as she clawed his back.

Suddenly, he reversed their positions, letting her take the lead as herelaxed back on the bed. The buxom beauty squealed as her clit ground intohis pelvis, his hips lazily meeting her downward thrusts. Harry raised a hand to play with one bouncing breast, the other settling on her hip.

Then he spoke up quietly. You’re not telling me something.

She froze.

Harry’s hand rose up from her breast to cup her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Her eyes watched his expressionless face nervously.

I thought you trusted me, said Harry softly. She stiffened noticeably.

Gently, Harry tugged her down and let her rest on him, her head tuckedunder his chin. He stroked her back, letting her relax.

I’m not him, he said. I’m not going to hurt anyone, much less you.

The pale-skinned beauty said nothing, then spoke up quietly. Daphne and Tracey saw me the other day.

So?

They saw me on my knees in front of you, while I was topless.

Harry’s voice was fairly amused. They hate him and his bootlickers as much as you do. I doubt they’re going to tell him that the Queen-Bitch of Slytherin swallows the Golden Boy’s dick on a daily basis.

She smacked his shoulder half-heartedly. You’re making fun of me, she accused.

Harry chuckled. You could just tell them that you were trying to seduce me to the ‘dark side’, he said, mimicking quotes with his fingers.

I did.

And?

Daphne said that no seductress openly confessed her love to her victim.

Oh?

I confessed that I was your lover and your spy.

Harry blinked. That was somewhat abrupt.

Pansy laughed half-heartedly. Those two have a way of digging out secrets you never knew you had, she said wryly. Now they want in.

On the spying?

Spying and sex.

Harry stiffened, then exhaled harshly. Wonderful, he grated out. More people who want to bag the Boy-Who-Lived.

They don’t want to bag the Boy-Who-Lived. They want to make love to Harry Potter, she said softly. He started at that.

They don’t even know me!

They want to, she said calmly. Daphne’s intrigued by the person whosaved her little sister and Tracey always been interested in getting to know you.

Why didn’t she, before?

Halfblood. Slytherin. Malfoy.

Harry sighed at that. Understandable, I guess. I don’t know about thesex part, but I would like to know them.

Pansy smiled. I’ll relay the message, said the short-haired teen. But I’d have to warn you that Astoria’s already planning her sister’s marriage to you.

Wonderful, he grumbled good-naturedly. Pansy laughed and tensed her internal muscles, feeling the still-erect dick inside her pulse. Harry groaned.

Besides, your status means you can have more than one wife — to rebuild the House, as the Ministry puts it. If you do take Tracey and Daphne as wives, it’s perfectly legal.

Hermione’s going to throw a fit. I can just imagine it: Harry James Potter, aren’t Pansy and I enough for you?! Just because you sleep withboth of us doesn’t mean you can jump into—

I get the portrait! laughed Pansy. Leave it to me, lover. I’ll ‘convince’ her while we’re in bed with her. It’s much easier that way.

Harry grinned at that and began rolling his hips, settling into a rhythm as Pansy began reciprocating. You’re rather calm about this.

Pansy shrugged, brushing a kiss against Harry’s wirily-muscled chest. It’s a custom. I can accept that.

Harry said nothing, gently making love to the witch in his arms. Then,"If Malfoy finds out—

He won’t, Harry. He never will.

Harry brushed a kiss against her hair and built up speed, slamming into her dripping pussy as Pansy’s orgasmic shriek tore into the stillness of the room. He groaned into her hair as his balls emptied themselves into theattractive Slytherin, each thrust sending a jet of potent cum into her as her clutching muscles coaxed out his orgasm. Harry held Pansy’s hips in place as he ground into her, extending both their orgasms.

Finally the couple collapsed on the bed, a light sheen of sweat on their bodies. Reluctantly, Pansy disenganged from her lover’s embrace and pressed a kiss to his brow. Harry watched her silently as she quickly pulled her robe over her body, sending a regretful look at him before leaving the room.

Arriving at her dorm, Pansy began to disrobe for bed, only to hear Daphne’s Had fun, Pansy? She turned to look at the longer-haired brunette’s raised eyebrow and Tracey’s vaguely envious look as they noticed the slighttrickle of warm white along Pansy’s thigh.

The short-haired brunette smirked and ran a finger along the trail of cum, before languidly reaching out and smearing the shocked duo’s lips withit. The last thing Pansy saw before she fell asleep was Tracey’s dumbfounded face as she licked her lips.

============!===============

With thanks to my beta, mandalorianjedi, for editing this. Here’s the revised version.

Harry buried his cock in her tight pussy with one stroke, drawing a shriek from the reclining witch.

And then? he grated out, his hips already pulling back for another thrust.

He-he said…  panted the Slytherin, that the Dark- Oh God!- Lord com- commanded him to k-kill- Faster! Harder!- Dumbledore! Her hips rose off the bed as a shriek tore from her mouth, her steaming pussy rhythmically clenching around Harry’s thrusting trouser basilisk in orgasm.

Harry held back his own release through sheer willpower.

What else? he snarled out, feeling her legs wrapping around his hips and urging him on. He bit down on her neck, drawing a delighted moan as the teeth bruised her pale skin.

Va-Vanish-shing…  Cabinets!

What about them? he growled, trailinghis lips down to a dark nipple.

She squeaked as he began to suckle."Deeeath Eaters! He wants to let…  To let in the Death-Eaters through theCabinets!

For a while, all was silent with the exception of the rhythmic ‘slap’ of flesh, punctuated by the Slytherin’s cries of ecstasy, as Harry digested the news, his lips alternating between the dark-haired youngwoman’s breasts and her neck, as she clawed his back.

Suddenly, he reversed their positions, letting her take the lead as he relaxed back on the bed. The buxom beauty squealed as her clit ground into his pelvis, his hips lazily meeting her downward thrusts. Harry raised a hand to play with one bouncing breast, the other settling on her hip.

Then he spoke up quietly. You’re not telling me something.

She froze.

Harry’s hand rose up from her breast to cup her face, stroking her cheek with histhumb. Her eyes watched his expressionless face nervously.

I thought you trusted me, said Harry softly.

She stiffened noticeably.

Gently, Harry tugged her down and let her rest on him, her head tucked under his chin. He stroked her back, letting her relax as he kept a slow, steady pace withdrawing and reentering her sopping wet center.

I’m not him, he said gently. I’m not going to hurt anyone, much less you.

The pale-skinned beauty said nothing, seemingly lost in thought, when she suddenly spoke up quietly. Daphne and Tracey saw me the other day.

So… ?

They saw me on my knees in front of you, while I was topless.

Harry’s voice was fairly amused. They hate him and his bootlickers as much as you do. I doubt they’re going to tell him that the ‘Queen-Bitch of Slytherin’ swallows the ‘Golden Boy’s’ dick on a daily basis.

She smacked his shoulder half-heartedly. You’re making fun of me, she accused.

Harry chuckled. You could just tell themthat you were trying to seduce me to the ‘dark side’, he said, mimicking quotes with his fingers.

I did.

And… ?

Daphne said that ‘no seductress openly confessed her love to her victim’.

Oh?

I confessed that I was your lover and your spy.

Harry blinked. That was somewhat abrupt.

Pansy laughed half-heartedly. Those two have a way of digging out secrets you never knew you had, she said wryly. Now they want in.

On the spying?

The spying ANDthe sex.

Harry stiffened, then exhaled harshly. Wonderful, he grated out. More people who want to bag the ‘Boy-Who-Lived’.

They don’t want to ‘bag’ the ‘Boy-Who-Lived’. They want to make love to ‘Harry Potter’, she said softly.

They don’t even know me! He said in an annoyed tone, and to drive the point home gave Pansy an extra hard thrust, making her squeak out, as her eyes widened in surprise, before she expression settled into a rather pleased smirk.

They want to, she said calmly. Daphne’s intrigued by the person who saved her little sister and Tracey has always been interested in getting to know you.

Why hasn’t she before?

Half-blood. Slytherin. Malfoy.

Harry sighed at that. Understandable, I guess…  Though I don’t know about the sex part, I would like to get to know them.

I’ll relay the message, said the short-haired teen as she smiled. But I’ll have to warn you that Astoria is already planning her sister’s marriage to you.

Wonderful, he grumbled good-naturedly.

Pansy laughed andtensed her internal muscles, feeling the still-erect dick inside her pulse.

Harry groaned.

Besides, your status means you can have more than one wife — to ‘Rebuild the House’, as the Ministry puts it. If you do decide to take Tracey and Daphne as wives, it’s perfectly legal.

Hermione’s going to throw a fit you know. I can just imagine it now, ‘Harry James Potter, aren’t Pansy and I enough for you?! Just because you sleep with both of us doesn’t mean you can jump into—

I get the portrait! laughed Pansy, though she felt that his imitation of his female best friend, and their other lover, was more than fairly accurate, Leave it to me, lover. I’ll ‘convince’ her while we’re in bed with her. It’s much easier that way.

Harry grinned at the seductive way inwhich she voiced it and began rolling his hips, settling into a rhythm as Pansy began reciprocating. You’re rather calm about this.

Mmm… "Pansy shrugged, brushing a kiss against Harry’s wirily-muscled chest. It’s a custom. I can accept that.

Harry said nothing for a few moments, gently making love to the witch in his arms and reveling in the feeling of doing so before speaking out, If Malfoy finds out—

He won’t, Harry. He never will.

The tone of her voice and the confidence in which she assured him, was more than enough proof that she would stop at nothing to keep the blonde-haired ponce from finding out what they didn’t want him to know.

Harry brushed a kiss against her hair and built up speed, slamming into her dripping pussy as Pansy’s orgasmic shriek tore into thestillness of the room. He groaned into her hair as his balls were emptied into the attractive Slytherin’s wet hole, each thrust sending a jet of potent cum into her as her clutching muscles coaxed out his orgasm. Harry held Pansy’s hips in place as he ground into her, extending both their orgasms.

Finally, the couple collapsed on the bed, a light sheen of sweat on their bodies. Reluctantly, Pansy disengaged from her lover’s embrace and pressed a kiss to his brow. Harry watched her silently as she quickly pulled her robe over her body, sending a regretful look at him, one that he returned with equal feeling, before leaving the room.

Arriving at her dorm, Pansy began to disrobe for bed, only to hear Daphne’s Had fun, Pansy?

She turned to look at the longer-haired brunette’s raised eyebrow andTracey’s vaguely envious look as they noticed the slight trickle of warm white along Pansy’s thigh.

The short-haired brunette smirked and ran a finger along the trail of cum. She then languidly reached out and smearedthe shocked duo’s lips with it before brazenly sucking the rest off of herfinger, moaning in approval. Mmm… !

The last thing Pansy saw before she fell asleep was Tracey’s dumbfounded face as she licked her lips.